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Can a separation save my marriage - Does separation help or hurt a marriage.
There are times when a marriage becomes toxic after several years, even after decades of being together. Marriage can be a tiresome business, what with all the kids and their annoying ways, taking care of the household chores, juggling a number of jobs and side jobs, health issues, in laws and several other kinds of challenges all together. And instead of gunning straight for divorce, many couples choose to take a break from marriage to work out their respective issues, and in legal parlance, this is known as mutual separation.
Case for and against Trial Separation
Some people believe that trial separation can save a marriage from divorce while others feel that it is the perfect recipe for marital disaster, especially for a marriage that is already on the rocks.
There are many people who prefer trial separation because taking a break from marriage can actually revive you and put you back in your spirits. And then there are others who let wasted divorces take place because they are too proud to swallow their ego and judge with a clear head.
Some people feel that in order to work out marital problems and salvage their marriage, a couple needs to stay under the same roof. So separation is out of the question.
On the other hand, some couples start communicating after a separation. Sometimes a partner does not grow as a person when he is still living with his spouse under the same roof. So the other partner has to move out to give him space to grow, become a better human being and also to become more mature and responsible as an individual.
Reasons for Failure
Sometimes the reason why a trial separation fails to unite a warring couple is because the partners involved do not abide by the rules and treat separation as a license to party around like a college kid during spring break and date as many members of the opposite sex as possible.
Trial Separation is a Last Resort
You should reserve trial separation as the last remedy to cure your ailing marriage before proceeding with the divorce procedures. During this separation phase, you should think deep and hard, reflect on yourself and your marriage, analyze your relationship with your spouse and try to find out what went wrong and why.
Spend this time constructively for examining yourself and what you did or didn't do for your marriage. You should also utilize this time to reflect on your upcoming divorce and how it would affect your life and the life of your kids.
This is also the time to sit down with a professional marriage counselor, talk it out with him. Your counselor will help you stay focused. What you should not do is partying around and making merry during the separation phase as that is not the intent of this separation.
Many couples find that distance does indeed make the heart grow fonder and they are reunited after this separation phase. Others go their different ways as they are unable to work out their problems.
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Happy marriages are created. Living with the one you love may be happiness itself but you and your partner need to nurture the relationship and work on maintaining the relationship to be happy and fulfilling. Indeed, relationships need effort and it should come from both of you. If you are looking for ways to work on this, here are some tips for a happy marriage that you may want to start with.
- Stop the urge to nag your spouse. Listen instead. Listening can make wonders in a relationship. Listening can help you understand any situation, maintain an open communication, and help you resolve conflicts with you spouse.
- Think of a surprise once in a while. A surprise need not be something that needs a lot of preparation. If you are busy with work or with the housework, you can think of something that can put a smile on your partner's face. Even a note posted on the refrigerator or a love letter inserted on his planner can be a great way to rekindle those sparks in the relationship. Being married is not an excuse to be not sweet and mushy. You can also have a makeover and surprise your spouse. Break the same old you and make yourself look good for your spouse.
- Don't forget to say thank you. Being grateful to your spouse is one great way to let your spouse know that you appreciate him and you see the good in him, so do not just receive favors, be appreciative.
- Go to dates once in a while. Having time for yourselves is one of the important tips for a happy marriage. Find time to have fun, watch a funny show and have a good laugh together.
- Find a gift for your spouse. There is no need to have an occasion to treat your spouse. Even a simple gift would do - a ticket to a Saturday night movie, a camping trip, or even cooking his favorite food and small things that will bring a smile to his face.
- Learn to disagree without being aggressive and defensive. Being able to talk about your disagreements in a neutral tone would help a lot in ironing out conflicts in marriage.
- Spend a few minutes each day to cuddle or just talk about the events of the day. Marriages and relationships dwindle down because couples do not anymore spend time to cuddle and talk like at the start of the marriage. No matter how busy you are with your career or housework, a few minutes for your spouse can help you stay connected.
- Say sorry for your mistakes. Not because you are with your spouse everyday, you would not just mind apologizing. Apologizing can be a difficult thing to do but there are creative ways to do it. Send a card of apology, do something nice for your partner or just simply say it.
- Give compliments each day. Compliment your spouse on the things he does right rather than picking on what he does not. This can also encourage your partner to do more of the positive things he does.
- Initiate lovemaking. Sex in marriage should not be only a man's responsibility. Most often, spouse are turned on when their wives seduce them and initiate the sexual act. One of the great tips for a happy marriage is giving.
- Show love. It is not enough that you said 'I do' in your marriage vows. A kiss, a kind deed, a good compliment, a kind thought - show your spouse everyday that you love him.
Start with this few tips for a happy marriage and try to do a thing or two each day. You will probably be surprised to see your spouse do the same thing for you.
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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here
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Further Reading:
My Husband Made Me So Angry I Hit Him
Lost Respect For Cheating Spouse
My Husband Spends Money Without Telling Me
What To Say When Your Wife Is Mad At You
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