Pennant fever has hit the UL! Well, it’s hit some cities in the UL; certainly not Detroit. And while many UL observers expected a deafening cacophony of noise from the constant announcement of trades in Conference Room V in UL HQ, the room was eerily quiet, with The Commish stepping to the podium only THREE times on deadline day.

And if one thinks that is surprising, wait until I drop this on you. Last year, there were 46 deals in 1997, with NINE happening on Deadline Day. For 1998, there were TWELVE deals total for the ENTIRE year. And the three 1998 Deadline Day deals were of “meh” quality, with one where Denver dumped salary and a pick on LA, DET sent bench-warmer 2B Mark McLemore to Fridley for a pick, and BRO sent a pick to KEY for SP Yoshi. Nothing exactly earth-shattering here – or in any of the 1998 deals for that matter - like deals of yesteryear.

So in lieu of doing a Trade Review for 1998, I’d instead like to take you along with me on an investigation into what I believe could potentially be a shenanigan of epic proportions, one that may require investigation by the UL Special Guy for All That Is Good and Holy (and film-related), Andy Chaney. Wait! He is now in charge of all things UL film-related? Nope – he’s in charge of all things film-related. He got promoted due to years of meritorious service. Granted he never caught Tom Grieve and his Band of Merry Men, but there just may be more work for Chaney with Grieve’s son now in the League. Hmmm….possibly a bit of foreshadowing here…..

Back to the action! Apparently, Chaney has been quietly investigating two trades that DET pulled. The first is with CHI where DET 2B Fernando “Prefers Agnetha” Vina was sent to CHI for 2B Todd Walker and RP Mike Henneman. Sounds on the up-and-up, but wait; there’s more. After this deal was done on July 16, DET then sent 2B Marky “not Waller” Mark McLemore to Fridley for Fridley’s 2000 3rd and IF Wes “hit 47 HRs for Andy one year” Helms Deep. God, the references keep coming!

While at first glance all appeared well, Chaney did notice that both 2Bs suddenly were injured. Vina broke his collarbone on August 18, and McLemore sprained his elbow on August 23. TWO teams in the SAME division in the West both fighting for a playoff spot and mere games apart? Nothing to see here; move along.

What really piqued Chaney’s interest was when he reviewed the official documentation for the deals. For the DET-CHI trade, the DET GM signature read “Kuwabatake Sanjuro”, a nod to Toshiro Mifune’s character in Kurosawa’s epic Yojimbo. And for the DET-Fridley deal, the DET GM signature was simply “The Man with No Name”, an obvious reference to Sergio Leone’s Man with No Name Trilogy. It appears GM Holloway was setting up CHI and Fridley and playing them off each other for his own benefit, just like Mifune did in Yojimbo and Clint Eastwood did in A Fistful of Dollars.

Chaney, in a press conference, later commented that he’s still investigating the circumstances and that he’s a bit concerned because he has security camera footage of Holloway entering Kiner Stadium carrying a police baton and then passing an employee manning a concessions booth and telling him, “Get three coffins ready”.

As anyone who’s seen A Fistful of Dollars, this has Chaney wondering if there’s another player that Holloway managed to dump on someone who’s just an injury waiting to happen. As such, Chaney stated that he would be paying extra close attention to any past and future deals DET makes, and it may behoove other UL GMs to watch this sneaky Holloway guy, or at the very least, don’t be his next trade partner and instead wait until that third guy has been dealt.

Whoa, Nelly!