The world is a crazy place and the current season we find ourselves in is sure showing this. It is currently school holidays and I am working from home as my normal babysitters (grandparents) are not able at this stage to look after the kids due to self-isolation. This is not a new thing for a great many parents working from home and some parents that have been getting their child/ren to work in the last week of term from home. This is very new to me and I thought I would share my experiences, struggles, wins and ideas for working from home and motivating children to work together as a part of a family and individuals.

Here I go, today started well I have a strong plan and thought this would be all good. I will just have to make sure I stick to the plan. Melody and I (Melody’s idea) sat down on Sunday and worked out a schedule for our five children to follow whilst I am working at home. In this plan it gives them plenty of play time both inside and outside, adding in a few age appropriate jobs to help out, social time to contact/talk with friends, screen time and God time. Next to the plan for the schedule of things to do was a list of what to eat at certain times of the day. Ranging from breakfast in the morning, fruit, snacks, lunch and dinner. Even breaking down what snacks meant, what they could have for breakfast and lunch. All of the options most of my children could get themselves, the youngest being 4yrs old would need help with certain lunch options.

Monday came and I was to be honest unsure as to how it would go. The start of the day was a fair bit distracting as we all got used to how this would work. The children generally did a great job following the schedule, occasionally I would need to follow up here and there. I was interrupted a few times for questions, a few sibling fights and the obvious what can I eat, food questions. As the day progressed the interruptions kept coming and I found that at different times I was either getting more and more grateful as keeping my own motivation was a challenge or I was getting upset as I was trying to concentrate.

Towards about 3:30pm there was another fight between mr almost 14 and miss 9 going on 16. Both had valid points of what had happened and their desired outcome. As I listened I initially got upset and was getting angry, as I was on a bit of a roll and did not want to lose it. Waiting for the yellow truck to come. Yet at that moment I stopped myself and asked the question, what is my goal here? What is really important here? As I walked out the back yard to discuss this with them I answered my questions. I had a plan. I then took both of them through the conversation on what was their goal in their interaction with their sibling, how they were feeling about the current interactions and what they wanted to achieve together. What an amazing opportunity for them to learn how to deal with conflict and disagreement yet to keep their goal of connection with each other and looking after the other’s heart. It did take some prompting questions and some challenges to get them there, but since this was not the first time a conversation like this had occurred in our household they really took it on board fairly fast. So I took that as a major win and for the rest of the day and night they played nicely even through the few conflicts that they had.

So overall my first day was somewhat successful, did not get as much work done as I thought I would but I was still working and was able to still be Dad.

What was it like to work from home. Well I am sitting here at 9:00pm writing this, thinking about the great times I had with the kids and really enjoyed the little connections throughout the day. But then looking at the work that I got done and it was not my normal level of output. I got some work completed. Yet tomorrow I am going to have to get more done. Was this just the kids distracting me or was this a part of me having to motivate myself as well. I have to admit there was definite time through out today that I really struggled to stay focused and motivated to get work done. I would distract myself as much as the kids did I think. As I navigate this working from home there are somethings that I am going to have improve on and some I need to remember that I did well today:

1. I am DAD first and worker second. Yes I need to get work done and my kids need to learn that too, that is all about learning good boundaries. But they need to know I am DAD first.

2. I am getting enough work done to justify me working - also what are my expectations of my work and is it realistic.

3. Modeling good work ethics and standards for my kids

4. My own self care – if I am stressed about the amount of work I have to get through and I am not getting anything done then I will start to feel very stressed and anxious about work.

5. To stick to appropriate work hours. Although working when they are in bed is kinda working right now. This is one I am working on.

What have learnt about this process? Well today I did not really get up and ready for work at a normal time or way. I think tomorrow I will wake up and get dressed into at least smart causal going out clothes, not because anyone will see me, but due to my mindset as to what I am doing. Then when the kids do interrupt I will be in a better mindset to work with them and then go back to administrative type work. I will also set a schedule for myself to work towards. Getting certain tasks done by lunch and then afternoon tea. I will sit with my kids for lunch and use lunch and other breaks to connect rather than the interruptions.

