perhaps within arm's reach of me a small child was eating batteries. children act with unfettered determination. and display a clear sense of purpose. i was mesmerized briefly as i gazed in astonishment at this little human consuming watch batteries like robot vitamins. and i nodded my head sideways like an indian when my internal commentary cranked up, and i thought, "that kid is more goal oriented than her baby brother" (who was looking unconscious in his crib, which was overturned down by the edge of the pond - but i could still see him clearly - seems like i was supposed to keep an eye on him.
some crazy woman suddenly came through the door and shouted, "what are you doing to our daughter?" i looked down at the box of watch batteries in my hands. she scooped up the child and ran into the kitchen. i wanted to warn her that in some cases it is not advised to induce vomiting. but i thought she would say this is one of those moments when i should be more introspective and less confrontational. so i just asked if there was anything i could do. she said that i really should see someone.
"wouldn't you be jealous if were to see someone?"
realizing that she is so spiritually evolved and directly in touch with her higher self so that she does not even feel jealousy anymore, i was instantly flooded with envy and self loathing, and i flung open the sliding glass door and dove off the back deck.
i landed hard on an american yew shrublet about two feet below the deck. ouch. those little red berries looked delicious and i started popping them into my mouth, but i was careful to spit out the poisonous seeds.
about 30 seconds later i suppose my wife spotted the crashed crib from the kitchen window and she came running down the hill toward the pond. "hey. take it easy, babe. you can't help doodad if you fall and crack your skull open! i think she was nearly hysterical. she gets so dramatic.
i saw her scoop up doodad - that's not his real name - and run back to the house. i've seen in movies where there will be a transaction of this kind, and i have heard them use the word "crisis" to describe the events. well, i guess these tv shows are more realistic than i knew before.
whew! good thing this is just an imaginary family and not my real one. not that i have a family, i mean, just saying.
whew! ok. that was all just a nightmare. everything in my actual reality is perfectly normal. except maybe my imagination.