Bert

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Luigi's Pursuit

Cause of Death - Shot by Leslie Chow [LP]

Occupations - Male stripper, Rapist

Relatives - Ernie (husband)

Race - English [Human]

VA: DFG Plasma

Bert was born with cerebral palsy which hindered his ability to rape or have sex with his husband Ernie. His parents knew that he was going to be worthless because of his condition so they left him outside of the nearest Home Hardware where he was taken in by a group of gay baboons which taught him the ways of the gay. The group of baboons cured his illness by mixing their shit with dry lysol wipes that were used to clean up vomit from an old nursing home to create a concoction that was shoved inside of his urethra which worked somehow.  These baboons also gave him the secret technique of fingering which he successfully mastered. He is a part of a gay marriage because Ernie was simply "too hot to handle". In the words of Bert "Ernie's hips move like some Brazilian while we are rawdogging in bed". Bert then moved to London shortly after his marriage to hopefully start a successful family with Ernie. They have tried to have a child 561 times in the past year all which were unsuccessful. They dont really like adopted kids so they will keep going at it until it works.

Ernie

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Luigi's Pursuit

Cause of Death - Shot by Leslie Chow [LP]

Occupations - Male stripper, Rapist

Relatives - Bert (husband)

Race - English [Human]

VA: DFG Plasma

Ernie was born in the Florida everglades by a radioactive caiman who originally ate the aborted fetus of Ernie that was disposed by Ernie's real mother. Ernie's mother was the age of 7 at the time he was born. She was brutally raped by a Malaysian witch doctor that had leukemia. At a young age, Ernie was showing early signs of Parkinson's disease because of his excessive amount of times he jerked off in a day. His record was 23 times in a day which led to his right testicle having to be amputated because it was no longer functioning as its supposed to. Ernie met Bert at Siva's breakfast buffet where they were both eating food as if they have been eating concrete their whole lives (which they have). Their first interaction was when Bert had a muscle spams and hucked a pancake at Ernie's asshole which turned him on. They later went in the alleyway which they first had aggressive gay sex. 

Garrie Garfield

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Myguel's Revenge

Occupations - Airport security, paid racist

Relatives - Neville Garfield (twin brother)

Race - El Pepeish [Fatass Cat]

Garrie was given birth by his mother in front of a sewer grate which led to him falling 20 feet causing him to have a fractured skull. His family presumed him to be dead so they never went to look for him. In the sewer, Garrie was bit by so many different rats which caused him to contract the black plague which brought a global pandemic. His sewer life consisted of three mains things: 1. Garrie would chase after any animal he thought he could eat. This led to him getting malaria and shitting all over the place. 2. He would constantly yodle at the top of his lungs like a stupid autistic child that wont shut the fuck up. 3. He would finger himself for the rest of the day thinking about how much he likes big oiled up black monkey niggers. When he got older, he applied for a job at the airport. The manager thought he was an oversized cat with rabies so she screamed in agony on the ground spazzing out as he was raping the shit out of her mangled corpse.

Neville Garfield

Appearances - Mario's Penetration

Occupations - Airport security, British police officer, royal guard

Relatives - Garrie Garfield (twin brother)

Race - English [Fatass Cat]

Neville was always mistreated as a child. The kids at school would pick on him and called him a clone for not being born on the same day at his twin brother. People called him retarded and stupid so he started attempting to kill his classmates during recess. Sometimes during recess he would sneak behind to school with his brother and make out there until they get caught. Neville moved to London and adapted their British slang and became one of the worst police officers ever. After a couple years on the job as an officer, Neville became a Royal Guard for the queen and was fired 3 days later for jacking off to the queen in the shower. Neville was sent to prison for 16 years but was released because the guards couldn't stand his annoying ass voice. Once he got out of jail he became an airport security man to yell at the Chinese immigrants that come through every day.

Diddy Kong

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Myguel's Revenge

Occupations - Gangster

Relatives - Donkey Kong (father), Peach (mother), Monkelious (brother), Taquavion (brother), Dinky Kang (brother)

Race - African [Monkey]

VA: Frogo

Diddy Kong was Peach and Donkey Kong's first born child. He grew up with them and his autistic brother Dinky Kang peacefully while Mario was in his coma. When Diddy dropped out of high school, he moved to London with his brother Dinky to pursue "Gang life" and get some bad British bitches. Diddy Kong would work with many crime bosses worldwide over the years, even working with Luigi multiple times. Diddy Kong is also wanted b++y the FBI and he is wanted in Russia for cutting off and stealing one of Vladimir Putin's greasy balls.

Dinky Kang M. Boob Kong

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Myguel's Revenge

Occupations - None

Relatives - Donkey Kong (father), Peach (mother), Monkelious (brother), Taquavion (brother), Diddy Kong (brother)

Race - African [Gorilla]

VA: DFG Plasma

Dinky Kang was born with down syndrome, autism, and 89 other disabilities causing his parents to want to leave him on the side of the street. But thanks to his older brother Diddy Kong, who convinced his parents to not kill him and leave him on the highway as roadkill to keep him and raise him. Dinky Kang was called "Mr. No-Chromo" at his school for having down syndrome and being very retarded. During a history class, Dinky Kang learned about Adolf Hitler and became a Nazi. Now, everyday he salutes to Hitler and has many Nazi Flags all over his apartment building.

