Grief, Suffering, Trauma & Risk
While other worldviews lead us to sit in the midst of life’s joys, foreseeing the coming sorrows, Christianity empowers its people to sit in the midst of this world’s sorrows, tasting the coming joy. -Tim Keller
Grief & Loss
Even if you love your life on the field, you will not be given a pass on loss and grief. While everyone experiences loss on the field, not many have a manual on how to handle the loss you inevitably will experience. Until now.
In this workshop you answer three key questions to handling the loss you encounter:
Where to look for hidden loss that might be tripping you up.
3 key “need to know about loss”
How to heal from loss.
The One Thing No One Ever Says About Grieving | Katherine Schafler
(And a 4 step plan to move through your grief)
Another way to say that you are grieving is that a part of you is stuck in a moment in time. Sometimes the cause of the stuckness isn’t the grief itself, but the fact that you don’t even recognize that you’ve lost something and that you need to grieve. Grief is a word that is used interchangeably with bereavement, but grief is not exclusively about the physical death of a person.
Grief doesn't fit in a box, either. Some forms of grief take years to work through, other types take a few solid months, some take a single moment of deep acknowledgement. READ MORE
Grieving from a Literal Distance
Certainly grieving over the death of a loved one at anytime and in anyplace is difficult even as it is absolutely normal and expected. Grieving often produces a wide range of feelings. There are the familiar stages of grief which everyone in their unique time and manner experience; shock, anger, bargaining, denial, acceptance, adjustment, and growth. Yet when one finds themselves physically away, perhaps living in another culture, from immediate family, relatives, closest friends and faith community, grieving can be an even greater challenge. KEEP READING
Joining Others on their Grieving Journey | Jan Amerman
Romans 12:15 instructs us to “mourn with those who mourn.” How do we do this? Our Western culture does not allow much opportunity for the expression of grief. In the case of the death of a loved one, an employer might allow two to three days of bereavement leave. Once the funeral has taken place, there is an expectation that the grieving person will return to work and that life will return to normal. READ MORE
Stifled Grief: How the West has it Wrong | Michelle E. Steinke
Western society has created a neat little “grief box” where we place the grieving and wait for them to emerge fixed and whole again. The grief box is small and compact, and it comes full of expectations like that range from time frames to physical appearance. Everyone who has been pushed into the grief box understands it’s confining limitations, but all of our collective voices together can’t seem to change the intense indignation of a society too emotionally stifled to speak the truth. READ MORE
Accumulated Grief, Loss, Injustice, & Stress | Elisabeth Marie
What I would like to address is the concept of accumulated grief/loss, accrued injustice, and cumulative stress, as every servant experiences those realities when overseas. In many countries, the local community often minimizes these experiences because they are so commonplace. For example, we were robbed (mild to traumatic) ten times in Africa; at least seventy percent of our friends were also robbed multiple times. We came to minimize (and not properly grieve) the loss from each robbery—consequently, we let the loss build. READ MORE
What Missionaries Ought to Know about Grief | Ronald Koteskey
The dictionary defines grief as the “intense emotional suffering caused by loss of any kind.” Missionaries experience many losses that other people do not, so those people do not understand. There is no funeral or other ritual to assist in grieving over these losses. Missionaries may offer true, but over-spiritualized, platitudes in denial of the losses they experience. When people are dying and losing everything, we do not question their denial, anger, or depression before they come to accept their loss. Regarding losses other than death, missionaries may carry a load of unexpressed, unresolved grief. READ MORE
What Do We Say to Grieving People? | Nancy Guthrie
Because my husband David and I have gone through the death of two of our children, and we do a lot of speaking and interacting with grieving people, oftentimes people ask us, “What do I say to someone who has just lost someone, or what do I do?” None of us wants to be that person who says the really stupid thing, or the really insensitive thing.
The first thing I would say to someone when you’re trying to figure out what to do in regard to someone who’s going through grief is, “Say something.” Let’s face it, it’s awkward sometimes to know exactly what to say, and we have the sense in which we want to say something that’s meaningful, maybe even memorable, compassionate. But the truth is, when you’re going through grief, you don’t need people to say something that’s any of those things. You just really want a sense that they’re with you in it, that they want to be with you in it. People in grief want to know that others are, in a sense, carrying some of the sorrow that they are experiencing — just by the fact that others express that they care. KEEP READING
All change (good and hard) leads to loss, all loss deserves to be grieved. Healing comes when we invite Jesus in and find new ways of having our needs met.
