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I love my husband but I can’t stand him - I can’t stand the man I married.
Improving your marriage is and should be easy because you probably know exactly what needs to be changed. The problem is your husband probably doesn't have a clue what's wrong with your marriage. In fact, he probably thinks everything is fine as is.
The biggest hurdle you need to get him to understand is that in order for everything to be fine, you both need to be content. You can work on improving your marriage by getting him to see how painless change can be and how great your marriage can and will be.
So how do you talk with your husband about improving your marriage?
The first thing I would recommend is that you prepare him for the conversation. The way you do so is stop letting him believe that everything is wonderful. I'm not suggesting that you complain or nag but simply be honest.
If you are unhappy because of the way things are going in your marriage you need to let your husband know and the sooner the better.
I would sit down beside him one evening, gently grab his hand with a smile on my face ask him if we could set aside some time in the next couple of days to talk.
Before you talk to him come up with the 3 most important things you need changed and how you believe these changes will improve your marriage.
So here's how I would approach it and how I see the conversation going with the end goal being improving your marriage;
"Hi Honey! I have been thinking about our marriage lately and I'd like to know if there is anything you would like to see change or me do differently to make our relationship better."?
His response! "No, sweetie, I can't see you doing anything different because I love you just the way you are. I couldn't be happier"!
Your response! "Well, Honey I have been thinking about improving our marriage and I want your thoughts on the following 3 things;"
Here's where you explain the following;
1. What is missing in your marriage that's making you unhappy.
2. What you would like to see different in your marriage.
3. Why you think these changes will improve your marriage.
Now, should your husband have his own list of ways for improving your marriage then that's even better. Your conversation can be more meaningful and effective.
Improving your marriage may seem like getting 4 wisdom teeth pulled at the same time but it won't be as painful if done with love, respect and commitment to each other.
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Marriages nowadays are constantly under attack. Many couples who married for love ended up feeling trapped in relationships that give them more stress then the fantastic life they envisioned. The problem is we live in a society that promotes wrongful powerful myths about marriages. Many of us are raised into believing in unrealistic fairy-tale-like marriages. These wrongful myths and unconscious beliefs are often responsible for matrimony disasters. It is thus crucial that we identify the top 5 wrongful marriage myths so that we will not succumb as victims in our own marriages.
Myth 1: All you need is love.
Is love really all we need for a solid and happy marriage? I have heard this statement much too often, "We love each other, but why are we so unhappy together?". There are just too many couples who are deeply in love, and yet are deeply in trouble too. The fact is that a good marriage does not just happen just because you love each other. Love does not conquer everything. A good marriage needs hard work, constant nurturing, care and commitment.
Myth 2: All I need is to talk openly and honestly, all the time.
You may be talking, but are you communicating? The thing is many of us are awful communicators. We do not know how to converse or listen effectively. We were told to be honest and to open up our feelings, but most of us are not equipped to differentiate helpful and harmful feelings. We get too brutally honest, resulting in our spouse shutting off due to the constant brutality. That leads to a major communication problem, which can often conceal differences in family values, interests and goals. Thus what is needed is proper and effective communication, and not a constant tongue- slashing session from one spouse to another.
Myth 3: Babies make the marriage stronger.
Sad to say, but the truth is babies are serious threat to marriages. Married couples without children can focus on themselves, and enjoy each other. They can prioritize their "couple hood" and are normally closely-connected. However when the baby arrives, there are sudden major changes. New baby commitments and unfamiliar overwhelming pressure add on to the stressors in the couple's lives; taking away all extra time and energy left. Over time, the couple grows apart unknowingly. Sad, but true. Thus, it is vital for us to actually consciously work on maintaining and nurturing your marriage when new babies arrive.
Myth 4: Marriage makes me complete.
There is a fulfillment fallacy myth which makes people believes that being married completes them as a human being. Now the thing is you cannot have a true relationship with anyone else, unless you have a healthy one with yourself. We have to love ourselves first, before loving another. Your spouse can only complement you, and not complete you. We have to work on being happy and cheerful ourselves. If you are looking to replace what is missing in us, the marriage will suffer.
Myth 5: Conflict means a lack of love.
Conflict happens between every couple and in every marriage. It is simple unavoidable. However, having conflicts does not mean you do not love each other. This myth is simply untrue! Conflicts simply mean each spouse's opinions and feelings differ, and that is absolutely normal due to respective background and previous experiences. It does not mean they do not love each other, it merely means they are different in terms of their opinions, thoughts and feelings. Conflicts do not have to be detrimental to a marriage. When conflicts are handled properly, it can in fact further strengthen a relationship. Couples can understand each other better and compromise to a win-win solution.
I trust that these 5 marriage myths are amongst some of the most widely-believed marriage myths. Many husbands and wives enter marriage hood with different beliefs and expectations. These myths can lead to unrealistic expectations between couples, leading to unnecessary stress in the marriage. Therefore, it would be ideal for couples to understand and talk about respective roles and expectations in the marriage.
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Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here
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Further Reading:
What To Say When Your Wife Is Mad At You
My Wife Doesn’t Want to Have Sex Anymore
I Lost My Job and My Wife Hates Me
I Cheated On My Husband How Do I Fix It
Does Separation Help or Hurt A Marriage
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