Remember that if you need stats, go to baseball-reference.com; everything and anything you want is there.  I orient my review toward a dive into not only a judgment of the player himself but also his fit with the team in question.  And with the switch to StatsPlus, it’s much easier for me to track each team’s picks, so I will make an effort to rate both the individual 1st round pick as well as give an idea as to how a team did overall for players that earn a mention; I won’t be reviewing $0 guys.  Finally, remember that even though it’s hard to believe, I swear all of the below Fun Facts are true.

1. DEN – SP Hideo “Say No More!” Nomo

The Commish rolled the dice at the UL Draft Lottery, and he somehow managed to snag #1 overall.  Hmmmmm……I wonder how that happened?  Same way Andy crushed a couple years ago and how Charlie crushed it last year.  All dice are kept in a hermetically sealed jar in a safe at the UL’s law firm of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe before The Commish receives them from a DCH lawyer, a mere ten seconds before the lottery starts.

As to the pick itself, The Commish finds himself in the midst of another magical and short re-build, something at which he excels.  Nomo has electric stuff and stamina, and with pitching paramount, this seems like a no-brainer.  However, I do wonder if taking Posada could have been a better move, as DEN has plenty of catchers but none with the offensive fire power of Jorge, who looks like a definite star.  As it stands, Nomo will immediately improve DEN’s rotation, so my opinion could simply be me taking a different path on the re-build, but something is striking me that DEN should have taken Posada.  This is the beauty of the UL, though:  each team has so many options on how to build; I just love this aspect of the league/game in general!

However great Nomo turns out to be, I want to turn your attention to what else The Commish was able to do in this draft, namely picking up CF Mike Cameron, who has beastly range, great speed and decent power, 3B Phil Nevin, who’s a solid defender with above average power, RP Ugueth Urbina, who has four filthy pitches, and 3B Joe Randa who looks to be a contact/avoid Ks guy.  Nomo by himself is a solid pick, but add these astute moves and one will see that DEN – although not having four 1st Round picks like MON – quietly had an amazing draft that likely would have flown under your radar had not my scintillating and dare I say brilliant baseball analysis brought this to your attention.  And with his last pick, The Commish added Quinton “Fill” McCracken, a glovey OF who also played for Tim during Micro League.  “Fill” is finally home again!

Oh, I finally figured out what is striking me about Posada; it’s that MPS GM Haugh who keeps hitting me with a police baton and shouting “Posada!  Posada!”.  That darn fox…..this piece of information will come in handy at pick #7.

Did You Know?

• Known for his unusual pitching motion called “the tornado” where he would whirl around and turn his back to the batter before throwing; 1995 NL ROY.  

• One of three players to be voted into Japan’s HOF on the first ballot.  

• FUN FACT:  favorite TV show is Monty Python’s Flying Circus. 

• FUNNER FACT:  favorite sketch is “Candid Photography”, also known as “Nudge, Nudge”.  

2. MON – SS Derek “Feet of Stone” Jeter;  #8 1B – Mike Sweeney; #12 RF - Brian Giles; #16 3B – Edgardo Alfonzo

Wait!  What is this?  Multiple 1st Round picks being reviewed simultaneously?  What gives?  This is what happens when someone like Gryka has 90% of the first round’s picks and essentially has a different team after Round 1.  Cannot review these moves in a vacuum, so, as the MON GM may say, let’s fucking go!

As you may have noticed from my moniker for him, I’ve never have been a Jeter fan.  Best thing this guy did was date Minka Kelly, and had he not been on the Yankees, no one ever would have heard of him.  But back to the fake world.  If Gryka is looking at offense, then there’s definitely a chance that Jeter could help (assuming he develops).  But fact is that Jeter is not a solid defensive player.  With Pudge, MON does not need a catcher, so passing on Posada makes sense, but there could be a missed opportunity for not grabbing Isringhausen and shoring up the rotation.  SP Chan Ho Park is waiting in the minors, but imagine adding Izzie or Pettitte to the mix.  Or, what about Damon and strengthening the OF?

1B was another need, and Mike (not Mark) Sweeney, if he develops, is a nice pick-up, as he should be an OBP hound.  Yes, Giambi was also available, but for me picking between the two is simply a matter of preference and whether one wants the high contact/OBP vs the HRs.  I like this pick.  

RF Brian Giles is another intriguing player who, once again if he develops, should be a monster at the plate and a high contact/OBP guy with solid power.  He has speed and can play anywhere in the OF, so this pick goes far in addressing a glaring MON need in the OF. 

