Introduction

Listening is the art of lending your ears to others. Unfortunately, listening is forgotten skill. In management especially, listening skills have a big role to play. Managers realize that their effectiveness depends on their listening skills. Just as some colleges and universities do not confer degrees to the successful candidates unless they pass certain mandatory test, say swimming, game of chess, writing a project and so on, it may be a listening test. Back to business managers, less successful managers without listening skills ride roughshod over the feelings of their subordinates without knowing it. Whenever you ask managers about their biggest problems, it is always a people problem - conflict, communication and resistance to needed change. People skills are the need, social and relational skills, and at the top of the list is the forgotten skill of listening. If you take the case of an executive, he spends half of his time in listening. In giving information spoken 30% and written 9 per cent; while gathering information, spoken 45 per cent and reading 16 per cent. It is not applicable to only executives, but each and every one of us. Everybody's life is or should be filled with listening. The better you listen, the better your relationships and other benefits such as appreciation, comparison, love and avoidance of sterile conflicts. What is more is the better you listen, the more you will be listened too.

When interacting, people often are not listening attentively to one another. They may be distracted, thinking about other things, or thinking about what they are going to say next.

Active listening means a structured way of listening and responding to others. It focuses attention on the speaker. Suspending one's own likes and dislikes are important in order to fully attend to the speaker.

While listening, it is important to observe the other person's behaviour and body language. Having listened to the speaker, the listener may then paraphrase the speaker's words. It is important to note that the listener is not necessarily agreeing with the speaker but need to state what was said. The active listener should be able to describe the underlying emotions in what is spoken.

Active listening is used in a wide variety of situations, including interviews in employment, counselling and journalistic settings. In groups it may aid in reaching consensus. It may also be used in casual conversation to build understanding.

The benefits of active listening include getting people to open up, avoiding misunderstanding, resolving conflict and building trust.

The process of active listening focuses on the ability of an individual to understand a speaker's message. It is a huge part of everyday life, and failing to understand the concept of active listening can be very detrimental to one's contribution to the organizations, individuals, society, and indeed, detrimental to quality of life in general. In the office, people listen to their superiors for instructions about what they are to do. At colleges, students listen to teachers for information that they are expected to understand, for quizzes and tests. In all areas of life, active listening plays a huge role in human communication.

There are specific listening skills. We all think that we are good listeners, but actually, very few of us are really good listeners. Here are some practices that will make you one of those people that people love because they are good listeners. There are four things one should check, namely 

1. Eye contact

2. Posture

3. Gestures and 

4. Your use of paraphrase.

Speaking of "eye contact", what is appropriate here differs from culture to culture, but with your eyes, establish contact with the speaker. Not to look at the other person, is way of manifesting unconcern and look of interest. Conversely, love and affection can be better expressed by the eyes and words. Turning to 'posture - while there is no dictionary of body language - so many factors are involved like - culture, relationship, situation - we do speak with our bodies. If we sit leaning slightly forward, it is a sign of interest and encourages the speaker to let their thoughts and expressions flow. On the other hand, if we lean back or away from the speaker, it often expresses nothing but disinterest. Coming to "gestures", natural gestures, as you listen can increase the speaker's sense of being heard and accepted. Turning to 'paraphrasing', it is restating the speaker's thought but in fewer words. It adds nothing new, changes no directions, asks no question, but summarizes the speaker's thought or feelings and informs how they have been understood.

What is listening?

Listening is following and understanding the sound. Listening is emotional whereas hearing is physical.

Listening is the absorption of the meanings of words and sentences by the brain. Listening leads to the understanding of facts and ideas.

Listening is the bigger part of communication.

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we really listen to people there is an alternating current, and this recharges us so that we never get tired of each other." - Brenda Ueland

Two ears, one mouth

"We are given two ears but only one mouth, because listening is twice as hard as talking."

Expressing our wants, feelings, thoughts and opinions clearly and effectively, is only half the communication process needed for interpersonal relationships. The other half - perhaps the more important half in some ways, is listening to and understanding what others communicate to us.

Effective communication exists between two people when the receiver interprets and understands the sender's message in the same way the sender intended it.

There is a real distinction between merely 'hearing' and really listening'. When we listen effectively, we understand what the person is thinking and feeling from the other person's own perspective. It is as if we were standing in the other person's shoes, seeing through their eyes and listening through their ears.

We may not necessarily agree with the person, but as we listen, we understand from the other's perspective. To listen effectively, we must be 'active' listeners in this communication process. Passive listening isn't. quite good enough.

Benefits of active listening

It helps people to spot the flaws in their reasoning when they hear it played back without criticism.

