As I read "My Stroke of Insight" and Dr. Taylor's description of her realizing, at age 37, that she was having a stroke, I was deeply moved by her excellent description of slowly finding that her brain simply did not work in its normal way. Right while experiencing the stroke, she knew she needed help but had excruciating difficulty trying to use the telephone, read a phone number, speak, understand the speech of others. Her chapters on the experience are beyond excellent and very worth reading.
After the stroke, she had a long road of recovery but also of exploration and new realizations, too. The quotes below are more on her awareness of who and what she was, post-stroke, and her ways of directing her efforts and moods to maximize her recovery. All the while, she was an experienced and educated neuroscientist.
From "My Stroke of Insight" by Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, neuroscientist who suffered a stroke
As my left brain became stronger, it seemed natural for me to want to “blame” other people or external events for my feelings or circumstances. But realistically, I knew that no one had the power to make me feel anything, except for me and my brain. Nothing external to me had the power to take away my peace of heart and mind. That was completely up to me. I may not be in total control of what happens to my life, but I certainly am in charge of how I choose to perceive my experience.
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I’m a devout believer that paying attention to our self-talk is vitally important for our mental health. In my opinion, making the decision that internal verbal abuse is not acceptable behavior, is the first step toward finding deep inner peace. It has been extremely empowering for me to realize that the negative story-teller portion of my brain is only about the size of a peanut! Just imagine how sweet life was when those cranky cells were silent. Recovering my left mind has meant that I have had to give voice to all of my cells again. However, I have learned that in order to protect my overall mental health, it is necessary for me to tend the garden of my mind and keep these cells in check. I have found that my story-teller simply needs a little disciplining directive from my conscious mind about what I want versus what I find unacceptable. Thanks to our open line of communication, my authentic self has much more say over what is going on with this particular group of cells; and I spend very little time hooked into unwanted or inappropriate thought patterns.
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Having said that, however, I am often humored by the scheming antics of my story-teller in response to this type of directive. I have found that just like little children, these cells may challenge the authority of my authentic voice and test my conviction. Once asked to be silent, they tend to pause for a moment and then immediately reengage those forbidden loops. If I am not persistent with my desire to think about other things, and consciously initiate new circuits of thought, then those uninvited loops can generate new strength and begin monopolizing my mind again. To counter their activities, I keep a handy list of three things available for me to turn my consciousness toward when I am in a state of need:
1) I remember something I find fascinating that I would like to ponder more deeply,
2) I think about something that brings me terrific joy, or
3) I think about something I would like to do.
When I am desperate to change my mind, I use such tools.
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I have also found that when I am least expecting it-feeling either physically tired or emotionally vulnerable-those negative circuits have a tendency to raise their hurtful heads. The more aware I remain about what my brain is saying and how those thoughts feel inside my body, the more I own my power in choosing what I want to spend my time thinking about and how I want to feel. If I want to retain my inner peace, I must be willing to consistently and persistently tend the garden of my mind moment by moment, and be willing to make the decision a thousand times a day.
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Her emphasis on 90 seconds, 1.5 minutes, as the usual time a brain neural circuit needs to discharge its mission to alert to danger and thereby frighten, is one of the handiest bits I have carried away from her later chapters.
These passionate thoughts and feelings have the potential to jump instantly into my mind, but again, after their 90 seconds have come and gone, I have the power to consciously choose which emotional and physiological loops I want to hook into. I believe it is vital to our health that we pay very close attention to how much time we spend hooked into the circuitry of anger, or the depths of despair. Getting caught up in these emotionally charged loops for long periods of time can have devastating consequences on our physical and mental well-being because of the power they have over our emotional and physiological circuitry. However, with that said, it is equally important that we honor these emotions when they surge through us. When I am moved by my automatic circuitry, I thank my cells for their capacity to experience that emotion, and then I make the choice to return my thoughts to the present moment.
Taylor, Jill Bolte (2008-05-12). My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey (p. 121-155). Penguin Group. Kindle Edition.
Taylor, Jill Bolte (2008-05-12). My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey (p. 121-155). Penguin Group. Kindle Edition.