We need to have an urgency to resolve anger in our life. Anger and bitterness can be a trap that keeps us from being able to express our love for God and others.
The first commandment is to love God and the second is to love others. That being said, the reality is that others in my life will often not meet my expectations, or worse, will hurt and abuse me without showing remorse. Those close to me can say and do very hurtful things that leave deep emotional scars. While I may not want to admit it, that pain causes me to resent others and when I am angry with others I am angry with God for allowing them to hurt me.
How can God who loves me allow this? Unfortunately God does not block sources of pain in my life. So what is God's purpose in allowing this? How should I respond to Him?
- Unresolved anger in my life spills out and damages the spirit of those in my family
- unresolved anger and lust are both expressions of unrestrained emotions, that focus on temporal satisfaction over supernatural purposes and eternal outcomes.
In a temporal mindset counsellors often express that anger can be managed through personal resolve. Anger management is like trying to try to control what is out of control.
Faith in who God is, starts with...
Accepting that God created me perfect for His purpose. My body, looks, talent, family, weaknesses, and mental and physical limitations are purposed by God for me to glorify Him and love others he puts in my life. II Corinthians 10:12, 17-18
Acknowledging God daily for His great character and goodness in His work.
We need to test our own spirit as to whether we express anger to others. Do others around you express concern that you show anger when your expectations or desires are not met? Those who live with us can often offer the best feedback on out spirit.
This is the spirit feeling like we are a entitled to have the cooperation, respect, obedience or acknowledgement of other. We experience fear that our aspirations, objectives or outcomes will not be accomplished, and react with any method we feel we can apply control to the situation. This may include intimidation through anger.
How do we address anger in our lives?
1. Recognize when it happens. Ask your spouse or children to have a code word or sign when you raise your voice in anger so that they can alert you to this behavior. Acts 8:23 - “For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.”
2. Evaluate what the cause of the anger was in each situation.
- You don't feel you are getting the respect from your spouse.
- Your spouse goes against your wishes in decisions they are making with money, time, etc.
- Your children do not cooperate when you are trying to get something done or when you are out.
- Other people steal opportunities, time, access or material goods that you feel you need.
3. Seek and meditate on scripture that speaks the feelings you having. Pray the scripture back to God and ask for His spirit to teach it to you. Colossians 3:8 - put off all anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communications.
4. Seek biblical counsel for how to deal with each situation. Phil 2:3-5 3 [Let] nothing [be done] through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus,
5. Discuss and walk through with a friend, spouse or child how you can respond to these situations in the future.
6. Be proactive and plan how you will respond in the future. I Cor 10:13 - No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.
- Write down verses in your phone to read when you find anger coming in situations.
- Plan how to escape situations
- if your child is disobedient at home, have a time out chair for them and explain to them that their behavior is making you sad, and that they need to spend time along for a few minutes to think about why their behavior makes others sad. If their behavior is defiant, look into when they need their hand slapped when touching dangerouse things or when spanking applies in addressing their self will. Read "The Strong Willed Child" to learn how to break their willful selfishness, but not their spirit. Your anger can break their spirit and bring resentment. Realize that discipline is not punishment, but discipline is spending the time with them to train them to understand situations and respond appropriately, and they will fail at times before learning this. More on effective Biblical discipline
- if your child is disobedient when you are out, perhaps one of the parents will need to take the child for a time-out in the car. If a child is challenging you, anger just escalates their emotions and they earn they can often control your emotions with their emotions. Have realistic expectations for the rest your children need, the anxieties they can have, and their understanding of needed behaviors in certain situations. Make sure to regularly talk about what good behavior looks like when they are out. Acknowledge their times of good behavior verbally too (not with regularly purchasing material goods as rewards, as this yields a spirit of entitlement)
- Talk to your spouse about situations that make you angry and how the two of you can de-escalate emotions in these types of situations.
Consider that if you believe God He loves you, has a purpose and will work through you for His Kingdom, then you can more easily humble yourself before others, since He will have his way in the end.
7. Take time to review how you are progressing with your responses, and how you can continue to further discipline your emotions.
Luke 9:54-56 And when His disciples James and John saw [this], they said, "Lord, do You want us to command fire to come down from heaven and consume them, just as Elijah did?" 55 But He turned and rebuked them, and said, "You do not know what manner of spirit you are of. 56 "For the Son of Man did not come to destroy men's lives but to save [them]." And they went to another village.