I am excited to see what tomorrow brings as I get better at this working from home. My kids will still distract me at times. But I would have it no other way. I really enjoy having my children around. I am blessed to work in an environment where my children are there no matter at home or work. So I am going to enjoy this time of navigating the complexities of working from home during this season.

I hope that you are enjoying your journey as well.

Today I decided I would start the blog in the morning and add to it during the day as things occur. It is day 2 of working from home. I slept in after getting woken up multiple times in the early morning from my 4yr old wanting someone to play with her. She eventually went back to sleep and here I am starting work at 8:30am. My eldest mr almost 14 is already trying to push the screen time boundaries as there is no one else awake. My response – ‘Nice try, what does the schedule say?’ Today the schedule will be a little off as the kids are still asleep so we may need to modify it a little today.

I did get up and get ready close to my normal day and got dressed straight away. I came and sat at the desk and have started straight away. This is a better feeling and I am more motivated today then I was yesterday. But should how I feel dictate to me how productive I can be. I am growing in my emotional intelligence so I need to make sure that it is a conscious decision to be productive rather than going on how motivated I am feeling. Let’s see how I go.

It is lunch time now and I have started to get my work done. I have still being interrupted quite a few times but I am getting into a swing of things a little better. I even had a zoom meeting and only had to get up once from the meeting. It has generally being a great experience, the kids did have a few more disagreements today. But as soon as I asked the question what is your goal? Or when I told them it was not fun. They soon changed the situation and worked it out. I did also use the Friendship 8 a few times when they would come to me and say so and so did this. Oh no what are you going to do? Then would go through the Friendship 8 with them. I am love how working through conflict at home with siblings is building resilience and positive conflict resolution skills.

It is the ‘end’ of the day, I have noticed since I am not working as efficiently I am working longer hours. I may not get as much done but I am still putting in the effort each day to get the work done. At least I still have enough work to keep me busy. Getting distracted is something that happens to me wherever I am, so I am working on this better today. I did well at getting some work done and being Dad first. I did not do so well at looking after myself. I did no exercise, did not eat all that well either. Put most of my energy into being Dad and work. Tomorrow I will do more exercise and take some time out for myself as well. I will even eat healthy, so that I can have the energy to keep going.

Definitely think I did a better job today then I did yesterday, at both working and being Dad first. The kids were happier at the end of the day. I was not but that is because I did not look after me. That was my own fault not the kids or works, just choices I made during the day. I am enjoying this working from home.

What is the difference between a Meltdown and a Tantrum?

• Tantrums are a conscious deliberate choice, they are a learnt behaviour for the individual to get their needs met.

• In a tantrum the physical movements are controlled and easily altered to achieve a desired outcome – i.e. aggression towards a specific individual.

• A tantrum can stop instantly at any time.

• Tantrums act as defiance.

• In a tantrum they may try to bargain.

• In a tantrum the individual has excellent recall of the episode with little or no physical exhaustion. Please note a tantrum can develop into a meltdown.

• Meltdowns are extreme emotional and/or behavioural responses to a stressful situation.

• They are always involuntary.

• Meltdowns come from prolonged exposure to sensory triggers or cognitive overload without a chance to get away from the overwhelming stimulation.

• Usually there will be signs of increasing frustration with accompanying anxiety that slowly starts to escalate if the situation is ignored.

• However some meltdowns (also known as Catastrophic reactions) are explosive immediate involuntary reactions to something having gone off script or not according to plan.

Some Causes of a Meltdown:

• Sensory overload

• Cognitive overload

• Being given too many choices at once

• Being forced to be in a prolonged stressful environment

• Being in a stressful setting or situations without any calming tools or chill out option

• Being given an unrealistic goals or tasks that exceeds capabilities or limitations.

What to do with a Meltdown?

