Managing difficult conversations

Difficult conversations will come up from time to time during your university studies, and in your future graduate role, just as they may do in other aspects of life.

Learning how to effectively manage difficult conversations is a useful skill and during your university studies is a great time to develop that skill. You may find difficult conversations occuring within seminar discussion, for example if your discussion tackles complex or challenging topics. Difficult conversations might happen in group work, for example if group members are not contributing. Or with your tutors, for example if you are struggling but worried about asking a question that might seem silly or irrelevant. 

Group work situations in university can be challenging, especially when difficult conversations arise. Here are some tips for managing those conversations:

1. Set ground rules: At the beginning of your group work, set some ground rules that everyone can agree on. These might include things like respectful communication, active listening, and a commitment to finding solutions together.

2. Listen actively: When someone is speaking, try to listen actively rather than just waiting for your turn to talk. Ask questions to clarify their points and show that you're engaged in the conversation.

3. Use "I" statements: When expressing your own opinions or feelings, use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "you're not listening to me," say "I feel like I'm not being heard."

4. Stay calm: When emotions run high, it's easy to get defensive or angry. Try to stay calm and keep your tone neutral. Take deep breaths or count to 10 if you need to.

5. Focus on solutions: Instead of dwelling on the problem, focus on finding solutions. Brainstorm together and try to come up with a plan that everyone can agree on.

6. Take a break if needed: If the conversation becomes too heated or if someone needs to step away to cool down, take a break. Agree on a time to reconvene and continue the conversation later.

7. Seek outside help if necessary: If the conversation becomes too difficult to manage, consider seeking outside help from a mediator or a trusted advisor.

Remember that difficult conversations are a natural part of group work, and learning how to manage them effectively can be a valuable skill for your future career. You can find more about challenging conversations in the workplace in this guide.