It also helps identify areas of agreement so the areas of disagreement are put in perspective and are diminished rather than magnified.

Reflecting back what you hear each other say helps give each a chance to become aware of the different levels that are going on below the surface. This helps to bring things into the open where they can be more readily resolved.

If you accurately understand the other person's view, you can be more effective in helping the person see the flaws in his/her position.

If you listen you can accurately understand the other's view, you can also be more effective in discovering the flaws in your own position.

Kinds of listening

1. Competitive or Combative Listening 

Competitive or Combative Listening happens when you are more interested in promoting your own point of view than in understanding or exploring someone else's view. You either listen for openings to take the floor, or for flaws or weak points you can attack. As you pretend to pay attention you are impatiently waiting for an opening, or internally formulating your rebuttal and planning your devastating comeback that will destroy their argument and make you the victor.

2. Passive or Attentive Listening 

Passive or Attentive Listening is when you are genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person's point of view. You are attentive and passively listen. You assume that you heard and understand correctly, but stay passive and do not verify it.

3. Active or Reflective Listening 

Active or Reflective Listening is the single most useful and important listening skill. In active listening you are also genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means, and you are active in checking out your understanding before you respond with your own new message. You restate or paraphrase your understanding of their message and reflect it back to the sender for verification.

The following are the other commonly discussed listening models :

• Passive - It is actually not listening but hearing. This type of listening happens involuntarily. It is only receiving the sound.

• Informative - It is being interested in the message delivered. It is a first step towards comprehensive listening.

• Evaluative - It is evaluating what is being said and making a judgment accordingly.

• Appreciative - It is listening to something because you like it. This type of listening helps in reenergizing and relaxing.

Factors that hamper listening

Sources of difficulty by the speaker

• Voice volume too low to be heard.

• Making the message too complex, either by including too many unnecessary details or too many issues.

• Getting lost, forgetting your point or the purpose of the interaction.

• Body language or nonverbal elements contradicting or interfering with the verbal message, such as smiling when anger or hurt is being expressed.

• Paying too much attention to how the other person is taking the message, or how the person might react.

• Using a very unique code or unconventional method for delivering the message.

Sources of difficulty by the listener

• Being preoccupied and not listening.

• Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor.

• Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying.

• Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said.

• Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message.

• Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand.

Other factors that hamper listening

• Lack of interest in the subject

• External distractions 

• Detest the speaker

• Presumptions

• Inappropriate inferences

• Poor speaker

• Self-induced distractions

Listening etiquette

• Do not distract the speaker

• Make the speaker to speak out his mind 

• Avoid belittling the speaker

• Focus on the actual topic

• Do not drag into an argument 

• Switch off your cell phones

Common poor listening habits

Most people spend more time listening than they spend on any other communication activity, yet a large percentage of people never learn to listen well. One reason is that they develop poor listening habits that continue with them throughout life. The following list contains some of the poor listening habits.

1. Not paying attention

Listeners may allow themselves to be distracted or to think of something else. Also, not wanting to listen often contributes to lack of attention.

2. Pseudo listening

Often people who are thinking about something else deliberately try to look as though they were listening. Such pretence may leave the speaker with the impression that the listener has heard important information or instructions offered by the speaker. some

3. Not hearing

Sometimes a person listens only to facts or details or to the way they were presented and miss the real meaning.

4. Rehearsing

Some people listen until they want to say something; then they quit listening, start rehearsing what they will say, and wait for an opportunity to respond.

5. Interrupting

The listener does not wait until the complete meaning can be determined, but interrupts so forcefully that the speaker stops in mid-sentence.

6. Hearing what is expected

People frequently think they heard speakers say what they expected them to say. Alternatively, they refuse to hear that they do not want to hear.

7. Feeling defensive

The listeners assume that they know the speaker's intention or why something was said, or for various other reasons, they expect to be attacked.

8. Listening for a point of disagreement

Some listeners seem to wait for the chance to attack someone. They listen intently for points on which they can disagree.

Advantages of active listening

1. You can reduce tension

Giving the other person a chance to express his problems or view point will help to clear the air of tension and hostility.

2. You can learn by listening

You can learn about the subject being discussed or about the person speaking.

3. Listening can win friends

The speaker will like you for letting him talk and for listening attentively to him.

4. Listening can solve the problems for the other person

Giving person a chance to talk through his problem in front of you will clarify his thinking about the subject and provide the emotional release.

5. Listening leads to better work and cooperation from others

When a person feels that you are really interested in him and his problems he respects you and the organization you represent.

6. Listening stimulates the speaker

Eager, alert and active listening helps the speaker do a better job of presenting his ideas.

