consideringthepastwhilelookingtowardthef
Considering the Past While Looking Toward the Future
By David McConnell
Nostalgic View Of Past Reflects A Pessimistic Future
Gordon Livingston, in his excellent book “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart— Thirty True Things You Need to Know Now,” tells us “The only real paradises are those we have lost.” To set the stage for the points that I want to make I want to quote a little more from chapter 27 of Livingston’s book that expresses his views concerning how our looking to the past with nostalgia reflects a contrast to how we are now and pessimism about the future.
A Time Of Reunion Is A Time To Consider Our Future
As we think about reunion with the past and our classmates from long ago, I would like to consider with you some things to think about as we go forward from here and what we can do to make our future something to look forward to; indeed, even exciting to contemplate. But first, let’s consider what Livingston has to say.
Our View Of The Past Is A Reflection Upon Our Now
“Nostalgia for an idealized past is common and usually harmless. Memory can, however, distort our attempts to come to terms with the present. When people speak wistfully of the way things used to be, it is almost always in contrast to what is happening now and reflects a kind of gloom about the future.”
Selective Memory Distorts Our View Of The Past
Livingston goes on to point out that things weren’t really better long ago. “What happens as we try to come to terms with our pasts is that we see our lives as a process of continual disenchantment. We long for the security provided by the comforting illusions of our youth. We remember the breathless infatuation of first love; we regret the complications imposed by our mistakes, the compromises of our integrity, the roads not taken. The cumulative burdens of our imperfect lives are harder to bear as we weaken in body and spirit. Our yearning for the past is fueled by a selective memory of our younger selves.”
There Are Other Reasons For Wanting To Reconnect
There are many, no doubt, whose looking back over 40 or 50 years with nostalgia is very much as Livingston described it. For me, however, there are other reasons for wanting to reconnect with classmates from long ago. It isn’t so much that I have a sense of an unfulfilled life presently. I really do not feel that my wanting to reconnect with my classmates of the past has to do with a sense of an unfulfilled present. It has more to do with a sense that I didn’t really connect with my classmates in the past; not because they failed me, but because I failed to connect with them. I think I wasn’t ready then, but I think I am now. People change over time. Sometimes we grow up. Sometimes we look for more than the superficial in others that is often characteristic of youth. So for me reunion is a time for connecting the dots, so to speak, that I failed to connect in the past.
Mistakes Of The Past Aren’t Something To Brood Over
I recognize mistakes of the past, but even in those mistakes, I see them as positive elements in our growing into what we can be. Most of us do not have the capacity to direct our lives to an end from the very beginning without some significant correction as we transit from the beginning to the end. Learning from our mistakes is a vital part of that corrective process. So, for me, looking to connect with the past is more a part of establishing that which I feel didn’t get sufficiently established. I want a present sense of having the fullest relationships possible with my classmates from the past. I think reconnecting will give me that opportunity. For me, it’s not about dissatisfaction with the present, but a sense of incompleteness about the past—an incompleteness that I have the wherewithal to remedy.
I’m Optimistic About The Future And Feel Good About Now
Although I’ve not always been an optimistic person in the past, I am now. I’m not talking, mind you, about optimism concerning world events, concerning the likelihood that I might get all of the things that might catch my eye, or even to be able to do all of the things that I’d find enjoyment in doing. I’m talking about being optimistic about having a sense of fulfillment in the days ahead as well as a sense of having been fulfilled in the experiences of the past. I’d like to share some of the reasons for my optimism.
My Reasons For Optimism Are Because I Know Myself
Over the years I’ve come to know myself much better than I did years ago when we were classmates and we were all trying to discover who we were. Over the years I learned that life is about more than finding yourself; it’s about creating yourself. It’s about finding that sense of purpose that we all have, but that some of us never really find. It’s about finding that sense of purpose and those unique gifts that we each have that we can build our dreams upon. Through many mistakes and through much learning from them I’ve been able to find my gifts, to find my purpose, and to find my dreams. That gives me cause to be optimistic about the future, a future of fulfillment.
An Optimistic Future Isn’t Denied By Past Failures
From my earliest days in public school I had a sense of being different from others. I was a poor student. I rarely made good grades. I had a very low self-image. As I compared myself with others, I seemed to be deficient in every way. I was self-absorbed, and what I saw I didn’t like. It took me many years to discover my gifts and my potential, but I did eventually discover them. The temperament test that I’ve posted on this web site was an immense help to me in coming to an understanding of myself. It served as a beginning of my self discovery. It put into words what I had been sensing for many years. Now I know myself and I’m ok with me. I now understand my gifts and what gives me satisfaction. I’m confident that I’ll find fulfillment in the future.
Regardless Of Our Past, We Can Have An Optimistic Future
I think the key to having an optimistic view of our future is in knowing ourselves, in understanding our particular gifts, and in having a clear sense of purpose. Satisfaction comes from within and from aligning our internal purpose and priorities with what we do and what we seek. Adventure in life is not outside us; it’s inside us. As we understand our passions and our purpose and as we allow them to guide our way, we can change the way we see ourselves. I did. The key is in finding our talents and strengths and aligning them with our inner purpose.
Having An Optimistic Future Requires A Positive Outlook
Beyond knowing our talents and our strengths, having an optimistic future requires embracing the positive side of life: what you want, what you have, what is possible, what you can do, what is working, who is with you, and what propels you forward. The negative side of life tends to pull us down: what we don’t want, what we need, what is problematic, what we can’t do, what isn’t working, who is against us, what is holding us back, what we stand to lose, and our setbacks.
Happiness Follows As We Align Our Talents And Dreams
Someone has well said that the three components of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. For these things really to work we must align them with our sense of purpose, our unique talents and our dreams. Have you found your own drummer to march to? I have. I hope you have too. If you have, I’m confident you will have an optimistic future.
We Need Others Who Can Help Us
There is one last thing to consider. I’m certain that it is important that we find others who can help us while avoiding those who hinder and pull us down. Someone has said that friends are the best therapy we can get. I want to be one who pulls others up. When I’ve not been that kind of friend then I’m exceedingly sorry. I’m so glad to be able to reconnect with friends from the past.
[Though I have taken exception with Dr. Livingston in this narrative, I’m sure that what he writes (as cited above) is true for many people, though it need not be. His book is simply excellent. I highly recommend that you read it thoughtfully and carefully consider his thirty things you need to know now. I’m sure you’ll be glad you did.]
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