José Mondruidez Tacko el'Jurrito

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Luigi's Pursuit, Anomalies Unleashed

Occupations - Cartel Member, British Roadman

Relatives - El Patramindala (brother), Chavo (brother), Juan (brother), Louise (brother), Pedro (brother), Willy (father)

Race - Mexican [Yoshi]

Jose grew up with his brothers in Mexico as a part of the "Junior Cartel". After his father went missing, Jose and the rest of his brothers pursued the cartel life and started selling and delivering drugs all over the Americas. Jose and his brother Louise were once stuck in El Salvador for 2 years because of a stupid ass traffic jam. During that time they robbed banks and became wanted by the El Salvador government. In total they stole over 70% of all the total money in the country and when they got back to Mexico they were promoted and were one of the highest ranked members in the Cartel. When news of his father's discovery started circulating around, Jose and his younger brother Pedro moved to Europe to go find him. They eventually found him in London as a crime boss and left the cartel to go work for him. Jose gave his position in the cartel to his brother El Patramindala.

Pedro Jodidamente Odio a Los Negros

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Luigi's Pursuit, Anomalies Unleashed

Occupations - Cartel Member, British Roadman

Relatives - El Patramindala (brother), Chavo (brother), Juan (brother), Louise (brother), Jose (brother), Willy (father)

Race - Mexican [Yoshi]

Pedro was scouted by the Mexican Cartel as a "draft prospect" at the age of 2 because of his unmatchable accuracy with an AK-47. While growing up Pedro kept practicing his shooting with many different guns and weapons over the years and became the youngest person ever to get drafted to the cartel at the age of 12. Pedro quickly became a high ranked member of the cartel and managed to get over 2500 career sniper kills, 5000 AK-47/Pistol kills, 1000 rocket/grenade launcher kills, and 37 grenade shoved in the guy's ass kills, A record that nobody his able to beat in the cartel. When his father was discovered in Europe, he went to look for him with his brother Jose and left the cartel for good. 

Sir Willburt "Willy" Caca-Sisco Ferdinanz

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Luigi's Pursuit

Occupations - Cartel Leader, British Roadman, British Drug Dealer, British Crime Boss

Relatives - El Patramindala (son), Chavo (son), Juan (son), Louise (son), Jose (Son), Pedro (Son)

Race - Mexican [Yoshi]

Willy was the former Mexican Cartel leader before having his children with some hot Latino Yoshi. During his time as the cartel leader, Willy managed to take over all of central america and some of the Caribbean. Willy was the most dangerous man on the planet and one point and was wanted by every single government in the world. When Willy had his kids, he stepped down as the cartel leader and took a break from crime to actually be a good father. One day Willy got kidnapped by some British dude and got brought to England leaving his family behind. Willy went missing for over a decade and nobody knew where he was. Willy was captured and held hostage at the most protected prisons in the whole world in London. He somehow managed to bribe the guards and escaped but he couldn't got back to Mexico or else he would get found again. He stayed in London and became a well-known Crime Boss there and later reached out to his sons in Mexico. 2 of his sons, Pedro and Jose came and started working for him.

Burr

Appearances - Mario's Penetration

Occupations - None

Relatives - None

Race - English/Nigerian [Mole]

Burr is a young child who believes the world revolves around him. He constantly tries to pick fights with roadmen which always ends up in him getting his ass whooped or getting raped by some niggers in an alleyway. When he was younger, his parents abandoned him at a local flea market because they saw that he was an ugly child. They didnt want to raise a child that would make them look bad so they decided let him starve there. You might think somebody would have tried to bring the poor boy in but no, everybody thought he was trash so as they walked by him, they would spit and shit all over him. At the age of 8, Burr found a porn magazine on the sidewalk and wanted to become as masculine as the men on it. So he dedicates his whole life to never live in fear so thats where his tremendous amounts of courage and pride come in. At the age of 10, some pirates came to steal money from local stores so Burr tried being a hero and stop them. This went sideways as the pirates decided to shove a cannonball so far up his ass that he isnt able to shit it out. He now permanently has a cannonball up his ass.

Dom Swart Aap

Appearances - Mario's Penetration, Luigi's Pursuit, Anomalies Unleashed

Occupations - Pedophile, Slave

Relatives - None

Race - African [Monkey]

Dom was raised in a jungle in South Africa his whole life before being capture by British colonists long ago. He was brought to America and was a slave for George Washington for 15 years after being sold to some drunk ass guy that lives in Ireland. In Ireland Dom learned how to speak English alongside how to do many things a black nigger would want to do like rob banks and stuff like that. For the next hundred years Dom moved to London and lived as a homeless guy that everybody would throw banana peels at because he is a stupid black ass nigga.