7. Listening helps you sell

Attentive listening helps you grasp things quicker and better and consequently you can sell your ideas easily.

8. Listening gives you confidence

If you can follow the trend of the discussion or speech you can be confident of what you speak.

9. Listening increases your enjoyment

Good listening can increase your enjoyment of a play, a movie, a lecture. or a conversation.

10. Listening enhances your thinking

The average speaking rate is about 125 words per minute and your capacity to listen is about 400 to 600 words a minute. Thus while listening you have about 75% of your time free. You can use this extra time to think, understand, reflect, plan and decide.

How To Listen Actively?

Actual listening means personal responsibility to see that what one wanted to convey – thoughts and feelings - was received and what the other party wanted to convey - thoughts and feelings - was rightly understood and, if not, distortions are clarified before going further. The most neglected arts, courtesy and necessity today is that of listening. If as a friend, supervisor or teacher', one can do no more than be a good listener, you will still have done much for many.

Considerations In Good Listening

The experts have certain considerations, which carry weight for developing good listening. These are :

• Hearing is not Listening: Hearing does not make communication, but listening does. Thus, hearing is only a part of listening or communication process.

• Listening must take place at two levels: These two levels are the level of words and the level of feeling. We are constantly speaking the language of feelings, but rarely listening at the level. If one does not understand how a person feels, one can not have understood them.

• One can not listen to another unless one is listening to one's own: If one can not hear his feelings, one will never hear others. Without an awareness of your own feelings, you will be sending signals to them that you yourself do not perceive. You can not communicate with another if your own communication system has broken down.

• Exploration and Argumentation are different: Exploration is one thing, argumentation is another. Argumentation is the end of listening.

• No interruptions: Every effort should be made to avoid interrupting is a great leap forward for both speaker and listeners.

• No Man is an Island: People need people and today, more than ever, people need listening. 

• The first duty of love is to listen: That is, one is to listen to understand, because to understand is to listen.

Listening tips

Don't respond to just the meaning of the words, look for the feelings or intent beyond the words. The dictionary meaning of the words or code used by the sender is not the message.

If you are confused and know you do not understand, either tell the person you don't understand and ask him/her to say it in another way, or use your best guess. If you are incorrect, the person will realize it and will likely attempt to correct your misunderstanding.

Active listening is a very effective first response when the other person is angry, hurt or expressing difficult feelings towards you, especially in relationships that are important to you.

Use eye contact and listening body language. Avoid looking at your watch or at other people or activities around the room. Face and lean towards the speaker and nod your head, as it is appropriate. Be careful about crossing your arms and appearing closed or critical.

Be empathetic and nonjudgmental. You can be accepting and respectful of the person and their feelings and beliefs without invalidating or giving up your own position, or without agreeing with the accuracy and validity of their view.

Become a more effective listener. Practice the active listening technique and make it one of your communication skills.

• Use your own words in verbalizing your understanding of the message

• Do not respond just to the meaning of the words, look for the feelings

• Inhibit your impulse to answer questions 

• Know when to quit using active listening

• If you are confused clarify at the proper time 

• Use eye contact sensibly

• Be empathetic

• Be non-judgmental

Tips On Listening From Carl Rogers

No one saw more clearly the value of active listening than Mr. Carl Rogers, one of the founders of the humanistic psychology movement. Mr. Carl Rogers was trusty person – centered counselor, who revolutionized psychotherapy with his client-centered therapy. His person-centered values and non directive listening process that he found helpful in counseling clients, can help all of us to be better listeners, especially but not exclusively, while dealing with emotionally upset persons. Essential requisites in the listener/counselor, according to Carl Rogers, are:

1. Congruence

Alert awareness of his or her own feelings, and readiness to express them when appropriate 

2. Empathy

The ability to put oneself in the emotional shores of the other to see and feel the world of the other as he or she does.

3. Warm Unconditional Regard for the Person

That is, the speaker goes on without any conditions putting on the listener.

Aspects of the person revealed through non directive listening. These are: 

1. The person's communication style, preferred topics; 

2. His or her feelings; 

3. His or her point of view; 

4. His or her self-concept. 

This process starts with a clarification of the non directive role of the counselor. Usually, the person initially expresses certain amount of negative feelings, but then a more balanced and positive release of feelings follows which leads to insight and action on the part of the person listening.

The Techniques of Effective Listening

According to Mr. Carl Rogers, there are four techniques. These are: 

1. Listen for feeling. 

2. Follow, do not lead, the feelings; 

3. Recognize, accept and reflect feelings; 

4. Clarify through reflective questions choices facing the person, what Carl Rogers calls as "Forking".