3B Edgardo Alfonzo is the pick that I like the most.  I thought a long time about taking the Fonz but decided that there’s nothing better than wasting a 1st round pick on a reliever.  A decent fielding IF with speed and solid contact and Avoid Ks numbers, Edgardo is waiting in the wings to replace Bip, who likely will be let go at season’s end due to his $74M contract.  Edgardo is close to being developed and able to have a more immediate impact than Jeter or IF Mark Loretta, whom I also like more than Jeter as well.  Loretta isn’t full glove at 2B, but he’s better defensively than Jeter and should be an OBP hound. 

And later in the Draft, Gryka snagged SP Alan Benes, who can start immediately; that is a definite plus for the Voys. 

With all these picks, what’s the verdict?  With the exception of the Jeter pick, which I thought was a stretch, as I had Jeter dropping to the bottom third of the round, GM Gryka has a fine kettle of fish.  There’s definitely development risk, but this draft had a lot of that, so the question isn’t if there is risk but of whom one would pick if not these high-risk guys, and if those alternate picks would be able to perform at the level of a Sweeney, Giles or Fonz.  Despite my critique of Jeter, Gryka still got him and a guy like Loretta and Alfonzo, so it may work out in the end.  All in all, these picks immediately change the face of the entire franchise and could result in MON competing.  Let’s fucking go! 

Did You Know?

• Jeter actually did date Minka Kelly. 

• Sweeney had a solid career but could have been even better save for his constant knee and back injuries.  

• Giles and his ex-wife reportedly spent most of their time beating each other up.  

• Alfonzo is a righteous dude who supported his family back in Venezuela so his father didn’t have to drive trucks for a living and instead could stay home.  

• FUN FACT:  Giles, whose real name is John Geils, changed his name to “Brian Giles” so he would not be confused with his cousin’s father, John Geils of the J. Geils band.

• FUNNER FACT:  Favorite album is Nightmares….and Other Tales from the Vinyl Jungle.

• FUNNEST FACT: Favorite song is “Must of Got Lost”.  

3. MPS – SP Jason Isringhausen; #7 C – Jorge Posada

Foxy Steve Haugh takes over an ex-Spider team in need of a major overhaul, so the areas of need are many, and it would have been very difficult for me to claim that any pick he could have made here (except maybe Jeter :P) would have been a bad one.  Izzie is ready to go and possesses five pitches, so definitely like this one to instantly improve MPS’s rotation.  And Posada is a switch-hitting catcher……wait!  Do you hear it?  It’s the swoop train a-comin’; it’s rollin’ ‘round the bend!; and I can’t believe that this guy - dropped near pick ten!  How the heck did that happen?  Posada does have to develop, but he is definitely worth it if he reaches his potential.  Great offensive ratings and average defensive ratings; both picks I love.

Did You Know?
• Izzie had two seasons with 30+ and one season with 40+ saves.

• Posada is five-time Silver Slugger winner.  

• FUN FACT: Isringhausen is related to Baron von Munchausen through his mother’s line, and, surprisingly, is also related to Baron von Trapp of Sound of Music fame through his father.

• FUNNER FACT:  big on children’s literacy, Posada had a bunch of Dr. Suess titles published both English and Spanish for libraries in Puerto Rico; the most popular book is Jorge Hears a Who.  

4. MAN – Andy Pettitte

MAN is also in a rebuilding frame of mind, and what better way to start than with an SP of Pettitte’s quality?  With six pitches and stamina for days, Pettitte could be the ace of the Gray Sox rotation; at the very least the #2 to Pat Hentgen.  Throw in recently acquired Rick Helling and the Hernandez brothers to go along with Heathcliff in the pen, and GM Holthaus has got the foundation of a solid staff.  The question is if his offense will be able to score enough runs.  Can’t argue with this pick at all.  Holthaus also grabbed IF David Bell, who should be solid, and snagged F.P. Santangelo, who’s not exactly an offensive juggernaut but who is insanely talented in the OF.  Solid draft for MAN. 

Did You Know?
• Won five WS with the Yankees

• Went 19-11 with a 3.81 ERA in the post-season.  

• FUN FACT:  after retiring, started a document shredding company called Pettitte Shreditt; the company motto is “Don’tt Forgett tto Lett Pettitte Shred Itt!”.  

5. SEA – CF Johnny Damon; #9 RP – Mariano Rivera

GM Tucker continues his rebuild of the Rainiers, a team that didn’t exactly have a stellar 1994.  Despite pulling a Detroit Red Wings in the draft lottery, Tucker rebounded nicely with both these picks.  Damon is nearly fully developed, fast, strong defensively and should be on base often.  Rivera is more of a gamble, as he does have great potential, but MOV and CON may not develop as much as Tucker would hope.  Picking up an above average LF/CF and what could be argued is the best RP in the draft should immediately help SEA, and Tucker was also able to get IF extraordinaire Craig Counsell, who is a beast on defense and able to get on base offensively.  Very solid three picks for SEA.

