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Jealousy and insecurity in marriage - How to stop feeling insecure in my marriage.
If you've ever felt jealous in your marriage, you probably know that jealousy can spread kind of like a disease. It might start out small, but if it's left unaddressed, it can quickly grow and spread.
For example, you might feel a twinge of jealousy when you see an attractive man or woman and wonder if your partner has also noticed this good-looking person. You might then worry that your partner will be drawn to this attractive person and eventually have an affair with him or her.
Pretty soon, every man or woman who (to you) seems attractive-- and more attractive than you perceive yourself to be-- can feel like a threat to your relationship. You might be tense and on alert for the least sign of cheating in your partner.
The way the you talk to and act toward your mate will betray the torrent of jealous thoughts that are now flooding your mind.
This will only lead to distance and disconnect in your relationship.
You can STOP the spread of jealousy before it takes over you and ruins your marriage.
Here's how...
#1: Own your jealousy habit.
First and foremost, it's essential for you to take responsibility for your jealousy habit. Resist the urge to point the finger of blame at "all men who can't control themselves," "all women who are flirty," or whatever external cause you see for how you feel.
This is not to say that there aren't possible habits that your partner might have that feed into and trigger your jealousy.
Own your share in the conflicts between you and your partner. This means that, if you have a tendency to get jealous, you acknowledge it.
#2: Practice pausing your jealous thoughts.
When you recognize that you are beginning to feel jealous, deliberately pause. A pause can be the most powerful thing that you do for yourself and for your relationship.
When you pause in the midst of thinking that your partner is "wanting to sleep with that woman" or "lying to you about his lunch date with a co-worker," you give yourself the gift of space and clarity.
In that pause, you can return to what you actually know to be true instead of what you are fearing, guessing at or assuming.
#3: Learn how to respond instead of react.
The goal here is to stop your usual habit of feeling jealous and then reacting in whatever way you do-- without being totally conscious of what you are doing. When you only react, you are letting your jealousy make the decisions about what you will say and do for you.
This is no way to bring improvements to your relationship.
Instead, practice the pause, as we mentioned above and then-- after a deep breath and a clearer perspective-- choose what your response will be.
It could be that you decide that you need to follow up and get more information because your partner is acting suspiciously. Or, you might choose a response that is radically different (and more connecting) than what your initial reaction would have been.
#4: Be clear about what is jealousy and what is a call for creating an agreement.
If you have recognized that you have a jealous habit, you might jump to the conclusion that anytime there is conflict in your relationship, it is solely because of your jealousy.
This is not necessarily true.
There are times when you and your partner can resolve a situation by creating an agreement.
If, for example, your partner e-mails or texts with his or her ex and you feel jealous about it, remember that creating an agreement about what level of communication and interactions is appropriate (and what is inappropriate) may help. You can talk openly and honestly and find an agreement that you both can live with and follow.
Yes, you probably do need to stay aware of your jealousy and question your thoughts to make sure that you are basing your responses on reliable information. But, you can also make requests of your partner that will be supportive of you not being jealous and also help you two create a closer relationship in the process.
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My wife cheated on me and I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel. I still love her and I believe she loves me. I'm just so hurt that I haven't been able to make a decision as to whether or not I should try to save my marriage.
There is little to nothing more devastating to an individual, to a marriage, than experiencing an extra-marital affair. People who live through this commonly feel a profound sense of loss, betrayal and inability to trust. The spouse who had the affair may feel similar feelings along with profound guilt when faced with the thought of losing their spouse as a result of their actions.
Marriage counselors can also sometimes help marital partners find answers inside themselves. While one should not look to excuse a partner's illicit affair or take the blame for that affair on oneself, it may also be true that both partners had a hand in sabotaging the relationship. It can sometimes be important to look at the relationship before the unfaithful behavior to discover how it ended up where it did.
"I believe our marriage can survive this. I've decided that in order to save my marriage, I'm just going to suck it up and drive on." "She's a good woman. I will deal with the boredom because I just want to save my marriage." Merely repressing your feelings about your spouse's affair, being content with the cards you've been dealt, is not necessarily saving your marriage. Empty promises of fidelity, faking satisfaction is also probably not the most effective way to deal with what has occurred.
People often assume that once there is love and basic needs are being met the marriage will take care of itself. In reality, a marriage even an apparently happy one, requires hard work. Communication, both verbal and non-verbal is an essential marital nutrient. A therapist, specialized in marital counseling, can be helpful if the couple is finding it difficult to start and maintain healthy communication.
If one partner is resistant to therapy, it is still beneficial for at least one member of the pair to seek help. Ideally, the therapist will promote emotional health, which should help the individual improve his or her personal emotional state. This should contribute to an emotionally viable environment in the home, which is elemental to good marital help.
50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage. There are powerful techniques that will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here
Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here
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Further Reading:
I Have To Ask My Husband For Money
How to Please Your Husband in Bed
I Love My Husband but He Treats Me Bad
My Wife Never Seems Happy With Me
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