Step 7

The direction in this Step is simple. It is not results oriented, we ask and then let go. With the acceptance of a loving Higher Power in our lives, we become willing to believe our shortcomings will be removed.

By the time we get to Step Seven, we may have strong feelings about our shortcomings and our past behaviors. We recognize the harm we have caused ourselves and see our inability to change our behavior through self-will. We realize that our shortcomings are harmful; therefore, we humbly ask our Higher Power to remove them.

Asking that our shortcomings be removed may be scary. In our childhoods, when we were vulnerable and admitted our imperfections, terrible things happened. Because of this history, it may never occur to us to be vulnerable and ask something of our Higher Power. We may still be making choices today based on our old survival behavior. In the past, we may have been taught, “If it is to be, it is up to me,” and/or “Never let anyone see you are struggling.” We may have been taught we couldn’t rely on anyone or anything, except our own abilities and ourselves.

As recovering codependent adult, we ask God to remove our shortcomings, including our fears, self-criticism, and perfectionism-then we let go. In working Step Seven, we choose living, loving ourselves, and working our recovery program.

We trust our Higher Power. We accept that we have shortcomings. We ask that our shortcomings be removed.

The following are some examples of shortcomings we may ask God to remove:

• Procrastination

• Needing to do something about what we are feeling

• Belief that we are in control

• Fear of letting go and trusting

• Fear of what others may think or feel about us

• Fear of others’ anger

• Dishonesty

• Manipulation (overt or covert)

• Self-abuse

• Reacting rather than acting

• Our need to be right

• Our need to do it ourselves, without any help

• Our inability to ask for help

• Our desire for others to do it our way

• Perfectionism

• Addictions

• Guilt

• Resentments

• Self-righteousness

• Isolation

• Shame

• Self-abandonment

• Belief that we have to act on our feelings

When we share at meetings, we gain clarity about our self-defeating behaviors. When others share, we find similarities in our patterns of codependency. Speaking the truth and asking that our shortcomings be removed increases our awareness that a Higher Power is present in our lives. We accept that we are not perfect, realizing the truth that our Higher Power can remove our shortcomings and, by ourselves, we can’t. We learn to focus on what our Higher Power wants for us on a daily basis.

Humbly asking God to remove our shortcomings does not necessarily mean being on our knees, although some of us seek our a church, template, or other peaceful or sacred place. Being humble, we accept our Higher Power’s plan for us. Being humble, we also accept our place in the universe - not better, not worse, not bigger, not smaller. We may have learned in childhood that humility mean humiliation; today we believe differently. We may not have known then that we had a right to ask our Higher Power for help. Now we learn to be willing to let go and let God. We learn to accept ourselves, without being controlled by what others think of us. We accept the past and the messes we created by trying to do it all ourselves. We learn humility can be a good thing, bringing good feelings. God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

With humility, we can ask our Higher Power for help with all things. Our Higher Power has seen all we have done in our lives and loves us just as we are today. We accept that.