April Fools

By:The Professor

April Fools Article for Reader Weekly


There were two presskits sent this week for bands to cover for the April 1st Duluth Battle of The Bands. One was from Duluth’s Horny Hairy Hippies, the other was the #1 Minneapolis band, The Citydoits. The Horny Harry Hippies have no CD, web site, PR, permanent members, and they’re not even sure what their name is (There were 20 other Duluth bands competing, but none of them even had a press-kit). On the other hand the Citydiots have a glossy press-kit, CD (With words to the songs, stories, etc), they play some covers everyone loves, and if you say jump… They say how high?

It wasn’t long ago that The Horny Harry Hippies changed it all in Duluth.. They said forget it to their format of "Grateful Dead jams" and decided to jam a novelty mix of hip-hop, folk, and alt-country. At first no one thought it would work. Lucy McGee was interviewed at their first show and was reported as saying, "Is this a joke? Can you even call that sh#t music? My ears are almost bleeding!" From there it only got worse for the Hippies. When they were booked at the new Nuttybar Coffeeshop for a Thursday evening opener Hard Harry Hunchback was severely burned. He talks of the incident, "Some lady walked up to the stage, spit in her coffee, then flung it at me.. cup and all..." Nuttybar Coffeeshop was open for 6 weeks before closing due to The Smoking Band and the smoking ban.

I asked a man wearing a ski-vest, stalking cap, dreads, and Ragstock clothing who saw the band what he thought of the show. He was reported as saying, "I don’t get it?" This was a typical Duluth response..

The last time I saw the Citydiots was in December at Tyomies in Superior. When I entered and looked around I saw that the crowd was mostly thirtysomethings with more black leather on than an S&ampampampM convention. My first instinct was to look at the stage and see what kind of equipment was there. Looks good… looks like some rockin’ electric guitars, big amplifiers and a nice sized stage. So my next thought was to find the band. This usually is accomplished by looking around the room and playing "The Equipment Match Game". Tonight it was obvious. In a room filled with guys (A usual Superior sight) there was a collection of hairsprayed leather girls at a table up front that looked like the Guns N’ Roses 1989 Backstage Tour. The guys looking like Warrant standing next to them must have been in the band, or else I had just stepped through a time warp?

They took the stage to an explosion of, "I WANNA ROCK ROCK… Ba Da da da da da.." blasting over the PA. So before the song ended my attention span was gone. I was too young to enjoy hair bands and it’s too late for me now.. Besides where in the heck is the bathroom in this place?

After finding and exiting the bathroom we left running!

The Horny Harry Hippies were playing across town the same evening at Pizza Luce. The place was packed, and when I got to the door the bouncer asked me for the cover. I didn’t say I was trying to do a review for the Reader and just wanted to see if the band was worth reviewing. Price: $35 cover for two people.. OUCH! But this band must be something.. I thought..

There were about 300 people in the whole place with 10 dancing up front. With so much room the dancers in front danced like flowers blowing in the breeze... And almost into me.. Making their way through the enchanted forest I think? So I took some notes to begin, "The Oldest guy in Duluth and hippies dancing.. but I didn’t know what was longer, the old guys beard or the hippie girl's under arm hair?" My friend joked that hippies don’t usually wear such tight pants either, (Showing some skin is not always a good thing!) hey what happened to sewing your own clothes man? Maybe it was the Vodka, maybe I was losing my love of armpit hair on girls, or maybe I wasn't focusing on the band and taking in the music?

The band, well coming in so late what could one say? Cheesy, gospel poetry lyrics with a flare of hodgepodgey artsy eclectic hip hop jamming? But it mesmerized the hippies whose dreadlocks were swaying to the beat. They ate up every word of a poem that ended with the great rhyme of "band" with "sand." The crowd now cheered so loud the guy twirling a pizza in the back looked up. That is when they broke out their hit, "Ain’t Gonna Shower, Ain’t Gonna Wash My Hair". The hip-hop rhyming was in full effect, especially in the lyrics, "My dreads - yeah they’re so long, I ain’t washed them since last cleaning out my bong. Water from the bong - moisturizes the hair, it also works great at attracting bear!" This held some significance to Hard Harry Hunchback, the Banjo/DJ/Spinner/Vocalist/Mandolin/Mouthharp/One-man band. He told a story how bong water actually makes dreadlocks smell better, like a natural neutralizer. This was confirmed by the crew at The Last Place On Earth, who have started a collection jug for old bong water. Local beautician Janine Joplin pays big bucks for the bong water, and has a collection point at here salon. Contact her@ Joplinhealingbongwater@yahoo.com.

A battle of the bands always brings out the best in Duluth. So check it out this weekend (April 1st at the new Nor Shor), see where your loyalties stand for Duluth in the Battle Of The Bands. Support the town’s struggling musicians.. And no cover charge with bong water donation.