To effectively deal with meltdowns you must be proactive and not reactive. Identifying the child’s anxiety and its cause is your starting point. Then try to calm the child as this will reduce the chances of a full-blown meltdown. Once the meltdown has started all you can do is make sure everyone is safe, reduce stimulation levels and if possible address the problem at hand. PLEASE never attempt to restrain a child during a meltdown once they are in a safe environment. They will only fight against your attempts and increase the intensity of self-aggression and aggression towards you! It is too late to stop the meltdown – simply let the meltdown take its course. These ideas have had varying degrees of success depending on the individual and if able to catch before going into full meltdown;

• being silly - i.e. doing a silly dance - makes them laugh changes the emotion for a little then can talk about it.

• reading a book that they like - sitting calmly and reading it to myself making a comment here and there

• asking a question about topic that individual is interested in

There are some great strategies that we use at school to educate your child to recognise when they are escalating in their emotions and take responsibility before triggering a melt down. One of our favourite moments is when a child brings themselves for a chill out before erupting. We see this even as young as prep age, once children know what you mean by fun/no fun or fun/room, they start to develop an internal reflective process that helps them to make this decision with minimal prompting from parents. Just the other day I was visiting a family who does not even attend Parklands but is a close friend and I noticed their daughter was missing from the room so I asked where she went and her parents simply explained 'she took herself too her room until she was ready to be fun'. Boom! That is a golden moment. When she returned we had a lot of fun.

Learn about different types of chill outs

Learn about emotional regulation tools

For some of us it's been a while since we were at school and things HAVE CHANGED.

Personally have made loads of mistakes and foolish decisions, but thankfully I have never made the same mistake twice! Why? I have learnt along the way that it is ok to consider the choices I had made and make different choices! When I was at school some of my friends didn't seem to have that "inner voice" to make a better choice and gave their parents lots of worry! Self-reflection is perhaps something that they hadn't grasped yet!

The whole Responsible Thinking Process is about self-reflection and taking ownership of the problem. It asks the question ‘how did your actions affect others students’ chance to learn, to play or to feel?’ When a child comes to the Responsible Thinking Classroom 9 times out of 10 the students know why they are there… They may not feel at that particular moment that they SHOULD be there but they know WHY they are there.

Our process is to get the child to write or draw an account of how they perceived the "incident". So right from the start of our process they are asked to consider how things occurred, then the golden part of our process, the students have the chance to consider how they could have behaved to get the result they were after or if their desired outcome was at all feasible. RTC is the place where the students are safe to say exactly what they were thinking or feeling and then learn how to manage those ideas or emotions. We love hearing stories from parents who have created safe space in their homes for child to answer the question "what happened at school today?" and “what is your plan for next time?”

When RTC phones home we encourage parents to listen to what the RTC facilitator is telling you about the incident or issue. You may get some valuable insight to issues you didn't even realise where happening for example, I have three children, they all have lots to tell me and they often talk over each other... so when their teacher spoke to me about two of them constantly calling out in class I realised that I allowed that behaviour at home! So when it dawned on me that I enabled this behaviour I set about ensuring that we all became better listeners and the issue is resolving, it may take a little time (and practice on my own part) but we are certainly improving!

So whether we are calling or emailing you with something that happened at school - first take a deep breath, relax, remember what it's like to be a child (professional mistake makers who need guidance) and how much there is for them to learn. Please use the information we give you to talk with your child, discuss the issue and you will be surprised how these opportunities become learning experiences for you all....

Hi Parklands - its Angela Jackman here, I worked onsite at Parklands until November 2014 when my husband and I took a year out to head over to spend quality time with his family in Ireland. We are still here!

I still do work for Parklands whilst you sleep, I do some of the home communication for the RTC team so that is why you may have received an email at 3am and wondered if the teachers ever sleep!

LOCK DOWN: Ireland has a national health system that is already under huge pressure so with the COVID 19 pandemic looming our Taoiseach (Prime Minister) Mr Leo Varadkar was faced with a hefty decision, did he jump early and put the country into lock down or wait and see how bad it gets?

He made a strong decision on Thursday 12^th March and put us into lock down. This means no schools (all schools, all colleges, all day care and kindergartens - all closed – no exceptions) no restaurants, no parties, no churches, no weddings, no funerals, no non essential businesses to open.

Only grocery stores are open with very strict entry policies monitored by security guards.

