Social Intelligence

Examples:

"If you don't play with me I won't be your friend."

• What it is: An attempt to control through a threat, a demand.
• Evokes: Frustration/anger, confusion, nervous/worry...
• Set a Compassionate Boundary: You know, I actually do not like it when you-or anyone else says that. We could still be friends even if I don't play this. If you really want me to play-you can just say that. If you want to know if I am still your friend if I don't play-you can just ask me. It is my decision if I want to play, and also if I want to be friends too.

"Go tell her that her hair is a mess" or "Don't let him play with us at second recess"

• What it is: Direction by another person, maybe a unspoken threat to continue being their friend.
• Evokes: Nervous/worry, confusion, guilt...
• Set a Compassionate Boundary: "Thanks for giving me that option, but I will make up my own mind". or "You know, I will decide for myself."

"Can you believe it? Did you know she said...?"

• What it is: Finding a way to connect by picking on what somebody said or did to agree on.
• Evokes: Distrust of the person telling you, become nervous around them that you can't make a mistake, look for mistakes in others to agree connect with that person with.
• Set a Compassionate Boundary: You know, I actually do not like to talk about other people. or "I'm not a fan of talking about others." or "I would rather not connect by focusing on other people." or "Thanks for wanting to connect, but I don't like talking about others."

REGARDING SPACE: Some times we just need space.

It is great to thank a caring person for checking in with you. It is also okay to let them know you just need some space right now.

It is great to show empathy for some one. It is also okay to give them the space if they ask for it.