What I wish my parents knew

Every child is different. If you have more than one, you already know this. Children learn differently and take in information differently. When you think about how you learned at school, it is different. You child will not learn, study or respond how you would have. Take some time to ask your child lots of questions about how they like to learn, how long do they need on a task, what order do they want to do the tasks in and what would they like to do for their break when the task is done.

One child may want to work for an hour on an English task, whereas another may want to do 15 minutes on Math, take a lap around the yard and then complete 15 minutes more on Math. Each child is different, they know how they like to learn.

We encourage parents to allow natural consequences and the school Responsible Thinking Process the avenue for supporting their child to learn from their mistakes. Punishment and rewards (bribery), lets name a 'reward' for what it is; if you do what I want you to do... I will give you this. Punishment and reward can work in the short term, but very soon you then start to get a fear reaction from your child. As the threat of losing their reward or receiving the punishment kicks in and FEAR takes over their brain. This can manifest in many different ways, denial/lying to get out of it, not owning up to their actions, crying, shutting down/non-engagement and tantrums are the end result of a punishment and reward system. It takes a very long time and a great deal of energy to support your child to get a place where their fear is low and they are ready to learn.

Allowing natural consequence, the Responsible Thinking Process and loving them through their mistake will eventually create produce results. You will start to see in the long term a child that can take ownership of their actions, process their mistakes fast and know that they are loved no matter their mistake. And, no tantrums. WIN!

Remember that your child is used to being in a classroom of 30 students; due to this they are very good at working independently and completing set tasks without having an adult sitting next to them (even preps can do this for shorter periods of time). There are very few situations where the teacher sits alongside one student all day and helps them with each task or question. We encourage you to set tasks for your child and then move away allowing them time to complete it.

Your child is already very skilled at putting their hand up, you may find that there are relevant times for your child to practice this skill at home. What is important is that you as a parent don’t feel overwhelmed by the need to one-on-one teach all day, and that your child does not get used to being one-on-one taught all day.

Remember your child will be back in the classroom soon, therefore skills such as waiting for the teacher to be available, moving on to a different task, turn taking, working independently and self-control need to be maintained.

There are different types of breaks that your child might refer to during the day in addition to morning tea and lunch.

Wiggle breaks - this is a short movement break. This can range from running a lap of the yard, an obstacle course, star jumps through to a praise and worship dance, stretching or even using an exercise ball as a chair.

Drink or snack breaks - lower primary are used to munch and crunch, but even in secondary it is not uncommon for students to ask to get a drink. This is not because they can't have their water bottle at their desk, but it is because they need to get the blood flowing into their bodies. Getting moving can be really helpful even if it simply means walking to the tap to fill up a glass of water.

Chill out - a chill out occurs usually when the student recognises that they are starting to feel frustrated and they need space to get their self-control back.

Some students will be able to pace themselves and their workload all day. This is especially true of senior students. If your student can tell you what their plan is and how they will achieve their goals trust them. Ask them when a good time for you to check in with them would be, and then leave them to study.

Remember your child might be on a roll, if you notice them working don't interrupt and enforce a break. They may need to work a little longer on a task before they take their break.

Some students may need a little more encouragement in smaller time periods throughout the day.

Many students benefit from having their day and tasks broken down into small goals. Smaller goals appear more achievable and increase the feeling of success and therefore motivation. A great way to start the session is to sit down with your child and ask them to plan out their morning. You can do this by looking at the timetable provided by their teachers.

For example:

Math 30 mins

Wiggle break and Munch and Crunch 5 mins

Silent reading 10 minutes

English 20 minutes

Morning Tea 30 minutes

Some students, especially in the lower year levels use NOW and THEN charts. You can be as creative as you like creating this tool.

NOW - 30 Min Math

and

THEN - wiggle break and munch and crunch

Freedom is something that we value as a fundamental part of life, yet we consistently take that freedom from our children. So how do we encourage responsible freedom with our children. The only way to be free is to have choices. We begin to teach our children by giving them choices in their life.

Give them a choice would you like A or B? I am sure you are about to say what if my child I want C. Now those are world changers, they are keepers. Then it is about would you like to decide or would you like me to decide?

Be sure to add choices in your planning of the day - Would you like to do Math or English first? Would you like to eat a carrot or an apple for munch and crunch? Would you like to do your school work before or after you get your room cleaned? Would you like the blue or green cup?

Asking your child questions like "What are you doing?" also gives them a sense of freedom as you are giving them a chance to share their side of what is happening. The RTC questions are there to help redirect a student to be focusing on what they need to be doing. They also allow a student to be able to pass on clear information as to what they are doing and why. We find that there are times when a student will answer this question and our response is great well done.

So using choices and asking questions will reduce the fear and stress in your interactions with your child and allow some great connections and learning.

Students love to listen to music while they work; yet it's effectiveness is hotly debated. If your student is asking to listen to music and this is something you permit consider music without words or white noise (such as a YouTube video of rain). Also consider how loud the music is playing in their ears. If you can hear it, it is too loud!

An even better option is using noise cancelling headphones. These can be purchased from Bunnings and do not play any noise, but rather reduce the noise being produced around a student.

Some students use fidget tools that they can hold in one hand (eg. slime) or have on their lap (eg. weighted blanket) to help them to concentrate. This is much like the adult who clicks or taps their pen during a meeting. Help your child to select fidget tools that do not make a noise and can be held in one hand freeing up their other hand to write.

Some students find fidget tools too distracting. For these students use the fidget tool as an option during their break time or chill out box.

Importance of snacks - crunchy food stimulates the senses and activates brains.

Snack ideas for kids

Check out the RTC Lounge for information about how to use Chill Outs effectively

It is true, sometimes it is the child in front of us not being fun...but other times it is us, the adult not being fun. Take a self inventory every so often and ask yourself 'am I being fun?' and is it 'everyone's kind of fun?'

Then check out the Parent Lounge and Parent Chill Out space.