How Do I Talk To My Husband Without Fighting: When Couples Argue Constantly

How do I talk to my husband without fighting - When couples argue constantly.

If there is an area that can make of break a marriage then it is conflict communication in a marriage. Husbands and wives often find themselves headed towards divorce, infidelity or abuse because of poor communication in marriage. The ability to communicate effectively in a marriage is probably the most rewarding tool you can learn. Through effective use of communication you can resolve and avoid arguments and hostility in virtually every situation. Imagine a marriage where respect and trust are the foundation of your communication. It may seem impossible but that is only because you were never given instruction.

Remember when it was all new? The passion was there and the romance was flowing. Life was perfect .What happened? In short life happened! Roles started changing, jobs became more challenging, kids came along and needed the time, with kids came a bigger house, a bigger car and you saw each other pushed further down the list of priorities. This is not uncommon so don't feel bad. All that happened is a failure to adapt effectively. Less time for each other meant you had to learn to occupy yourselves and you slowly grew apart.

This is a very common picture of modern marriage failing. What it is not showing is the stress that is put on the couple inside it. One partner is busy with this the other is seeing to that and one word can set off an argument, that sets off a fight, that sets off a war that ends in divorce. Communication in marriage is a learned skill. If you are married you know how hard it is to balance everything and still have a loving relationship. Ever heard of "There is no time for that" before?

So what is conflict communication in marriage? It is learning to understand your spouse and the nature of him/her. i.e. what motivates a man or women. Using that understanding as a platform to interpret what they are actually saying to you. It is also defining a structure to communicate lovingly in marriage. An example of conflict communication in marriage is a wife confronting her husband over something he has forgotten to do. She asks him why did he forget? He says he was busy, no big deal. The argument can be avoided even here by effective communication.

Arguments occur not by what is said but by how it is said. The husband was asked why he forgot, he heard that he is unreliable ( he craves acceptance and is now rejected, here comes the wall ) The husband dismisses it with a 'logical' answer. I was busy, not a big deal. The wife hears that she is not important, that work is more important and she is irrational. Proper communication skills will remove this from your relationship almost immediately. By learning to communicate properly you can avoid these common situations with ease and create peace once again in your home. Remember it is not about who is right or wrong.

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Having flights with your husband or wife is a simple fact of life. However, sometimes fights are fair and sometimes they are not. Sometimes fights are productive and sometimes they are destructive. Rather than avoid fights, we need to accept the fact that they will happen. What we need to do is focus on making our fights fair and productive.

So how can you make your fights with your spouse fair? Here are some simple tips.

First, it is important to make sure that you begin with yourself. That doesn't mean that you should be selfish. Instead, it means that you should not begin your statements with " you always" or "you never". These phrases are certain to make your spouse defensive. They will turn off immediately.

What you should do is use "I statements". Start off your senses with the word "I" followed by an emotion word. Emotion words include words like frustrated, sad, anxious, happy, proud, and content. For example, you might say "I feel confused" or "I feel anxious". By giving your spouse an "I statement," you are sharing your feelings and perspectives. This approach helps you to avoid blaming or accusing using your spouse. It is important to avoid blaming or accusing because those actions lead to defensiveness and resistance.

Now that you have identified your emotion, it is important to state why you feel that particular way. For example, you might say "I feel frustrated when I have to remind you to stop at the store." By speaking in this way, you have shared with your spouse. You have told them both your emotion and its implication.

Next, consider when you need to take a break. Sometimes conversations get too heated and you need to take time away from each other. Plan some time to go for a walk, read, or take a nap. It is especially important that you schedule a time when you will restart the conversation. Unfortunately, taking a break can be used as an opportunity to avoid an issue. Make sure that you don't fall into that trap.

It is important to remember that you should not bring up past hurts. It does not help anyone to focus on things that have gone wrong in the past. Instead, focus on what you need to do to make things better now and in the future.

It is also extremely important never to call your husband or wife names or put them down. Calling someone "stupid" or "difficult" can create significant damage that is very difficult to fix. Save yourself time and heartache by not creating these types of problems in the first place.

You also need to concentrate on listening to your spouse. Make sure that you focus on what they are saying, not on planning what you want to say. Make sure that each of you takes turns speaking. Make sure to show your spouse that you are truly listening by relating back to them what you heard.

Finally, it is important to learn the art of forgiving. When your spouse repents or apologizes, accept that apology. And, make sure that you really mean it when you accept it. If you are resentful, you will not hurt your spouse. Resentment will only hurt you and your marriage.

There is no way to avoid fights in a marriage. However, if you follow these simple tips, you and your spouse will have more productive fights.

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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here

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Further Reading:

My Husband Says He Needs To Find Himself

My Husband Says He Has Lost Himself

My Husband Told Me He Has No Feelings For Me

My Husband Makes Me Feel Ugly and Worthless

Your Wife Wants More Out Of The Marriage