Marital Humour

Post date: Feb 13, 2013 9:6:26 PM

They say that marriage makes a man dizzy, and it's true.

As soon as I got a wife, I lost my balance at the bank.

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home & devil in bed.

But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home & economist in Bed.

Q: Why do women live longer than men?

A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.

After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll kill u.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

You order what you want, and then when you see what the other person

has, you wish you had ordered that.

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr : married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr : No, but the thought of long life will never come.

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

Wife: Darling, today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything!!'

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,

then I realized that God doesn't work that way,

so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

A little boy went up to his father and asked :

'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'

His father replied:

'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine.'

Jimmy's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :

'Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.'

The mother wrote back the next day:

'If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his father!'