So here we are – thankfully compared to many we are very lucky! We have a large house with a few living rooms so we are able to find our own spaces! I have three teenagers 13, 14 & 16. The children’s school immediately set up email (we don’t have use of laptops in schools here – good old pen and paper!) and the children have adapted to working online easily.

I have kind of let a few things happen, firstly they are teenagers and love to sleep so I have been letting this happen! There is no rush! We have nowhere to go or to be so why not? I have drawn a line that 11am is late enough. By the time they drag themselves down the stairs it is nearly lunch time (grocery money saved by missing lunch – because you MUST have breakfast!). I am bossy – so I insist that from breakfast it is shower time and then school work time. They are all pretty compliant so I am lucky! School work is non-negotiable! They have now 3 extra weeks off school – this will be 5 weeks at least including Easter. So yes it is compulsory to get school work done.

I let them choose their place to work. I am working from home too so we all have to do our bit to find flexibility and comfort. The youngest is doing most of her school work lounging on her bed but it is getting done so I am being “cool”!

I am insisting that they have some outside time EVERY day! The dog has never had so many walks! But it is a mood changer and good for all… today we all went for a walk together but mostly they have all been having their own walk time with the dog, fresh air (believe me it is FRESH) and some alone time is important in this situation we are forced to endure. I am generally stopping my own work for a drink break with the kids. It is a tricky juggle but all employers have to be flexible, my kids are obviously too old for a baby sitter, we are in unchartered waters – no one can expect them to not have any interaction from 9-5.

It has been good for them to see me working at the computer, making calls all day and again into the evening to make up for time used to entertain/hang out with them during the day, it’s good to let them see me being conscientious…

Of course there is concern. My youngest is anxious! I have been on the receiving end of many generous cuddles, she said she is worried but I keep her calm by downplaying it and not having the news playing 24/7. She has been in hospital for chest infections so her fear is founded. She is fit and well and I keep reminding her of this in general conversation. I have even been playing some of her favourite online puzzle games with her each evening – our chill out time! It has been special. My eldest son used to be very anxious but is growing out of it – he is loving the lack of school L he is back playing the playstation L he had moved on from it; but he is also mowing his grandparents/neighbours lawns – its important life tries to have some normality. The middle lad has a thirst for knowledge, so I find that he just asks me question after question that I have no idea of the answer! My new google home has taken a lot of the pressure off me for scientific answers; it allows me be able to stop and be in the moment and get the answer, even if my hands are in the sink! God bless Google!

So that is about all I can tell you from Ireland. We are in this situation until at least the 20^th April….

I never wished time to move so fast but I do hope the next few weeks fly! Hopefully by putting us in lock down as fast as he did Mr Varadkar may have saved many lives.

Stay safe and be kind!

I was fortunate enough to be given a set of the Danny Silk, Loving our Kids on purpose DVD series. It has taken me, ashamed as I am to admit, several months to unwrap this gift.

I think that I do parenting quite well. My kids can hold it together in public and are good kids but I do find myself repeating and shouting too much!

Danny Silk is on the senior management team at the Bethel Church in Redding California and Jesus Culture in Sacramento. I started to watch this DVD and with some hesitation - "I don't really feel like it, I am busy, I don't have time” were all the words flying around in my head.

Wow! What a journey I have been on in the last 90 minutes. Danny discusses the parenting style of many of us. We are influenced by our own parents; when we hit a resistance from our kids we reach into our parenting "bag of tricks" and often pull out our own parents. Have you heard yourself? Oh my!! My mother's words HAVE come out of my mouth!

But before you start scolding yourself think of this - before we had our own filters, our own ability to think, we learned how to parent by the way our parents parented us! Some used the "wooden spoon" threat to get their point across, others used it to "break our determination".

Fear based parenting is basically saying - I will hurt you until you yield control to me. Where does this end? What does this type of parenting and attitude promote?

Our thought processes as a child in this type of parenting style becomes “who is going to punish me if I do this?"

Parenting in this fear filled style can ultimately mean that freedom is granted (albeit reluctantly) to the angry teenager.

