With the birth of my grandchildren, and several younger friends of ours recently having children, it has brought me to reflect on what I believe scripture teaches about fatherhood.
The Overwhelming Realization
When our first child was born, I realized that now I not only have the responsibility to be a good father to my new son, but I now have the capability to positively or negatively impact generations of people that follow me. Ex 20:5
This was very sobering, and the fact that a child's fundamental view of God is based on their relationship with their Father (Matt 7:11), and that my children will hear little of what I say, but will tend to emulate what I do.
I also realized that I was very ill equipped with knowledge of scripture and wisdom to carry out my role as a father, and would be on a life long quest to be able to teach and coach my children towards a life of wisdom, peace, fulfillment and a sense of significance. I have had to be very intentional to always be learning how to lead and encourage them.
So emulating Jesus Christ was a first step, and then based on my own parents experience, I also knew that I would have much greater influence on their lives through the Holy Spirit, who could teach their hearts. The key outcome my wife and I were looking for was for them to have a love for God, a love for others, and to know and understand truth and grace. (Phil 1:9-10) And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ,
My primary task was to immerse myself in knowing God my father, His character, His truth, and to help me trust Him and obey Him. Only through study of scripture and communing in prayer with God could I emulate Jesus Christ more and point them towards a life of hope, peace, love and joy. This meant making regular scheduled time throughout the week for time with God and by cutting out some extracurricular activities and TV to keep an intimate and growing relationship with Him.
Then as I grew closer to God and His Character, I would daily share scriptures and truth that impacted and were changing my life.
Growing up, I have often reference a list of Character Qualities that had good definitions and scripture references. I have captured this on the following Character Qualities page.
Some intentional ways to use this resources can be;
- Make sure that as scripture is read, that the stories are meant to demonstrate God's character and the character of those in the story. Note the character traits and the results they bring.
- When discussing plans for activities, consider how they can help us learn how to understand and live God's character qualities.
For your own benefit make sure you are learning to evaluate how you are applying the character qualities, and what you can do to improve how you demonstrate them.
- Memorize the definitions
- Memorize scriptures that demonstrate them
- Read stories on the lives of others who exemplified God's character, or learned new character traits.
- Work with your spouse to get their input on how you show them and can develop them.
The web site www.sermonstogrow.com has an audio sermon on Job 2 that talks about a great activity with your spouse, family or friend for improving your communication, and how using the Character Qualities list as a tool can help.
It was very important to me that my children learn to be attentive, to know my voice (Is 28:23) and the Word of God from me (Prov 4), and so I recorded 30 minute recordings reading the Psalms and Proverbs, and singing Bible choruses and hymns that taught scripture. From the time they were born until they were about 3 years old they listened to these every night when they went to bed. As they grew older we started to include other tapes of kids music that taught scripture and the Adventures in Odyssey story series from Focus on the Family that offered great kids stories that taught scripture principles. They listened to these every night until they got into high school, and heard affirming truth as they went to sleep.
I also sought be around as much as possible and do small things around the house with them which gave me a chance to listen to them, what was important to them, and how they were viewing God and those around themselves. With my wife home, she was also able to accessible and available to listen to them and be attentive to their needs. We also made vacations to be unhurried trips with a lot of downtime on the beach to relax, read and talk.
I believe that beyond the challenges of our natural life earth, a very active struggle occurs daily in the supernatural realm for the attention and souls of our children. As I humble myself to God's truth, I also called on God in prayer to provide physical, emotional and spiritual growth and protection over my wife and children. Praying for protection from Satan, from his angels, and from those carrying out his evil to distract us and destroy our faith in God is an active thing throughout the day as you observe the world around you. My wife and I also prayed for friends and teachers to come into their lives who would motivate them to seek God and His kingdom.
My second task was to surround my children with others of Godly character who would provide them with good role models of what loving God looks like.
This started with my wife, who would have the most influence on their development. And so I sought to love her, support her needs, encourage her, and share my walk in Jesus Christ with her. How she experienced my love and recognized the love of God, would provide her with the feeling of safety and security that would free her to focus on loving our children without fear and anxiety.
It was very important that my wife and I have regular time alone to talk about how we perceive our children are doing, and for us to continue to talk about how we will respond to situations with them and make sure we are thoughtful and unified in our actions, responses, teaching and discipline.
We also would involve ourselves in any activities that we thought would broaden the children's knowledge and experiences, and so they were soon involved in sports, musical instruments, choir, theater, club activities and church including Awana and youth groups. My wife worked in the children's school as a volunteer so as to know the staff, got to know the parents of their friends, and I assisted on their sports teams, youth group, camps and outreach events to both minister to those involved and to be aware of the character of those around them.
Parents of their friends, teachers, coaches, and small group leaders at church all influenced them through example and at times instruction.
By the time our kids reached junior high they had formulated much of what drove them in their physical, psychological and spiritual perspectives. From that point forward we made sure to start to give them room to begin to make decisions in their lives and make small mistakes under our protection. Relational, job, financial, and educational endeavors had many successes and some failures along the way. The key outcomes were that they grow in their dependency on God and his people.
As your children "leave the nest" you may also find that younger believers can also become spiritual children and you can mentor and disciple them in many of these same ways to help them become dependent on God and not their own wisdom and strength.
Consider what character quality God wants you to develop in your life each day to be confirmed to Him.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2
- A few books that were very helpful for us when our kids were very young were;
- Dare to Discipline by James Dobson - how to set clear boundaries, be in agreement with your spouse, and guide your children
- Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel - giving God's unconditional love while providing structure and guidance
- 5 Love Languages - Gary Chapman - realizing that each child recognizes love, relates and responds differently
Updated 8/2018