We will depart the shithole known as Vernal, UT at 8:00 am, heading towards the large metropolis called Boise, Idaho. The drive is 8 hours long according to our Google overlord, but we know Dad will have to stop to pee every two hours, so factor that in, realists.

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After waking up in the hustle and bustle of Boise, we will make our way to a place in Washington called (and I'm not lying) Cape Disappointment (although, between you and me, they are full of shit). The drive is 8.5 hours and will land us seaside.

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With the sea at our side and adventure in our bones, we will hightail our butts for a mere three hours to a beautiful seaside town called Lincoln City in Oregon, making sure to stop at all the cute little towns along the way. This little gem is a favorite of travelers on the coast.

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Continuing our coastal journey, we will steer our ship to the beautiful town of Coos Bay, Oregon, a short jaunt of three hours. We will rest beside the water and enjoy the scenery while we scream out our latest hot topic debate.

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Our next stop takes us to Brookings, Oregon; a quiet, coastal town where they are just aching to meet the Griswalds (aka Zagers). They have no idea what they are in for.

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Our adventure moves us down further south where we will discover the might of the incredible Redwoods. Our drive will take us through at least two must-see redwood forests before we reach our destination in Eureka, California.

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After a cozy night in Eureka, we will head to Fort Bragg, making stops at incredible sights like Glass Beach! Don't forget your cameras, kids. (Get those selfies. Make Regina jealous.) With only three hours of a drive, we will have lots of opportunities to stop along the way.

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Wrapping up our coastal tour, we end in Petaluma, California after a 3.5 hour drive with lots of stops. We will spend the night discovering the town and taking a dip in the pool.

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Well, this is where reality starts to sink in. We will point our super van away from the ocean and back towards the desert we call home. We will break up the long trek back to (hell) home into two chunks; this one being 10 hours to the hoppin' town of Elko, Nevada (feelin lucky, punk?). So, buckle in, kids. It's gonna be a long one.

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