Corporate Sponsorship Position Essay: Lessons Learned
Corporate Sponsorship Position Essay: Lessons Learned
Use parallel verbs in the thesis statement. Incorrect example: Advertisments cause a learning distraction, forces them to think one way, and teaches them...
Always aim for three solid ideas in your thesis essay. Remember that the triangle is the strongest structure. Follow the shell! Do not use Finally, Lastly, Next!
Paragraph structure: transition, topic sentence from thesis, transition with specific example, elaboration, transition with 2nd example and elaboration, etc.
Check for errors! Major errors will drop your score tremendously.
Handwriting, Handwriting, Handwriting!!! If they can't read it (or it is the last 30 minutes of the last day of grading essays and your essay is the 480th essay they have read), they cannot give you points!
Usage- Incorrect examples-In school their are already distractions.
Runons in Thesis- Incorrect Example: Indeed, this practice helps cash-strapped schools, however, the advertisements can cause distractions, exposure to unnecessary products, and greater competition among students.
Fragments in Thesis- Incorrect Example: Debate ensues regarding whether schools should allow for public advertisements on campus. As the majority of individuals in America are the product of public schools.
Capitalization in Thesis: Corporate sponsorship in school eliminates schools as an escape from the highly-advertised world that exists today; However, corporate sponsorships in school provides more benefit than harm.
Apostrophe usage- Incorrect examples-Taylor Swifts picture on the wall; The atmosphere in school has always been one of keeping students' focused. Various sports stores' provided money for uniforms. Students' must learn how to overcome the distractions.
Punctuation- Incorrect examples: How is that person supposed to learn with advertisements constantly in their face. In conclusion it causes greater competition. For instance when a student sees a product advertised they may be compelled to buy it. When large businesses and corporations sponsor high schools they demonstrate goodness and caring towards the importance of education. It is not destructive to students and it displays the support of a giant corporation. With the federal government in debt there is not as much money to go to state governments. For example, helping an old woman across the street, saying no to drugs, or even drinking milk. By allowing corporations to sponsor schools advertisements will create an unhealthy bias and atmosphere. To illustrate, when particular products are placed in ads students may not be aware of competing products on the markets. If schools are only utilizing corporations for their big money students are not taught the value of hard work.
Subject Verb Agreement: Corporate sponsorships surrounds students with various advertisements.
Spelling: Green Hope High School may be able to recieve enough money for supplies. Weather we pride ourselves on it or hate it we cannot ignore that American society is a consumer society.
Diction: Corporations have a lot to offer school systems. For some students, this is a very bad thing.
Avoid contractions and 1st and 2nd Point of View
Other Hints-
Length and Elaboration: You need at least 2 and 1/4 pages if you desire a 6 or higher (based on our analysis of released, scored AP essays).
The essay said "evaluate the pros and cons of corporate sponsorship for schools and indicate why you find one position more persuasive than the other. You cannot "fence post" the essay or the essay score will be 1-2 ("write shows little understanding of purpose"). You can use the shell (counterargument, thesis with 3 ideas, body paragraphs developing ideas, conclusion that quickly readdresses counterargument but clearly restates thesis again) or present your 3 ideas, counterargument at the end, and then a conclusion that restates thesis. Do NOT equally present both sides (2 paragraphs pro, 2 paragraphs con or three paragraphs equally discussing pros and cons within each paragraph and then close with a "wishy washy" conclusion that restates both points or briefly states a position in the final two sentences). You must choose a position. This is persuasive writing!
Safe Essays (5-6): Advertisements are a distraction
Complex Essays with Critical Insight (Could be a 7-8 with correct grammar, structure, and elaboration): Sexual innuendos exist in most advertising. Scientific research shows that youth are vulnerable to propaganda. Adolescents are still developing their conscience and are easy manipulated. Advertisements may lead to exposure to unhealthy habits such as high fat, sodium, and sugar foods. Sponsorship provides financial assistance to schools during a recession with major educational budget cuts (specific examples of worn out team jerseys) and stimulates local economies and small businesses. Corporate sponsorship is not equitable; the majority of money goes to athletics while the fine arts department struggles to exist. Funding provides the money needed to keep extracurricular activities in place; these after school activities provide an alternative to destructive behavior such as drugs, gang involvement, unprotected sex, etc. Corporate sponsorship creates a standard for children to conform to.
Complex thesis: Corporate sponsorships are essentially detrimental because they build unadvisable alliences between schools and businesses, implement a biased setting to the school, and render the schools dependent on the money provided by corporations.
Watch for errors in reasoning:
1.Corporate sponsorship should not exist because it causes competition. Individuals who can afford expensive brands will no longer have this luxury because other students will be aware of these exclusive brands, so there will be more competition to obtain these items.
2. Why waste money on sponsorships when education and facilities can be improved? If a school has money to spend, why waste it on sponsorships?
3. Corporate sponshorships should exist because it will increase student attendance at sporting events, encourage athletes to train more diligently, and provide funding to athletic programs.
Structure:
A few students wrote a lengthy paragraph discussing the counterargument (challenge) and then either one long body paragraph discussing the "defend" side or a defend position with two points. The essays were good; however, in the "long or extended" one or two points (instead of 3), the writing became either side-tracked at times, personal, informal, or repetitive. If you choose to not use a three point these, make sure your one or two points are better than a three point.