Did You Know?

• Damon won two WS (one with the Red Sox and one with the Yankees). 

• Rivera is the MLB leader for saves and cousin to Ruben Rivera, drafted by ATL.

• FUN FACT:  Damon sends an Xmas card each year to Pitt and Hill that says “you bastards owe me for the seven-and-a-half million dollar crack”.  

• FUNNER FACT:  Although Rivera’s walk-out music was “Enter Sandman” by Metallica, after retirement Rivera stated he would have preferred Debbie Gibson’s “Only in My Dreams”.   

6. WAS – 1B Jason Giambi

GM Gudim has finally got WAS’ fiscal issues straightened out, and the team is no longer pushing the cap and bleeding money.  Current 1B Gregg Jefferies is not a bad option, but a power-hitting guy like Giambi is way better.  Giambi can hit for power, and he gets on base a ton, to the tune of a lifetime .399 OBP.  Although WAS plays in a park that is oppressive to hitters, a team does have to score some runs in order to win.  Giambi, along with WAS’ 2nd rounder in LF Bobby Higginson, give the Mons two quality players who can hit bombs, which is just what the doctor ordered.  WAS didn’t have a 3rd this year, otherwise Gudim may have made an even bigger splash than these two.  Like these picks.  

Did You Know?

• Publicly apologized twice for using PEDs.  Oooops.  

• How did I miss that brother Jeremy killed himself in 2022?  

• FUN FACT: none of these after the first two depressing bullets.    

10. FLO – LF Michael Tucker

For me, this is a very astute pick by GM Lima.  He found a guy that can play all three OF positions, and play them damn well, with incredible range, low error rate, and a great arm.  Tucker is solid offensively as well, with his only “negative” being that he isn’t the fastest guy around.  Expect to see Tucker start at CF for the pink birds this year; great pick.  Lima followed this by taking Tony Clark, a power-hitting 1B who should be better than Dave Hollins, and SP Shawn Estes, who, despite his control issues, has four pitches and plenty of stamina, and who will immediately become a 5th starter.  Overall a good draft for FLO. 

Did You Know?

•Was on the US Baseball team at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona.  

•FUN FACT:  Rumors abounded that Michael Tucker was being given a hard look by SEA GM Brandon Tucker, but eventually Tucker thought that Tucker just didn’t have the speed Tucker wanted, so Tucker turned his attention to Damon and decided to forego Tucker; damn, now I’m tuckered out.  

11. BRO – John Jason Jingleheimer Schmidt

GM Widholm made a throwback pick in this year’s draft, as BRO has established precedent in picking SPs in the first round, but we’ve seen several seasons where BRO went position player.  This year the Superbas went back to their historical strength and drafted an SP.  Schmidt is one of the best SPs in this year’s draft; now Widholm will just have to hope that he develops while in the minors.  BRO also nabbed LF Marty Cordova, who can start now if Widholm desires, and C George Williams, who flew under everyone’s radar but who is quietly a solid backstop.  Mike Scioscia is great, but he is 36 and costs $6M per, so BRO is going to need another catcher soon.  Solid draft for the Superbas. 
Did You Know?

• NL ERA Leader 2003.   

• FUN FACT:  His name is my name, too

• FUNNER FACT:  Whenever we are out; people always shout “John Jason Jingleheimer Schmidt”! 

• FUNNEST FACT: His name is my name too.

13. HAV – CF Todd Hollandsworth

GM Mueller is apparently also putting his Leones through a re-build.  Hollandsworth is no Michael Tucker defensively, but he does have above average defensive skills, is much faster and should be able to get on base, one thing that Mueller loves.  And with this pick, Mueller has a guy that can replace any one of his OFs, but especially Dykstra or Mack if there are buyers interested in helping Mueller’s rebuild along.  Those that know Mueller (like me!) understand the beauty of this pick and realize that Mueller ALWAYS has a plan.  That’s why I hired him to be the Griffins Special Counsel on Everything Griffins-related; I can go get soused while Mueller holds down the fort.  OF Hollandsworth followed by OF Lawton, who’s also got great numbers, followed by 2B Veras, SS Grudzielanek and then RP Osuna?  Mueller may have had the best draft save for DEN (Remember we cannot put MON here because of that Jeter guy pick).  I think Lance’s picks worth mentioning (9 in total so add P Reyes, P James, 3B Ledesma and CF Goodwin) were fantastic.  

Did You Know?

• 1996 ROY for the Dodgers.

• Brother-in-law of Matt Herges.  