Use this tool to draw out the impact of a particular loss.
1) Name the event/ loss
2) Identify the various impacts it has had on you: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and relationally
3) Bring these impacts before the Lord ( you can use the process of Lament to do this)
Grief is not neat and tidy like this diagram, but knowing what is normal to experience can be a comfort in a time of pain and loss.
Though we celebrate a loved one's home going, we grieve the loss of her presence with us. We also may be grieving the troubles we see in the world and the many losses we have experienced due to Covid. We also carry personal losses that are just a part of living life in a fallen world. You do not have to walk alone.
Sometimes we just need someone to talk with. If you would like to talk with someone, please do not hesitate to reach out to our Care Team. We can help or we will help you connect with someone who can.
Suffering
Sovereignty, Suffering, and the Work of Missions | Steve Saint
I don’t know why I am identified with suffering. I guess it is because suffering, like camping and wealth, is relative. No doubt when people hear my life story, they imagine themselves in my position and think, “Wow, he has really suffered.” They can picture themselves in my suffering much more easily than they can understand the incredible blessings and benefits that those painful chapters in my life have provided me.
Suffering, like many other events in life, is relative.
The Cross and Suffering | David Platt
David Platt deals with the ever-present reality of suffering from the standpoint of the cross. This study offers a biblical theology of suffering, covering 75 key texts from Genesis to Revelation. The problem of evil and the reality of pain are faced head-on. Whether it’s a doctor’s diagnosis, persecution from the government, or a personal struggle with loneliness and depression, followers of Christ can rely on the sovereignty and goodness of God. The hope of the gospel sustains us through every form of suffering.
God's Goodness in Your Pain | John Piper, David Platt, and Matt Chandler
So long as this broken world endures, suffering will remain a painfully relevant subject. It's not far from any of us. As Christians we know we're supposed to lean on God, but what kind of God is he? In light of all the heartache and sadness that plague our lives, is he really worth our trust?
Watch the full nine-minute video to hear about the Platts' struggle with infertility, when Piper's mom died, a 10,000-year perspective, and more.
Toward a Biblical Theology of Suffering | Ken Williams, Ph.D
Suffering is God’s plan for us. In western cultures suffering is seen as very bad, to be avoided at all costs, and sometimes even an indication that something is very wrong. It is considered abnormal. Unfortunately, most western Christian cultures hold an inadequate theology of suffer ing also. As cross cultural workers in Christian ministry we must move beyond the myths we have received from our culture, and develop a solid biblical view. God’s view is absolutely essential to be able to handle suffering well. READ MORE
Why Missionaries Need a Theology of Suffering | Sarita Hartz
How do we deal with the fact that suffering is unavoidable in our calling, and even chosen, that we willingly walk into the dark, into the face of unimaginable things because of love? We’re called to weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn. How do we take care of our hearts in the face of all that? I hear you. I’ve been there. I grapple with these questions all the time as I try to forge a new way in he member care world. READ MORE
Doing Missions when Dying is Gain | John Piper
The price of God’s global mission is suffering, and the volatility in the world today against the church is not decreasing. It is increasing, especially among the groups that need the gospel. There is no such thing as a “closed country.” That notion has no root or warrant in the Bible, and it would have been unintelligible to the apostle Paul who laid down his life in every city he visited.
I remember one Sunday when our church was focusing on the suffering church, and many across the nation were involved. We saw videos or heard stories about places like Sudan where the Muslim regime was systematically ostracizing, positioning, and starving Christians so that there were about give hundred martyrs a day in Sudan. In light of this, I got very tired of candidates for staff positions in our inner city church asking, “Will our children be safe?” I’ve grown tired of such American priorities infecting the mission of the church. Whoever said that your children will be safe in the call of God? KEEP READING
RECOMMENDED READING
Experiencing Grief by H. Norman Wright
How Long, O Lord by D.A. Carson
The Problem of Pain by C.S. Lewis
Walking with God through Pain and Suffering by Tim Keller
Power through Weakness by Timothy Savage
The Bruised Reed by Richard Sibbes
Understanding Christian Mission: Participation in Suffering and Glory by Scott Sunquist
Trauma
The Sanitized Stories We Tell | Sarah Bessey
“Sarah. Have you ever dealt with the trauma of your son’s birth?” And just like that, I couldn’t breathe.
