It made sense. Being on furlough after two years of transition felt like ministry had come to a screeching halt. I guess that’s the point. But by the end of the summer, instead of feeling rested and refreshed, I found myself in a dark place. I felt stuck, unchangeable, and in need of something, or someone, to act upon me (and within me!) to help me get unstuck.

“How did I get here, I cried?” I needed a Rescuer.

Then, in one 45 minute session, the counselor put his finger on it. He advised me to take a 2-3 day personal retreat to get alone with Jesus. He gave me a written guide to work through. I did my homework and carved out 3 days before the CMM Staff Conference.

In short, the retreat was just what the doctor ordered. Some of my “takeaways” surprised me but most of them were basic and simple. I hope they will be of some encouragement to you.

• Surprise, surprise, ministry is hard. Don’t be caught off guard when the road gets tough. Leaders will let you down. You might be overlooked. Teammates will have bad days too. “Curve balls” will come. Policies will change. Etc. etc. You can wake up one day and find yourself disillusioned, unless you’ve prepared for the test. Peter said it this way: “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.” 1 Peter 4:12-13

• Suffering is part of the journey for those who follow Jesus. I spent some time thinking upon these verses:

  1. “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25

  2. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

  3. “You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” 2 Timothy 2:3

The Lord brought to mind some stories of biblical characters who suffered: Moses, the entire nation of Israel in bondage, Joseph, Job, Daniel, and Jesus’ disciples. Then I read Isaiah 53 and 54 and it helped me to see that not the least of the suffering servants was Jesus. After all, He was described as a “man of sorrows” and “acquainted with grief”!

Then, while on the retreat, I took a long walk and came across the Stations of the Cross. As a boy attending Catholic school, I rehearsed these stations on a regular basis. But I had forgotten some of the specifics of Jesus’ sufferings. I sensed the Lord was saying, “Matt, did you really think you would be above your Master and escape a life of pain and suffering?”

• What? I can enjoy suffering? It dawned on me. It isn’t just that I’m supposed to expect suffering as I follow Christ, or even just to muster up the courage to embrace my cross daily. Jesus is inviting me, by faith, to enjoy suffering! How can this be? Because suffering, when it comes, can usher me into a more intimate relationship with Him.

  • Paul got it. “That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sufferings, being conformed to His death.” Philippians 3:10

  • James got it. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2-4

  • Peter got it. “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in His steps.” 1 Peter 2:21

• God loves me. And He is sovereign. Really. Past ministry wounds and present day challenges aren’t evidence that God doesn’t care about me. They are evidence of the opposite. He does care! They are tailor made opportunities to identify with His Son and to “fill up what is lacking” in His afflictions (Colossians 1:24). Plus, God wants to use these hard circumstances to mold me on the Potter’s wheel and to prune me with His shears. Sadly, in many of these past circumstances, I shunned the wheel and resented the shears. By internalizing the hurt, depression and despair formed in my heart. By blaming others, bitterness crept in. In an instant though, Jesus broke through the inertia! By viewing each ministry wound of the past through the two lenses of God’s love and God’s sovereignty, they came into proper focus.

• Forgiving and being forgiven: Remembering how much I had been forgiven by Christ and people I have offended allowed the grace of God to flow into my heart and overflow towards those who have hurt me in the past. I saw there were some individuals against whom I was still holding a grudge. I’ve sought out these individuals and requested forgiveness, received forgiveness, and extended forgiveness. And it felt good. Praise Him!

We’re back in Dubai with our team. Together, we get to do life and serve the Lord in a global crossroads city. I’m thankful for a renewed vision that resulted from the advice to get away and get alone with Jesus. Being in His presence did what no furlough could do. “Better is one day in your courts, than a thousand elsewhere.” Psalm 84:10