Step 10

Step Ten asks that we continue taking personal inventories. This connects us to our program and offers an additional tool for us. The moral inventory in Step Four helped us understand our history. A personal inventory helps us see the choices we are making now and the actions we are taking today. How are these choices and actions supporting us in our lives today? Are things going well, or poorly? When we have been wrong in our choices or action, this Step tells us to admit it promptly. The wording of Step Ten offers a clear perspective on our being human. "When we were wrong" says that sometimes we are wrong. We are not - and cannot be - perfect. Thus, Step Ten support our relationship to our Higher Power. 

Developing a personal checklist is one way to work Step Ten. Although we may think of this Step as something we perform at the end of the day, many of us have found it useful to do a mid-day inventory. This can help us reconnect with ourselves and become centered as we move into our afternoon activities. 

Some suggestions for a personal checklist might include:

• Am I living my Higher Power's will?

• Am I practicing gratitude?

• Did I do some form of prayer and/or meditation?

• Did I communicate in a healthy way today?

• If I let me codependent behavior take over today, what was that codependent behavior?

• Am I getting enough sleep and rest? Recreation?

• Did I exercise today - take a walk, swim, or do any other self-care activities?

• Am I eating a healthy diet?

• Did I honor my feelings today?

• Am I taking care of myself?

This Step supports us in staying current and present in our lives. By using the Tenth Step, we experience personal accountability on a daily basis. Have we completed what we said we would do today? Did we let go of codependent behaviors such as trying to change or control others? Did we observe the positives and celebrate new behavior and recovery?

Having different feelings from another does not mean we are wrong. Using Step Ten helps us understand what is our part and what we are responsible for. This Step is not used to get approval, to be right, or solve our feeling of anxiety. In recovery, before we react, we slow down, look at a situation clarly, and then take action if needed. 

We remind ourselves daily that it is human not to be perfect and that it is OK. Admitting that we are human, we are then free to focus on recovery. With our Higher Power, it is possible for us to change by being honest about our wrongs and admitting them. As we admit and let go, we are empowered to live God's will. We can forgive ourselves and develop a loving relationship with ourselves. 

When we know that we have done wrong, it is good to act promptly before we talk ourselves out of it. When we are doubt about our need to make amends, we can ask our Higher Power for clarity. When we admit our mistakes, we let go of the impossible goal of being perfect. When a person is not available to whom we can make amends directly, we can work with our sponsor or another CODA member and our Higher Power. When we admit our wrongs, we experience a new freedom. 

Step Ten teaches us to review our behavior regularly. The work we do in this Step helps us to increase our awareness and to understand where we need to practice new behavior. Being codependent is not something we can just stop doing, but through this Step we being to live more honest and fulfilling lives. Step Ten is a daily anchor in our recovery process, which frees us from the bonds of codependency.