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I lost my job and my wife hates me - My wife is leaving because I lost my job.
Today we're going to talk about how job loss affects the marriage. Millions of Americans lose there job every single year, but even more people go through a divorce each year.
When you lose your job, you obviously lose your paycheck. Now this can be a big problem if your family solely relies on the income from the job. What usually happens when one loses there job is; you become depressed, you constantly worry about how your going to support yourself and your family, and plus the low self esteem that comes with it, and hen you start to take it out on those closest to you! So that's probably the family right? Well it doesn't have to be like this, it's not your family's fault that you lost your job.
"Money is the most psychologically loaded topic between partners these days. It's what sex was 50 years ago,"
Your marriage has to be the source of strength during these difficult times. After all it's life, you should think to yourself "It's only life, me and my partner will get through this difficult time together". You will make it through these difficult times, everybody has them. And I have had my fair share of them. But, you will make it!
Heres what you should do, a simple task for you and your partner; take turns, listening and talking to each other. Tell them what you want most in life, it's probably going to to do with money, and tell them what you fear most. And when listening, listen without giving judgment. I tried this with my wife a few years back when I lost my job in the building industry, and when she was saying what she wanted most in life she replied "all I want is you". Now this made me feel on top of the world, full of confidence, and made me chase my own ambitions, and that's how I'm here as a marriage counselor.
The point is, your partner should be there to support you through the good and bad times, you're on the pursuit of happiness, seek and you will find.
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Conflict resolution and the skills needed to resolve marital issues are not very difficult when two people both want it, and are willing to acknowledge that husband and the wife play different roles in the marriage arrangement. When both agree that marriage is a structure of Leadership and Support, the rest is simple.
Once they accept this complementary structure, resolution of marital problems should be simple. Simple doesn't automatically mean easy because emotions are involved. Yet with strong love between them following a four (4) step strategy should allow them to work through their problem(s). Let us use a specific problem that many families grapple with: Money. Deciding money matters often becomes a battle of wills.
The questions most likely to arise are:
Who decides what should be spent? How much? What should be saved? Should we share accounts? Is your money yours and mine, yours only, mine or what? Should we buy or rent? How much to save for college funds, etc. Let us listen in to how Guy and Terri resolved their money problem through conflict resolution. Of course each saw answers to the above questions from their own viewpoint.
Guy was very frugal. He wanted to save, invest and plan for retirement even though they were in their early 30s. Terri was not frugal. She wanted to buy a new house sooner rather than later and buy new furniture and all the fixtures of new home ownership. And still young, she also wanted to buy new clothes, jewelry and dine out three times a week as if she were still single.
And on top of that, she wanted to keep a separate checking account. "Her money" she said. You can see why they were at odds. Now let's learn how they used conflict resolution skills to resolve this marital conflict. Terri provides the narrative as follows as she begins to explain A Four-Step Strategy (PPPR) that looks like this:
1. Point of contention (both parties speak)
2. Problem isolated
3. Principle involved
4. Resolution
"We had already both voiced their opinion--point of contention. Next we needed to isolate the problem. Since we disagreed, the issue was who had the right to decide how money was spent in the family?
Moving on to point three, the principle involved was that of husbandly leadership. He had the responsibility of making the final decision. Believe me -- that was hard to accept. But I loved him, wanted our marriage to work and so decided to try it. Guy, conscious of my feelings, sensed my reservation and so sat down with me and we talked, honestly and openly."
"Even though I wanted to plan extensively for the future," Guy spoke up, "I had to appreciate her need to want to decorate the home attractively right away and to continue to dress stylishly. So we worked out an amicable arrangement. But the point is, if she hadn't accepted and supported my leadership, it wouldn't have worked. And we'd still be battling," he laughed.
"That's true Guy, your loving concern for my feelings and welfare were evident. And it was vital to my willingness to accept your leadership," Terri agreed.
"In our case, the resolution was that Terri accepted my lead and supported my decisions. From that time on, she's always been supportive of me. And this loving support has greatly contributed to our harmony through the years."
50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage. There are powerful techniques that will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here
Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your marriage can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage - Learn More Here
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Further Reading:
What To Say When Your Wife Is Mad At You
My Wife Doesn’t Want to Have Sex Anymore
I Love My Husband but I Can’t Stand Him
I Cheated On My Husband How Do I Fix It
What To Do When Your Wife Stops Sleeping With You
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