Rules of Bartending

1. A recipe that calls for Orange Curacao, or Triple Sec: Try Apricot Brandy instead.

2. When shaking a cocktail that requires it: Shake as hard as you can, until it is as cold as you can get it; But don't over do it, or it will become watery.

3. Always fine-strain cocktails, so as to avoid a thin layer of ice shards on the surface of the libation.

4. Don't confuse progress with amelioration.

5. Don't mix Absinthe with sour ingredients.

6. Don't mix white and brown spirits in a single cocktail recipe.

7. Prepare drinks using the optimal technique:
a. Stirring with ice, and then straining over fresh ice, is better than simply pouring directly over ice then serving: e.g. Godfather, Negroni, and Old-Fashioneds.
b. Shaking drinks which contain cream or fruit/ citrus juice is better than simply pouring directly over ice then serving: e.g. White Russians, and Seabreezes.
c. Dry-shake drinks containing eggwhite, then shake again with ice; This assures you of achieving a formidable foam.

8. Consult barbooks of yore for inspiration, but do not slavishly idolise the recipes of the past, otherwise the future will just be a carbon-copy of yesteryear.

9. An old recipe, from an old bar-book, is not neccesarily a classic cocktail; It may just be old.

10. A dash being no definite measure, I must leave it to the mixer's good judgment to suit his customers' taste --- William Schmidt, The Flowing Bowl, 1892.

11. Same ingredients, different recipe; Ratios matter; e.g. White Lady & Chelsea Sidecar.

12. Theres nothing great about using an original recipe, especially if a subsequent recipe is better tasting?

13. If you are using the original recipe, shouldn't you also use the original ingredients? Brands matter.

14. When someone asks for Whiskey at the bar, assume they want Bourbon Whiskey; Though be prepared to admit the existence of Irish and Scottish Whiskies when pressured.

15. When you serve a drink to a customer it should be ready to drink straight away; No need for the guest to stir or mix at all.

16. Never admit drunkenness, no matter the evidence. - Michael Butt.

17. Don't use ice when preparing a Bloody Mary; Serve without ice: Keep the Tomato Juice in the fridge.

18. A Virgin Mary doesn't contain alcohol, so don't put red wine or sherry into any pre-prepared mixes.

19. Bitters are not an authentic addition to the Whiskey Sour; Though, as always, they are an optional extra.

20. Before using words such as Traditional, Classic, and Original, with regards to menu descriptions etc, make sure you are 100% correct.

21. When layering a drink, pour the liquid into the bowl of the spoon, rather than pouring over the back of the spoon.

22. The colder you intend to serve a drink the sweeter you must make its composition;
Because as it states in Oxford Night-caps from 1847 "...extreme cold detracts from the sweetness of liquors"; They knew this fact back then, but so few know it nowadays.

23. Clean as you go; Keep the bartop dry and free from stickiness; Clean up spillages as quickly as possible.

24. Use the sink efficiently; Don't pile dirty equipment in the sink, especially if you are sharing a station with other bartenders.

25. Be pro-active; Pre-empt what other bartenders need, and help them before they even ask for help; This can be achieved by listening in on order-taking.

26. No-one wants to be served by a miserable cunt, so try and appear to be happy.

Any fool bartender can endlessly create weird and wonderous new cocktail recipes; The true skill lies in getting people to drink these "new" libations, and also to order another at some point.

28. The Manhattan: When taking an order for said cocktail, offer "sweet, dry or medium"; This way no-one is under the delusion that a mixture of sweet and dry vermouth is in someway "perfect".