Bullying

Bullying is an act of repeated aggressive behavior in order to intentionally hurt another person, physically or mentally. Bullying is characterized by an individual behaving in a certain way to gain power over another person. Bullying can also be defined as when a person is "exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons." A negative action is defined as "when a person intentionally inflicts injury or discomfort upon another person, through physical contact, through words or in other ways".

The U.S. National Center for Education Statistics suggests that bullying can be classified into two categories:

Direct Bullying: Direct bullying is a repeated act that involves a great deal of physical aggression, such as shoving and poking, throwing things, slapping, choking, punching and kicking, beating, stabbing, pulling hair, scratching, biting, scraping, and pinching. Direct bullying can also be threatening, challenging or calling someone names directly to their face.

Indirect Bullying: Indirect bullying is characterized by attempting to socially isolate the victim. This isolation is achieved through a wide variety of techniques, including spreading gossip, refusing to socialize with the victim, bullying other people who wish to socialize with the victim, and criticizing the victim’s manner of dress and other socially-significant markers (including the victim’s race, religion, disability, sex, or sexual preference, etc.) Other forms of indirect bullying which are more subtle and more likely to be verbal, such as name calling, the silent treatment, arguing others into submission, manipulation, gossip/false gossip, lies, rumors, false rumors, staring, giggling, laughing at the victim, saying certain words that trigger a reaction from a past event, and mocking.

• Bullying is exposing a person to abusive actions repeatedly over time and becomes a concern when hurtful or aggressive behavior toward an individual or group appears to be unprovoked, intentional, and (usually) repeated.
• Bullying is a form of violence which involves a real or perceived imbalance of power, with the more powerful child or group attacking those who are less powerful. Bullying may be physical (hitting, kicking, spitting, pushing), verbal (taunting, malicious teasing, name calling, threatening), or emotional (spreading rumors, manipulating social relationships, extorting, or intimidating).
• Bullying can include any severe or pervasive physical or verbal act or conduct, including: communications made in writing or by means of an electronic act, directed toward one or more students that has or can reasonably be predicted to have the effect of placing a reasonable student in fear of harm to himself/herself or his/her property; cause the student to experience a substantially detrimental effect on his/her physical or mental health; or cause the student to experience substantial interferences with his/her academic performance or ability to participate in or benefit from the services, activities, or privileges provided by a school.
• Bullying also includes one or more acts by a pupil or group of pupils directed against another pupil that constitutes sexual harassment, hate violence, or severe or pervasive intentional harassment, threats, or intimidation that is disruptive, causes disorder, and invades the rights of others by creating an intimidating or hostile educational environment, and includes acts that are committed personally or by means of an electronic act, as defined, that has any of the effects described above on a reasonable student.
• Electronic act means the transmission of a communication, including, but not limited to, a message, text, sound, image, or post on a social network Internet web site, by means of an electronic device, including, but not limited to, a telephone, wireless telephone, or other wireless communication device, computer, or pager. A post on a social network Internet web site shall include, but is not limited to, the posting or creation of a burn page or the creation of a credible impersonation or false profile for the purpose of causing a reasonable student any of the effects of bullying described above.
• Reasonable student means a student, including, but not limited to, a student who has been identified as a student with a disability, who exercises average care, skill, and judgment in conduct for a person of his/her age, or for a person of his/her age with his/her disability.

For the school to determine if an action will be defined as bullying, the action must have four elements:

1. Be an act of aggression
2. The act must be done to INTENTIONALLY hurt another person
3. The act must be done more than once
4. There needs to be an imbalance of power either socially, in numbers, or physically.

NOTE: Even if the act is not determined to be bullying, if it is a negative act it will still be dealt with by the school as a discipline issue.

What is not considered Bullying?

According to Ronit Baras of the Family Matters project, when talking about bullying, it is very important for parents (and teachers and kids) to understand what bullying is not. Many times, a single act or behavior is out of proportion, but it is not considered bullying. Some people think that bullying is any aggressive behavior and although such behaviors are a source of concern and need attention, it is important to separate them from bullying. As defined earlier, bullying is recurring and deliberate abuse of power.