• FUN FACT:  Got his last name due to the actions of his family’s forefathers, who, as laborers, loved to tell the following joke “how much is a Holland worth for a day of labor?”; answer “it depends on how much he’s asking!”.  Eventually the plural form became popular as many of the male members would show up, hence his family becoming known as “Hollandsworth”.  

14.   BOS – RP Troy Percival

Good god does this guy have great stuff.  GM Where’s Waldo? has his closer and then some, as Percival is fully developed and ready to shut opposing offenses down.  The guy does have a disruptive personality, but Waller has that sorted, too, by adding money to his “clubhouse repair” line item in his budget, and by mandating Percival take anger management classes taught by Albert Belle.  If you’re going to draft an RP in round one, this is the guy you get.  Waller had to go with maximum effort since BOS traded its 2nd and 3rd picks, so we’ll see how much impact Percival makes.   

Did You Know?

• Won the WS with Anaheim in 2002.  

• In the top ten of oldest pitchers to make their first start in a game.  

• Despite being an asshole in our game, is actually a really nice guy.

• TO WIT – FUN FACT:  after the Tigers playoff run in 2006, when he was injured the entire year, teammates voted to give him a ring and his playoff share; Percival used the money to buy a suite in Comerica Park for his teammates’ wives.

• TO WIT - FUNNER FACT:  Also in 2006, he personally funded the building of a new clubhouse at the Riverside Sports Complex, home to his college program of UC Riverside.  

15. DET – RP Billy “the Kid” Wagner

What?  Yet another RP?  What is Holloway doing?  And drafting an RP after two have already been taken off the board?  Holloway is either drinking again or that concussion he suffered is hindering his ability to think cogently.  On the other hand, Wagner has electric stuff, with three of his four pitches being potential 10s.  Wagner still has to fully develop, but maybe this pick isn’t as bad as I think it is.  And those supporting Holloway seem to have done their homework, as the Griffins found some potential gems despite drafting down in the order.  Following Wagner, DET was able to land Greg Zaun, a switch-hitting catcher who’s almost fully developed, can run, and can play solid defense.  Then the Griffins discovered that RP Terry Adams, a 6/8/5 EXGB guy with three solid pitches and 3 stamina, had somehow dropped to the 42nd pick.  It’s very likely Adams will be converted to a starter.  Finally of note is that DET landed OF Orlando Palmeiro, who, despite having a ways to go, is essentially a poor man’s version of DEN’s Mike Cameron.  Not a bad draft for DET considering the lateness of the picks. 

Did You Know?

• Eight 30+ save seasons; two 40+ save seasons; lifetime 2.31 ERA; HOF 2025.  

• FUN FACT:  walk-out music for the Griffins will be Richard Wagner’s “Ride of the Valkyries”.   

17. LA – 2B Ray Durham

With current 2B Jay Bell not performing as well as expected, and with Bell’s salary getting increasingly higher, GM Vays was looking for a replacement, and he found a good one in Durham, who has better offensive numbers than Bell.  Granted that Durham isn’t as good defensively, but I believe Vays is willing to give up a little defense in order to score more runs, which LA has had difficulty doing the past couple seasons.  Great pick to address a team need while managing the fiscal side as well.  CF Shannon Stewart is a lottery pick in that - if he develops -  he will be something.  Pitchers Hawkins and Crabtree will likely see action out of the pen, as LA’s reliever core has quietly and quickly become very old (Robinson is 34, Hurst is 36, Lucas is nearly 40, and Ojeda is 36), so Vays does well in addressing a potential issue.  Solid draft despite the low picks.  

Did You Know?

• Played HS football in NC with wrestler R-Truth.  

• FUN FACT:  would make trips to Durham to see the Bulls play in the High-A Carolina League, and even had an uncredited cameo in the Bull Durham Lollygaggers scene.  

18. TOR – SP Mike Grace

1994 WS winner Dr. Eric Clemons starts his quest to repeat by picking a very TOR-esque SP, one who’s ratings are 4/7/7.  Many in the UL believe we are in the era of “only stuff matters”, but Clemons has won with SPs that generally have lower stuff than the average UL starter.  With TOR’s staff getting up there (Sanderson is nearly 38), a nearly developed starter is the perfect back-up for any potential injury issues.  And it’s TOR; this team doesn’t need offense.  Solid pick.  Stynes in the 2nd round also will help the Bears, as the guy has good ratings offensively and defensively, both in the IF and LF.  Clemons made the most of his low picks. 

Did You Know?

• Middle name is Elmo.

• FUN FACT:  “I’m Elmo and I know it” is still one of the best videos I’ve ever seen. Find it on YouTube.