Getting children to think for themselves and think "how is that going to work out if I do....” is a far nicer way to get children to self-govern. It's a much less angry way to parent our beautiful children.

Danny's journey of parenting was realising that it was not his job to CONTROL his children but rather his job as a parent was to teach his children to CONTROL THEMSELVES and to manage themselves no matter what is going on around them.

Danny Silk looks seriously at the relationship of fear/love and freedom/control. Working with the REAL heart to heart relationship that we have with our children.

It might be time to consider revising your parenting skills with one of Danny's DVDs or the LOKOP (Loving our Kids on Purpose) courses that we facilitate at Parklands. If you have already been to a course - well done! Keep working on loving those kids and check out the resources in student services to help you on your journey!!

Stress- free study? Who ever heard of such a thing!? Actually I cringed when I first heard I had to write this article. Then I had a realisation that I actually think I do this quite well! From the start of their school lives my children's homework is done as soon as we get in from school - a quick drink, a snack and then they sit at the table (kitchen table when in Primary and desk in their bedrooms from high school). Once homework is done, they change out of their uniforms and put relaxing clothes on.

So why did I cringe? I guess it is the awful thought of having to FORCE a child to sit at a desk and study for hours and hours. So let's look at this from a few different perspectives. I have 3 children. All incredibly different people and for this exercise we'll call them "the Struggler" "the All- rounder" and "the Smarty". So let's talk about the approaches I take because in my house there is no "one size fits all" strategy!

“The Struggler” started high school. I was thrilled by his determination and yet sceptical of his ability. It was a new high school - so a new start and a fresh slate. The first lot of exams were shortly before the Parent Teacher interviews. I had very little input into “the Struggler's” preparation as he is determined and won't listen. So I left him to make all the usual mistakes. He failed a few subjects and did remarkably well in others. Parent Teacher interview insisted on remedial help for English which “the Struggler” saw as a huge fail (I had to talk him around from the way he felt). BUT this is where he finally listened to some of my advice. I took away his disappointment by analysing his marks, we planned for 10 points more in each subject- that was our goal for the school year. I suggested that from now on that he spend the last 10 minutes of each day looking through one subject's text book and review what he has done this far into the school year. No phones and no technology. Just text books. I noticed that he now does this and he says he likes reviewing what he knows. He is definitely not a sit at a desk studier. But He will lay in bed and review what he has done. From this, I noticed he started to jot things down of his own accord. The final year exams crept up on us in May (Northern hemisphere school) “The Struggler” blitzed all his subjects! Huge improvements of up to 30% in his worst subject!

I can now see that my goals for him were realistic! What an achievement! Our goals for this next school year will be 10 marks more.

The "All-rounder" is fairly self- governing. She has a good conscience and readily gets her homework done. My job with the "all- rounder" is to ensure she doesn't bite off more that she can chew. Making sure she keeps project to a manageable level, thus preventing failures from being too ambitious. We don't build the Taj Mahal just small scale models J. The "all- rounder" needs a quick check every half hour (she is 10) to ensure she IS on track (not playing with her horses). I keep her homework and study time "easy breezy" and I stop her after an hour. We read over things together right at bedtime her retention seems to work well with this process.

"Smarty" finished Primary school in the top 2% of the country. I still am baffled by this as tripping over his shoe laces, spilling his drink, ripping the packet of sugar from top to bottom are all his specialities! But his mental state is constantly thinking about something he has read. My main focus with him is to get the social aspects of his life/school balance. He would read all day if I allowed. Punishment is NOT being allowed to read! J So I need to also call time on his Year 7 study time. Sometimes I have to really remind him to "do the easy work first" - I find that this is great for the others too, get the easy work done first. It's great to see the completed work pile grow quickly and it gives confidence to tackle the tricky work. Also if the easy work is done and the difficult work is still too tricky, that work needs to be highlighted to the teacher so that further clarification can be given.

With homework and study 3 x 20 to 30 minute sessions with a quick drink or loo break is acceptable. Long sessions of dragged out study wouldn't allow for good retention in most cases. Good luck and keep expectations reasonable and achievable!

