Step 8

The first part of Step Eight asks us to list all the people we have harmed, regardless of the circumstances. The Step work we have done to this point can be helpful and supportive as we identify those we have harmed and realize how our behaviors have hurt others and ourselves. Often, it is easier to see how we have harmed others. Sometimes it takes a spiritual to-by-four in order for us to admit just how harmful we have been to ourselves. If shame or guilt overwhelms us, we can rely on our Higher Power and remember our decision to live God's will. We find peace when we let go and trust our Higher Power. We no longer waste energy pushing down the memories or the feelings.

In the second part of Step Eight, we are asked only to become willing to make amends. We are not asked to make amends. In this Step, we do not need to decide how or when the amends will be made. Keeping this in mind, we can work with our Higher Power on becoming willing.

If we feel frightened by being honest and feeling vulnerable, we can rely on Steps One, Two, and Three to support us as we become willing. We can ask our Higher Power to help us let go of the belief that harm will come if we tell the truth. The fear of being wrong or of being judget can be offset with a positive affirmation such as, "I admit my mistakes and learn from them." If resentment, anger, and feelings about others seem to be holding us back from working this Step, we remember that we are powerless over others. Believing in a power greater than ourselves will restore us to sanity.

As we write our list of those we have harmed, we remember our Higher Power and acknowledge our Higher Power already knows everything we have done. We may want to make lists from differenct perspectives, like the harm that we have caused ourselves, the harm that we have caused others, or the resentments that we hold.

The following may be ways we have harmed others or ourselves:

• Holding resentments

• Acting out

• Fearing intimacy

• Manipulating others

• Needing to be right

• Cheating, lying, and stealing

• Obsessing or worrying

• Blaming and judging others

• Emotionally abusing ourselves or others

• Physically abusing ourselves or others

• Neglecting our responsibilities

• Creating financial stress

• Abandoning ourselves

• Separating from our spiritual selves

This list we make in Step Eight acknowledges our harmful behavior in a new way, and we become accountable to ourselves and our Higher POwer for what we have done. We begin to understand how important it is to see our harmful behavior. We no longer have to hold on to the secrets of our past. We understand we have harmed because we were harmed. With this kind of honesty, change can begin, we can start to restore our relationships with others and ourselves in a healthy and loving way.

The list may grow as more is revealed and awareness is gained. When we acknowledge we no longer wish to ignore our feelings, we work this Step and find the possibility of relief encourages us to continue. Our recovery continues to bring awareness of old behaviors and ways we have harmed ourselves and others. We also become aware of how we continue old behaviors in our lives today. We stay open to what is revealed and we acknowledge we do not know everything about ourselves. We recognize our behaviors have an effect. This is why we work the Steps, over and over, to remain in the truth as it is revealed.