As men, we often approach marriage thinking about what would be the characteristics of a great wife.
You might look at the characteristics of Proverbs 31 as a wise reference when looking to find a woman you would want to marry.
The passage in verse 10 starts with... "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. "
When I look at the rest of this. passage, I notice that the husband of this woman is mentioned 3 times.
So to find a great wife, what kind of man do you have to be? A friend of mine who had recently come out of addiction and incarceration said to me "I am not going to to date for a year since I am not the man yet that would attract the kind of woman I want. " Instead he focused his first year on knowing God and obeying Him better, and building the character of a good husband. I later attended his wedding to a wonderful Godly young woman from our church, and he has grown to be a loving husband and leader in work and community.
We see here that there are clear behaviors to finding an excellent wife...
Treasure your wife!
vs 10. An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
Jewels are things that are beautiful, that we treasure, that hold value, are durable, and that honor us. Proverbs 12:4. also says... "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband."
A great way to love God is by expressing gratefulness to him for creating your wife exactly as he willed, for bringing her into your life, and for the many ways she is a blessing to you. Praise him for her unique character, gifts and for how God is working through her for His Kingdom. Her strengths may even complete and complement areas of our weakness, and so God can use her knowledge, wisdom and gifts to help us in our walk with God. Thank God daily for providing her as a partner in your life as his child.
Remember the Proverb “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (Prov. 18:22). A great way to love your wife is by treasuring her with learning her passions, spiritual gifts, and love language (read the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman)...which is how she feels valued by others. Then spend time nurturing, encouraging and supporting her growth as a child of God.
Remember your marriage commitment of forsaking all others, which means giving up activities and relationships with others that could dishonor her place as a holy (dedicated to God) partner in your life. This may includes friendships with other men that dishonor their spouses by being selfish with their gratefulness and time, by providing attention to other women in person or through personal addictions, anger, video gaming, or pornography that gives away honor and time that should be only for her.
Trust you wife!
vs 11 Her husband trusts her, and she will enrich his life.
A key way that a believer demonstrates trust in God is by trusting their spouse. If you are believers intent on seeking God and His Kingdom, then you can trust that the Holy Spirit will guide you and your wife in unity.. Then as He guides your wife, you can rest in the fact that he is guiding you both. One translation states, you will have "everything you need".
So this means your insecurities should not draw you into controlling, condescending, or competitive behaviors with your spouse. Trust God is leading them. When big decisions come up for money, housing, sex, careers and in-laws, you can choose to submit, and trust your wife when she says that God is leading in a certain direction.
When you trust her, you support her significance in your relationship and in the world. This gives her a confidence in being more open and transparent with you, in supporting you, and in boldness as she follows God's leading in her life. Trusts then enriches your relationship with her and enriches your life.
Encourage your wife's calling!
vs 23 Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
Men feel the need to be respected by others as their way of feeling significant. This passage speaks of a wife who pursues the gifts and opportunities God has given her. As you encourage your wife in these things, others see your mutual support and unity. This testimony has influence and impact in the lives of others in your community.
And as you pursue the gifts and opportunities that God gives you, you feel confidence and freedom knowing that your wife finds strength and peace in you relationship.
Since each of you measure success and satisfaction as to how you are able to influence the advancing of God's Kingdom by loving people unconditionally, then unity comes more easily. Together as you submit to each other you can influence your family, church, community and nation .
Ephesians 5:25-30 says "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself."
Bless your wife with gratefulness and compliments!
vs. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
As Husbands, we need to be listening, looking and observing what makes our wives find significance, and encourage them through word and deed. This means speaking words of encouragement at home, writing notes of blessing, and publicly praising her work and impact. The author here not only compliments his wife publicly, but proclaims she "surpasses them all". Look for what your wife accomplishes and compliment her effort and success.
Never criticize, provide unsolicited critiques, condescending or cynical comments that don't build her confidence in what God is doing in her life.
We also honor our wives in deed when we are attentive to their needs for help around the house, providing guidance for our children, spending time alone with them, and provide them the time and freedom to express their gifts and talents. Her confidence and commitment to God's calling is increased as we support our wife in deed.
I Peter 3:7 In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered. (NLT) It is interesting that Peter warns that God's for his responsiveness to our prayer can even be affected if we are not responsive our wives needs.
Our children also watch how we love, honor and bless our wife, and will hold that close in their heart in their response to her and to their spouse some day.Our children also watch how we love, honor and bless our wife, and will hold that close in their heart in their response to her and to their spouse some day.
Our compliments and encouragement need to be specific and timely to be meaningful. It it may require us to even have a periodic reminder in our calendar to be more observant and express how she is a blessing to you, your family, and others that she impacts.
Phillipians 4:8 applies at home too... "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."
The compliments and encouragements have to be real. They must be heart felt, and they can’t be generic. Think of something specific that your wife does and that makes your life easier…
Treasure your wife!
Trust you wife!
Encourage your wife's calling!
Bless your wife with gratefulness and compliments!
So how are you as a husband, behaving like a Proverbs 31 man?
Why not ask your wife how she rates your marriage from 1-10, and when she gives feedback, ask her for 1 thing you can work on this month to make her rating higher.