you would think that Joe would think that his woman had gotten up with another man. but he was not the presumptuous type. even when she began to "show" as they say he did not presume that she was pregnant. joe read in one of his woman's fashion journals entitled "don't show when you're showing" that it is never tactful to approach a woman and ask, "so when's the baby due?" or "hey, looks like you've got a bun in the oven." These types of apparently harmless cocktail icebreakers are instead a minefield of explosive insinuations and R considered unflattering to a woman, even if the woman is actually two women or large enough to be, and can be especially dangerous for example when the woman actually has a potbelly resulting from massive beer consumption coupled with uneven fat distribution. for drunks are prone to anger. while the article was primarily about fashion tips on hiding the potbelly resulting from having a bun in the oven, Joe was savvy and saw the writing on the wall (they hadn't invented paper yet.) He understood that perhaps the woman has indeed gotten up with another man, and does indeed have a bun in the oven. but he agreed with the author of the article that there is generally no benefit in referring to this subject except for the sociopath looking for a sort of social terrorist thrill. And this was not Joe and this was not the Joe that Joe wanted to be.
and this is not to say that Joe was ignorant of the possibilities, most of which he contemplated with his vivid imagination in extraordinary and graphic detail. Instead this is to say that Joe relied more confidently upon probabilities, especially when prompted to act or react in a situation. But let us not dwell too much on the difference between possibility and probability. the matter at hand was in Joe's hand. for he knew well that these journals were not for women at all, but were designed skillfully for men, and included seductive and alluring photos of sparsely clad women to induce men to take seminal matters into their own hands, and thereby trick them into reading these articles to educate them about the special needs of their partners. and possibly to distract a man and give the woman an opportunity to sift through the man's wherewithal in search of evidence of skullduggery, a strand of another woman's hair, or a shard of amber concealed in a loin, or worse. No! Joe's woman was pregnant and Joe knew better than anyone else that he himself was not the one who sired the child, notwithstanding an unmemorable psychotic episode which included copulation and insemination. Joe put down the scrap of hide he was reading, reclined on a stump, and gazed at a graven image.
Joe observed likewise for several months the conspicuous absence of the monthly menstruation management utensils, the bloody mini-diapers in the bathroom rubbish bin. joe chuckled privately one sabbath afternoon when he had apparently forgotten to flush after pinching a loaf, and as he sat on a log by a graven image reading his woman's fashion journal, he heard her call out, "someone left me a present. " well, someone had left him a few bloody presents as well, isn't it? he thought.
but his chuckling this sabbath devolved gradually into a probability function, and his face fell graven. for it was at that moment that the probability overwhelmed his sense of humor. and still he did not react. he had just finished a paragraph in the journal admonishing men about the outmoded method of escorting one's woman to a gathering by means of dragging her along by the hair on her head. he then recalled a noteworthy and possibly relevant anecdote in which his neighbor "abe" reacted violently toward his cheating wife and was instantly struck dead by a bolt of lightning which most of the neighbors agreed originated from heaven (as opposed to a dark rain cloud hovering over their hovel. )
when Joe's wife was fixing to raise up and get her baby on, Joe remained transfixed with the oddity of his wife's apparent lack of suspicion about Joe's apparent lack of suspicion about her pregnancy. as they hobbled toward the shaman's, Mary suddenly shrieked, "joseph! I about to pop! " he rushed her into a nearby animal husbandry sanitarium, and our Lord Jesus H. Christ was squeezed out onto a bale of straw.
I submit this, as of this moment, 1:01 am February 23 2015 cambodia time, as the most recent of the many gospels, this pertaining largely to the neglected thoughts and deeds of the non father of JC and the act of adultery committed by God, who forbade such pleasures in a stone inscription quoted in the pentateuch and therein referred to as the "ten commandments."