Step 1

Step One begins our personal relationship with the Steps of Co-Dependents Anonymous. We admit that we are powerless over our disease of codependency to ourselves and to others. As we do this, many of us begin to experience a sense of belonging and we see that we are not alone. Even though new behavior may feel uncomfortable, we can address each situation in our lives one at a time with the Steps, beginning with Step One. We can stop trying to control; we begin to establish a new relationship with ourselves.

Saying we are powerless over our disease, out loud to the group, starts us on our road of truth. We begin to identify what we are powerless over and see the manifestations of our disease. We learn to identify some of the "untruths" we may have been taught. We come to realize that powerless does not mean weak; controlling others does not make sue safe; looking to others for our direction does not support us in living our own lives; judging others is not our business; and believing we are all-powerful is painful. We experience how old tapes playing in our heads can control us. We discover that thinking in terms of black and white or right and wrong is rigid and limiting.

As we work Step One, we begin to find the tools of recovery. Most of us find that using our CoDA literature, as well as listening to others as they share their codependent characteristics, is helpful in the identification process required in Step One. We focus on ourselves and work on staying in the present. We begin to recognize a Higher Power. As we let go, we begin to release responsibility for others. We let go of what others think about us, knowing we are adults and have choices. We learn to ask, "What do I want?," "What do I think?," and "What do I feel?" We can make a checklist of tools to support our recovery. We can be still and connect with a Higher Power. We begin to establish healthy boundaries (leave, call someone, take a walk around the block) to better take care of ourselves. We learn that we have done enough when we have listened to our gut, prayed, written, or realized we don't have to make a decision right away. We also learn that it isn't necessary to like everything that we accept. We can learn the lessons of true humility and recognize we don't have all the answers. As we begin to let go of control, we are better able to accept the realities of being human. We find peace.

Our lives are different and rewarding when we are willing to work this Step. We experience freedom, personal integrity, and self-empowerment. Developing a genuine interest in taking care of ourselves and honoring our intuition becomes a priority. As we let go of the need to control others, we begin to focus on that which we can take care of: OURSELVES. We can take our time and act with grace and dignity. When we are connected with ourselves and this Step, we begin to have faith that we are capable of changing, and we learn to release our fears. We begin to recognize we are worthwhile and valuable. We can say "thank you" and give ourselves positive affirmations daily.