Dave is in his room. He’s not going crazy, his fingers aren’t sparking. He doesn’t want to kill himself, at least not yet. But he’s still unsettled in his skin. He can’t sleep, not with the buzzing under his skin. The energy wants to burst out, even though it’s not particularly strong. All in all, he feels like he’s doing pretty great right now.
Of course, other people would describe him as doing very not good right now. Most people don’t feel like tearing off their skin because they feel like it’s buzzing. So who is right in this situation?
No one really. It’s not like he doesn’t know that most people don’t have his problems. But he also knows that for him, this is pretty good. Compared to what it could be, this is very tame.
Because somehow, this is a very tired type of energy. The buzzing seems to be sucking the energy out of him, rather than filling him with energy, which is how it usually goes. He can’t sleep right now, he’s too restless. But he’s so tired. He wants to sleep but the very idea of laying down is making his body more restless.
He doesn’t know what to do. He’s sluggish in a way he usually isn’t, and although it’s better than how he feels when he’s especially bad, it’s still not a relief. It’s almost worse, in a way. Being tired has become a feeling of safety for him, when he’s tired and sleepy he doesn’t have his energy all filled up. But now he’s both tired and energetic.
He hauls himself out of his chair in an attempt to clear out some of the electricity arcing over his skin. It seems he’s getting worse over time. He knows Abigail is asleep right now, she’s careful to keep her sleep schedule regular. He doesn’t know who else to call. He doesn’t know if Eugene or Litha are asleep or not, and the Sides aren’t all that close with him. Peter and Rose, he thinks, aren’t the people he should go to with this type of problem, they wouldn’t know how to help him even if they wanted to.
That leaves one person. The walk and drive will be kind of far, but some fresh air will help, hopefully. So he moves from where he’s standing in the middle of his bedroom to out the door.
The air is pleasantly cold. It strikes some of the sluggishness from him. As he heads to Lin’s, he tries to control his breathing. Sometimes breathing helps him push his way through the buzzing. It doesn’t work but it still helps.
By the time he steps off the road, he is somewhat calmed. He’s no longer in misery, although it is close. The sight of the barn calms him even further. Even though he hates being around people like this, doesn’t like them seeing how much it affects him, they do help. He’s always been a tactile person, something to do with replacing bad sensations with good ones.
By the time he steps into the barn, he craves physical affection. He wants somebody to hug him and tell him that everything will be okay, that this will pass. He has a hard time climbing the ladder to the loft that Lin sleeps in but he manages it eventually.
Lin is sitting and staring out the window. He has headphones in, which explains why he didn’t notice him come in. He goes to grab their shoulder. The touch feels like sparks, but a good spark this time, not like his own fingers when he’s alone.
Lin looks up at the touch. He doesn’t know what expression he’s making but it must be enough for them to know that he’s not quite up to speaking. He simply offers the space next to him, also not speaking.
Dave sits and immediately crowds close to them. He puts his arm around him and they’re both cuddling each other. The contact helps a lot, the buzzing has calmed considerably. He tries to focus on it exclusively, treating it like he treats his breathing exercises, forcing his way past what he feels.
He loses track of the minutes like this. It doesn’t matter how long he’s been sitting here. He feels better and that is enough for him. He’s starting to feel tired in a normal way instead of the sluggish way. He’s no longer restless and his skin is still for the first time today. He’s doing better than he is most of the time. He’s rather content sitting here.
He starts to feel sleepy, his eyes are slowly closing and he’s starting to breathe deeper not of his volition. Lin looks at him as he starts to yawn. They crack a smile and pat him on the head. He runs his hand through his hair. It’s extremely relaxing and brings a smile to both their faces. Lin feels like they have a puppy on his lap.
Dave slips more into sleep at this point. By the time Lin picks him up, he’s barely aware of what’s going on around him. All he knows is that he’s warm and moving and sleepy. It’s only a few steps till they get to the bed. Lin tries to set him down but he just clings to them.
Lin simply shakes their head with a smile and lays down with him. Dave curls into him as he sleeps. Lin is glad that they could help, he’s not Abigail but he does know how Dave gets.
It was different this time, he gets louder as he gets riled up, not quieter. It was odd seeing the way his body screamed out that he couldn’t talk if he wanted to.
But he’s over that now and sleeping peacefully. He deserves to. Everybody deserves some peace and quiet. They brush the hair out of his face as they close their eyes and slip into sleep themselves.