Student Concerns that are NOT Examples of Bullying

1. Not liking someone - It is very natural that people do not like everyone around them and, as unpleasant as it may be to know someone does not like you, verbal and non-verbal messages of "I don't like you" are not acts of bullying.
2. Being excluded - Again, it is very natural for people to gather around a group of friends and we cannot be friends with everyone, so it is acceptable that when kids have a party or play a game, they will include their friends and exclude others. It is very important to remind kids they do the same thing sometimes too and, although exclusion is unpleasant, it is not an act of bullying.
3. Accidentally bumping into someone - When people bump into others, the reaction depends mostly on the bumped person's mood. If they have had a bad day, they think it was an act of aggressive behavior, but if they are in the good mood, they smile back and attract an apology. This is also relevant for playing a sport, like when kids throwing the ball at each other and hit someone on the head. It is very important for teachers and parents to explain that some accidents happen without any bad intention and it is important not to create a big conflict, because it was not an act of bullying.
4. Making other kids play things a certain way - Again, this is very natural behavior. Wanting things to be done our way is normal and is not an act of bullying. To make sure kids do not fall into considering it as an aggressive or "bossy" behavior, we need to teach them assertiveness. If your kids come home and complain that Jane is very bossy and she always wants things to be done her way, you can show them that they want it too and that Jane is miserable, because she is not flexible enough and she will suffer in life for insisting that things be done her way. Again, although it is not fun or pleasant, this is not bullying.
5. A single act of telling a joke about someone - Making fun of other people is not fun for them, but the difference between having a sense of humor and making fun of someone is very fine. It is important to teach kids (and grownups) that things they say as jokes should also be amusing for the others. If not, they should stop. Unless it happens over and over again and done deliberately to hurt someone, telling jokes about people is not bullying.
6. Arguments - Arguments are just heated disagreements between two (or more) people (or groups). It is natural that people have different interests and disagree on many things. Think about it, most of us have disagreements with ourselves, so it is very understandable to have disagreements with others. The argument itself is not a form of bullying, although some people turn arguments into bullying, because they want to win the argument so much. They use every means to get what they want and find a weakness in the other person, abuse knowledge or trust they have gained and use it against the other person. It is very important to distinguish between natural disagreements and bullying during an argument.
7. Expression of unpleasant thoughts or feelings regarding others - Again, communication requires at least two players. Although it may be unpleasant to hear what someone thinks about you, it is not a form of bullying but a very natural thing. In every communication, there are disagreements and some form of judgment about each other's attitude and behavior. If someone says to you, "I think this was not a nice gesture" or "You insulted me when you said this", this is not bullying but an expression of thoughts and feelings.
8. Isolated acts of harassment, aggressive behavior, intimidation or meanness - The definition of bullying states that there is repetition in the behavior. Bullying is a conscious, repeated, hostile, aggressive behavior of an individual or a group abusing their position with the intention to harm others or gain real or perceived power. Therefore, anything that happens once is not an act of bullying. All the behaviors above are unpleasant and may need to be addressed, but they are not treated as bullying.

What to do if you are being Bullied?

Now that we know that Bullying is a “repeated aggressive behavior that takes place over time”, what actions should you and your child take if it is happening to them?

Tell a parent - Too many times students are taught to handle things themselves. Being bullied may be a new experience for your child. You as a parent have more life experience to help your child deal with it. As a parent, it is important to pay attention to what your kids are telling you and find out if things are happening more than once. If you as a parent have a concern, please contact school administration as soon as possible.

Tell a trusted adult at school (counselor, teacher, administrator) The number one reason bullying occurs at school is because the school does not know about it. If the school does not know about it, they cannot stop it. Work with your school – Remember your school wants to stop bullying as much as you do. Work with them as a team and devise solutions together. Standing up for yourself is not snitching!