Jokes

1. Tom needs some legal advice and so he walks into a lawyers office. As they sit down Tom remembers to ask the lawyer about the cost

“How much do you charge for advice?” Tom asks.

“One hundred and fifty dollars for three questions.” responds the lawyer.

Shocked, Tom asks, “Isn’t that expensive?”

“Yes,” replies the lawyer, “What is your third question?”

2. A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the £200 hidden in my shoe!"

3. Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire?

Sure. Here you are.

Thanks - but half the pages are missing.

What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you?

4. Q- Why did the boy eat his cash?

A- because it was his dinner money !

5. A businessman walked into a London bank and asked for the loan officer. He said he was going to America on business for two weeks and needed to borrow £5,000. The loan officer said the bank would need some security for such a loan.

The business man then handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce that was parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checked out and the loan officer accepted the car as collateral for the loan. An employee then drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.

Two weeks later the businessman returned, repaid the £5,000 and the interest which came to £15.41.

The loan officer said, "We do appreciate your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a bit puzzled. While you were away we checked and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow £5,000?"

The business man replied: "Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for fifteen pounds?"

6. A couple were having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here".

7. An English teacher asked her class to write an essay on what they would do if they had a million dollars.

Larry handed in a blank sheet of paper.

"Larry!" yelled the teacher, "you've done absolutely nothing. Why?"

"Because if I had a million dollars, that's exactly what I would do!"

8. Patient - "Doctor, I feel like a five pound note"

Doctor - "Go shopping, the change will do you good."

9. Why is it no use robbing a bank?

Because its full of coppers!

10. A Woman say`s to her husband "If you had a big win on the Lottery,would you still love me?"..........His reply was "Of course I would ,But I will certainly miss you"