I started to cry. I hadn’t even said it out loud and she knew somehow exactly what these dreams were about: they were about my birth experience with our son.
At the time, it had been six years since I had an unattended, unintended free birth. That basically means that I went into labour, the baby came too quickly, and we were left in our building’s parking garage having a big baby by ourselves. It’s a story I have told a million times, usually for a laugh. I use it as an ice-breaking anecdote at women’s retreats, I wrote about it on my blog, I use it as a sermon illustration when I preach at Christmas: I have all my jokes down pat. KEEP READING
Are you looking for resources to come alongside people who are suffering as they serve God? This book brings together theological perspectives; personal stories; and spiritual, psychological, community, and medical resources. It is research-based and at the same time practical. This is a handbook for church and mission leaders, peer supporters, counselors, those in personnel and member care roles, as well as those who suffer. It is also an excellent resource for training courses about the topic.
Trauma is a fact of life. Veterans and their families deal with the painful aftermath of combat; one in five Americans has been molested; one in four grew up with alcoholics; one in three couples have engaged in physical violence. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s foremost experts on trauma, has spent over three decades working with survivors. In The Body Keeps the Score, he uses recent scientific advances to show how trauma literally reshapes both body and brain, compromising sufferers’ capacities for pleasure, engagement, self-control, and trust.
Ways to Cope After a Trauma
There is no one right way to cope. Each person has unique strengths and vulnerabilities. The key is to come up with a plan that will give God room to bring healing to your wound. KEEP READING
Trauma Care in Galatians 6 | Allender Center Podcasts
On this week’s podcast, Dan begins a new series, based on Galatians 6, about trauma care and the effect that it has on you, the person engaging the trauma. For the next three weeks, Dan will address how to help restore those who are struggling with the effects of their own sin, how to help carry those affected by the sins of others, and how to own your own life in the process of helping other people. He begins by recounting a recent conversation with a pastor friend who listened to the Trauma and the Church series and had questions about how Scripture addresses trauma. LISTEN HERE
The Wounded Heart | Dan B. Allender
Sexual abuse knows no religious or social boundaries. Acclaimed, groundbreaking, and as essential as when it was first published, The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse is an intensely personal and specific look at this form of abuse. Dr. Dan Allender explores the secret lament of the soul damaged by sexual abuse and lays hold of the hope buried there by the One whose unstained image we all bear. Using compelling narrative, rigorous psychological study, and a bold faith in the goodness of God, The Wounded Heart and its companion workbook offer a rich, defiant call to believe that the trauma of abuse does not have to be the end of the story.
The PTSD Workbook | Williams and Poijula
Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms. Psychologists and trauma experts Mary Beth Williams and Soili Poijula outline techniques and interventions used by PTSD experts from around the world to conquer distressing trauma-related symptoms. In this fully revised and updated workbook, you’ll learn how to move past the trauma you’ve experienced and manage symptoms such as insomnia, anxiety, and flashbacks. This book is designed to give you the emotional resilience you need to get your life back together after a traumatic event.
International Assault Resources
Americans Overseas Domestic Violence Crisis Center and the Sexual Assault Support & Help for Americans Abroad Program - International Toll-Free 866-USWOMEN
International Sexual Assault Resources by the RAIN Network (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) - call 1-800-656-HOPE
International Organization Resources by National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Call: 1-800-799-7233, TTY 1-800-787-3224
Risk
Risk Aversion and God's Mission | Leroy Barber
Safety has become one of the major gods of our time. Everyone is familiar with the philosophy of "Safety first!" and we do everything we possibly can to keep safety the priority. It has even become one of the major drivers (if not sometimes the main one) in our decision-making processes. There is big business in selling the many products that promise us safety. A person now needs a home alarm system, car alarms, a cell phone and insurance on everything, all to "protect" ourselves.
The internal message lurking behind the overt message of safety is fear. KEEP READING
Facing Danger guides cross-cultural workers through a biblical discussion on risk, providing a spiritual and practical framework for working through cross-cultural risk assessment and management.
