Diversity and standards

We received an invitation in the post one Monday morn’, to attend our cousin’s wedding in the town where we were born.

The do was back in Kerry, so wishing to be frugal, we trawled the net to find some decent travel deals on Google.

Cheap flights, cheap flights, cheap as they can be. Bedad we found an airline selling flights for 50p.

Well we clicked on to the website and were mightily surprised, to find the actual cost wasn’t quite as advertisied.

We’d forgotten airport taxes had also to be billed, but a bargain is a bargain and begorrah we were thrilled.

Cheap flights, cheap flights, Stanstead to Tralee, It isn’t every airline offers flights for 50p.

After studying the website we decided it was best, to pay priority boarding so that we’d sit three abreast.

And of course we’d all have luggage, so that’s an extra cost, and then we paid insurance in case our cases might get lost.

Cheap flights, cheap flights, it’s obvious to see, there must be extra charges when the flights are 50p.

At last the flight was booked with all of the additions. We’d read the reams of small-print of terms and conditions.

And then picked up the charge for using Visa which was drastic, cause how the feck are you s’posed to pay if not with feckin’ plastic?

Cheap flights, cheap flights, we paid the feckin’ fee, because by now we were committed to the flights for 50p.

Now I don’t know if you’ve tried locating Stanstead on a map, but checking in at 5am is a feckin’ load of crap.

You’re banjaxed if you try to catch a train or underground, so a taxi to the arse of the world was more than 100 pounds.

Cheap flights, cheap flights, we should have gone by sea, there’s no such feckin’ thing as a feckin’ flight for 50p.

Then at last we reached the airport where we had to pay a fine. The feckin’ feckers charged us ‘cause we hadn’t checked in online.

And finally aboard there’s an extra class of tax, cause the feckin’ feckin’ feckers feckin charge to use the jacks.

Cheap flights, cheap flights, I think you must agree, that only feckin’ gobshites think there’s flights for 50p.

Well finally we landed and tried to shuffle up the aisle, but the steward sent us down the back with never a hint of a smile.

And as we heard his announcement our hearts gave a terrible thump. If you haven’t prepaid to use the steps you’ll have to feckin’ jump.

Cheap flights cheap flights you’re harking on to me, you’re an eejit if you think a feckin’ flight is 50p.