C. Germer Mindful Self Compassion

Notes from the book:

YOUR KINDLE NOTES FOR: The Mindful Path to Self-Compassion: Freeing Yourself from Destructive Thoughts and Emotions by Christopher K. Germer, Sharon Salzberg

4 Highlights | 4 Notes

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Recent research indicates, however, that the healing mechanisms behind successful therapy are not what we thought they were: it's the process of establishing a new relationship with our thoughts and feelings, rather than directly challenging them, that makes the difference. This new relationship is less avoidant, less entangled, more accepting, more compassionate, and more aware. Leaning into our problems with open eyes and an open heart- with awareness and compassion-is the process by which we get emotional relief.

Accepting difficulties, pain, failure is often helpful but seems wrong to even try

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Don't expect to do a lot of work. A patient of mine once said about self compassion, "It's not about fighting, so it's not as difficult as I thought it would be." You might, however, occasionally catch yourself practicing an exercise with grim determination. That's to be expected-old habits die hard. Try to recognize when you're straining and see if you can do the same thing more enjoyably. We're not trying to add anything to our lives; we're subtracting. It's about giving up the tension we unconsciously impose on ourselves to control or manipulate our experience.

Giving ourselves more support means LESS effort

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Let's try that now. This exercise takes only 5 minutes. You can't do it wrong. Choose a quiet place, sit comfortably, close your eyes, and notice what it feels like to be in your body. Just be with the physical sensations in your body as they come and go, without choosing to pay attention to any particular one. If it's a pleasant one, feel it and let it go. If it's an unpleasant one, also feel it and let it go. Perhaps you feel warmth in your hands, pressure on the seat, tingling in the forehead? Notice those sensations as a mother would gaze at a newborn baby, wondering what it's feeling. Just notice whatever arises, one sensation after another. Take your time.

Mindfulness is a special type of awareness that can keep us anchored safely in our bodies when the going gets tough. It can grow into a way of life that protects us from unnecessary suffering. When we're mindful, there's less need to escape unpleasant experience-there's a little breathing room around it.