“Didn’t you ask for scrambled eggs?”

The pancakes sitting in front of him were beginning to get cold. As he looked up, dazed and confused, he became familiar with his surroundings: the red booths, the neon signs, the black and white tiled floor.

“Do you want me to call the waitress? We can switch it out for you Thomas,” said the tall man sitting across from him.

“No, it’s fine Dad. I like pancakes too,” he said with a forced smile.

He didn’t intend to say anything, but those words slipped out naturally, against his will. He tried reaching for his phone but instead began eating the pancakes.

“What’s happening?” he thought.

“Are you excited for today?”

“I guess… I just wish Mom was here too. We never eat here unless we’re all together.”

A million questions raced through his head. Every time he tried making a movement of his own or even tried speaking, his body would fight it, keeping him restrained to that moment.

Suddenly, bits and pieces of his memories began reappearing. As Thomas started to recognize where and when he was, a feeling of dread engulfed him. He wanted to run away, to scream, but nothing happened. All he could do was sit and watch, his free will stripped away from him.

“Well, she’s not here so we just have to deal with it,” said Thomas’s father as he slammed his hands onto the table, his tone escalating as his face began to redden with anger.

Silence filled the diner as everyone’s face turned to their booth. Water began to obstruct Thomas’s vision as a single tear fell down his face. He began to fill with emotions like water pouring into a glass. He felt sadness, embarrassment, but above all, he felt anger.

“It should’ve been you.”

Thomas could feel the regret building up inside of him, but there was nothing he could do.

The car ride home was the worst part. Tension and awkward silence surrounded them. Thomas involuntarily gazed out the window, finally accepting that he has no control over what happens next.

“So how’s school going?” asked his dad, breaking the silence.

Thomas continued to stare out the window.

“Say something. Please say something!”

Silence.

Thomas began to struggle more and more in his mind. He wanted to stop the car and give his dad a hug. He wanted to apologize. There were a million things Thomas wanted to do but was physically unable to.

“How’s that girlfriend of yours? What’s her name again? Jessica?” he continued to ask, hoping for some response, even a shoulder shrug would be enough to satisfy him.

“Really Dad?! Are you joking? We broke up over a year ago,” he said irritably. Thomas shifted himself to face the driver’s seat, looked at his father, and said, “Mom would’ve remembered that.”

“SHUT UP! STOP TALKING!”

The look of agony filled his dad’s eyes. In the heat of the moment, Thomas couldn’t stop, or more so, didn’t want to stop. He wanted to emotionally hurt his dad, break his very spirit. He wanted his dad to feel the pain he has been burdened with since the passing of his mother.

“I’m sorry Thomas, I know I’m not her but I’m trying.”

“Just stop, Dad. I don’t want to talk anymore, pull the car over.”

“No, Thomas we have to talk about this. I had no idea you’ve been feeling this way.”

“HOW COULD YOU KNOW? YOU NEVER ASK! NOW PULL OVER AND LET ME OUT.”

Thomas tried resisting himself, but he had to. In the blink of an eye, his arms reached over to the wheel and jerked it to the left, directly into oncoming traffic. Suddenly, everything became submerged in darkness.

…

“Didn’t you ask for scrambled eggs?”

Thomas’s vision reappeared to reveal his father and a stack of pancakes sitting in front of him. He couldn’t comprehend what was happening.

“Let me out! I need to get out of here.”

“Do you want me to call the waitress? We can switch it out for you Thomas,” said his father.

Thomas wanted to cry but was unable to, for he was trapped, forced to live his most painful memory over and over again for all of eternity.