Perspective

Perspective: Being able to step back (literally or learning how to do so in your brain) and see the bigger picture.

See the larger issue:

• 'Winning' the specific conflict with someone vs. your relationship with them (which is more important to you?) (examples are playing 4 square, soccer, conflict at lunch table, in the hallway, or in the classroom) A lot of time people try to 'win' arguments by talking over another (not listening to them), discrediting them, insulting them or trying to make them feel 'bad' in some way. The bigger picture is how can you speak your truth-being kindly honest, while hearing theirs? From that point, then decide how to handle the specific situation that is in line with how you would like your overall relationship to be--we can respectfully disagree, we will be kindly honest with each other...

• Fighting over the red crayon vs. will any crayon do, or can you wait until the other person is done, or ask the teacher for another one?

• See the bigger picture, you see your teacher but what is the teacher's role really? (could it be they are really on your side and want to help you?)

• See the bigger picture, you see your teacher as his/her role, but do you also see they are a person-doing their best, with the tools they have, at this time in their journey?

• See the bigger picture of school, what do you hope to get out of this experience?

• What to continue working on (Perseverance) or when to change direction, put your efforts elsewhere

• Instead of elbowing to get in front of the line... how much longer will you have to wait if you let kindness be present?

• Someone said something mean/rude to you--step back, because they said it does that make it true? Do you have to believe it?

• Step back, what does a test score really mean?

• Step back, is it really the number of friends you have or the quality of friendships you are seeking?

• You get feedback about something you can agree you want to or are willing to work on-step back, can you accept this feedback only about the thing to work on and this is not about you as a person?

• See the larger picture, even if you decide your friendship is unhealthy or not a fit for you did they stop being a human being? Will you decide to still have your boundaries but treat them with a base level of courtesy?

• Step back, for your own standards-how do you want to be (what you say and do) towards other people? Toward yourself? (To build others up or tear them down?)

• How do you want to be known as by other people?

• What values are important that you live by when things are easy and when things are tough and challenging?

• What other situations in school could you use this strength with?

How can you step back ahead of time? So that you enter situations with with a perspective of being who and how you want to be--and not being pulled down by people/things as often or for long?

Most of the things we get stressed about ask us to use the strength of perspective. Learning, within ourselves or asking someone we trust, what is a big deal and what is not?

When something happens, what makes it a big deal to you? What will not make it a big deal? No one else can really tell you something was not a big deal, that is something you have to decide.

6 Questions You May Ask Yourself to Regain Your Perspective: (use any you like or make your own!)

• What advice would I give someone else about this situation?

• I know it feels huge right now, how big or small of a deal is this problem overall?

• How will I feel about this in an hour/day/week from now?

• I know I am caught up in this right now, what is the bigger picture or what's really happening?

• What part of me do I want to bring out during this situation?

• Who or what will help me regain perspective?

NOTE: Some problems ARE bigger and you will want them to be addressed!

Tips for how you can step back (check the ones that work for you):

• First, know that you are too close to whatever problem it is because you are really stressed about it

• Ask yourself if this is a big deal or small deal, and what makes it so?

• Take some deep breaths to slow things down

• Reflect in your brain about it where-ever you are

• Think of how you might give advice to someone else in a similar situation

• Use the chill spot

• Think about the problem and make that be your hand and then extend it (like the video)

• Ask someone for space

• Walk to a different place while not talking to someone for a moment to see it from a different spot

• Get to a stepped back place before entering into a situation so you already have some perspective (distance from what is happening so you are reminded of what is important from the bigger picture of things)

• Pet your pet or a stuffed animal

• Take a nap

• Walk away to get some fresh air

• Put the problem on 'hold' and not think about it for a while then come back to it