Just the title of this sounds pretty scary, right?! Yes there is a lot of fun involved with extra time spent with the family, but lots of challenges too! Especially for me as I go from an outdoors kind of person to a forced to be in doors person – let’s just say, the house has never been so clean!

But where to start? Just as with many of you, my Husband and my working lives have changed. Where once my husband was in full time work and I was part time and spending my other days with our 3 year old, Bowie, things have now been turned on their head. My husband was stepped down from his job until the industry picks up again (he is in travel) and I have taken on more hours at work where I can, to help balance his lost income. My husband and I have been on an eye opening journey as he now gets to spend the day watching Peppa Pig and having tea parties, while I do the 9-5 go in to work thing. I will never forget the joy as I walked through the door after the first week of our role reversal and I was surprised to see how tired my Husband looked - ‘It’s hard work looking after a 3 year old, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘Really’? I said sarcastically! Of course taking on more work is also exhausting and I am truly missing my extra days playing with Bowie and watching her grow. But overall we both have had the opportunity to get a look into one another’s worlds and appreciate what the other does – and misses out on.

As for entertaining a 3 year old during this time?! Picnics on the lawn are a must, as well as craft, cooking and gardening, which we are all no doubt getting in to. But best of all I am enjoying leaving Bowie to her own devices – I don’t have to entertain her all the time, and it is so wonderful to watch her role play with her toys. And plenty of Peppa Pig of course! These are tough times after all, and sometimes just a movie and a cuddle on the couch is what you all need.

It sounds obvious and straight forward, but something I have come to understand whilst working in the Student Care and Well-being team is that children and teenagers are not adults. They do not think, look or behave like we do and this is because they are not as developed as adults physically, emotionally and psychologically. In fact, a younger person’s brain structure and development is completely different to that of an adult.

Through neuropsychology, we have been able to see that a young person’s brain is organized completely different to an adult’s and it is not fully developed until around the age of 25. A younger person has not fully developed the part of their brain that is responsible for planning, focusing, assessing risk, problem solving, decision making and also the part of the brain that is responsible for regulating emotions and communication. It makes sense doesn’t it? The reason why you receive a grunt from your teenager or why your child sometimes struggles to focus in class or the reason you find yourself thinking, “We have had this conversation so many times! Why aren’t they listening and doing as I have asked?”

I think this knowledge can help us to respond in a way that is more patient and gracious when we know that younger people do not have the minds we do and that depending on the stage of their development, they may not be able to even comprehend some of the things we expect them to do.

Each age group has different behaviours that they demonstrate and I thought it might be helpful to share a few age appropriate behaviours that I have observed from working at Parklands in the Student Care and Well-being team.

Ages 5-6

· May choose to divert from rules/ be “flexible” with them (at least for themselves).

· May begin to use words and actions to hurt or upset others.

· May be moodier, more sensitive and tired when attending school.

· May be anxious when separating from you.

· May become aware of “potty humour” or swearing

· May tantrum and test boundaries

Ages 7-8

· Can tend to be over-dramatic and often highly sensitive.

· May experience “friendship” related issues and struggle to resolve conflict.

· May become frustrated or angry when upset. May respond physically and hurt others.

· Are more aware that people are watching them

Ages 9-10

· Will share secrets with friends.

· May begin to value friend’s opinions higher than teachers or parents.

· May begin to argue and fight for independence

· Puberty commences and they will experience physical and emotional changes.

Ages 11-12

· May begin to argue, justify and provide explanations for behaviour.

· May seek to find loop holes in the rules.

· You may observe less tantrum-like behaviours which are replaced with negotiation

· May begin to value promises made to them.

Ages 12-15

· May become more argumentative and push boundaries.

· Desire independence/freedom but may not know how to handle the freedoms that are given to them ie. Using technology responsibly

· Concern for what peers think of them; identity.

· May become more emotionally distant from you

· Tend to be unorganised both in practically and in their thinking

· Sleep, sleep and more sleep

Ages 16-17

· May become more interested in romantic relationships.

· Males start to increase engagement in talking/thinking about their future ie. jobs

· Females may become anxious as they consider progressing away from the safe school environment