No matter how hard I hit you, you are always unfazed. It hurts how vulnerable I am. No matter how hard I try to keep myself under control, it’s all futile, you won’t care either way. I am just as unruly when I am under control.
I should just say what I think because none of it matters. Every time you refer to me by name, it makes me want to scream because I am here knowing while you are not. It’s horrible how I don't like you enough to give you a simple truth. It's horrible how you just managed to prove that I should speak my mind freely because everything I say is true.
People do not deserve to withstand verbal abuse. It is never justifiable, not under any circumstance.
But maybe, just this once, I wish I could speak. I wish for once I didn’t think so rationally. Maybe this once I wish I could blame you for everything you’ve done. I wish I could scream and throw things and have you hurt. I wish I wouldn’t feel guilty if I managed to hurt your feelings.
I want you to listen to every word I’ve ever kept hidden behind my dull teeth.
But, of course, I must be rational. You are my mother. You have given everything for me and the least I could give you is peace. The least I could do is keep my tongue tucked behind my teeth. Keep my mouth shut, stumbling tongue stuttering when I don’t.
There is no need to throw stones. I am in a glass house and I must not throw stones. It would all come crashing down around me and it will be my fault. Everything is my fault. You’ve made that clear, despite your refusal to voice it. I know what you think, you are transparent.