Tips for Parents

According to Surviving the College Search (2002), published by the National Association of Independent Schools, a parent should be:

A mentor. Help your child learn who he or she is and realize what he or she does well. Encourage your child to grow and to take advantage of opportunities. Work hard to maintain a balance between optimism and realism. Keep the lines of communication open. Listen more than you talk.
A counselor. Ask questions, gently challenge assumptions, and always put the emphasis on the child, not on the name and prestige of the college. Probing is very important. Who says it would be better to for to College A than College B? Assess several factors. Which is more important to your child: to enjoy the college experience or to be a student? Would he or she do better in a class or 30 or 300? Would a "gap year" experience be a good idea to explore, especially if maturity is a factor?
An honest information source. Even though the child should be in charge of the process, a college choice affects the whole family. Have a frank talk about expectations early on. Your student should know what you can afford, any reservations you have about prospective colleges' locations or religious affiliations, and even your perceptions about name-brand colleges.
A partner. You have your student's best interests at heart. Remember that you both want the same thing: a chance for your child to take advantage of what college has to offer, to grow, and to be happy. Keep in mind the words of Benjamin Mays, former president of Morehouse College,"It's not where you begin that's important, but where you end."

Things to Keep in Mind During the Application Process

Be proactive. Your School Counselor is highly knowledgeable about the admission process. She will help guide your family through the process. However, she will not earn your child's college acceptance. Just as teacher do not "give" grades because students earn their own marks, students' admission decisions will be a reflection of students' ability to research reasonable college options and commit 100% to the application process.
Seek reliable resources! Eliminate from your language, "I head that," "People say," "Colleges never." Seek reliable resources to answer questions and confirm or dispel rumors. Contact the Guidance Office, specific college and universities of interest, and other reliable resources. Much of the anxiety that families experience in this process results directly from listening to or contributing to a rumor mill that is frequently inaccurate.
Don't compare your son or daughter to anyone else who previously pursued the admission process. As you know, your son or daughter is unique. It is virtually impossible to compare you child to someone else in the hope of any reasonable projection of what will result with their applications. Even when you think you know the whole scenario surrounding another student's acceptance, deferral, or denial, you only know a fraction of the actual picture. Instead of expending energy on comparisons, focus on your child. Your time, energy, and love will translate into more successful results.
Start early, but not too early! In the first two years of high school, students should be acclimating to academics, pursuing extracurricular activities of interest, and seeking meaningful summer activities. Visit some colleges during family trips early in the high school career. However, the formal college research process begins in the junior year. Encourage your child to start early and dedicate time on a weekly basis to researching and visiting colleges.
Define your measure of success for the college admissions process. While some parents consider their child to be successful if he or she is admitted to a highly competitive institution, others believe that their child will be successful if he or she is happy with the college acceptances and are confident that they found a great college match.
Participate in the research process. Most people would not purchase a car based on photographs and limited text. Assist your child in researching college opportunities not only through guidebooks and the Web, but also with concentrated campus visits. Encourage your child to sit in on classes for a day, stay overnight on campus, and talk to as many students as possible. Even if a campus visit is not possible, it is day to pick up the phone, calls the Admission Office or academic departments of interest, and speak with faculty members and students. Both students and parents may call to cover more ground.
Be forthright about limitations for your child's college right from the start. Is the college's cost going to be an issue for the family? Discuss financial realities in advance of the application process, not after the admission letters are in hand.
Keep an open mind for yourself and your child. Because you are unaware of a college's name does not mean that it isn't a great fit for your child. Most families initiating the college search process for the first time have a limited view of what colleges exist. They can often list a few dozen names of universities. It is only natural for you to encounter many colleges unknown to you. By focusing on only recognizable names, you will surely miss out on a wealth of great colleges for your child.
Can a student be admitted to a "reach" college? Absolutely! Does it mean he or she should attend? Not necessarily. Unfortunately, our society is enamored with brands and ratings. Just because a student is admitted to a highly ranked university does not mean that he or she should attend. For some, a "reach" college may provide a more challenging atmosphere that what the student seeks. For others, a "reach" school may not provide the best fit and atmosphere for happiness. Remember that there are many successful people in this world who graduated from lesser-known colleges.
Try not to fixate on "First Choice" schools. There is no one perfect college for each student. By limiting themselves to a first choice school, students tend to reduce their college research process thereby failing to identify other wonderful options. There are over 2,500 four-year colleges and universities in this country alone; students will have dozens of wonderful options if they can identify the optimal college environment for them.
Help your student fight college-planning procrastination. Urge your student to create a personal timetable he or she can live with. Watch for signs of burnout, fear or rejection, or unreadiness. Ask School Counselors for assistance whenever you have questions.