How to Save Your Marriage: 10 Tips For Healthy Reconciliation
Both spouses must be committed to a happy and functional marriage. Common scenarios can lead to marital problems, separation and, in some cases, divorce. However, even if your relationship has fallen apart, there are still ways to resolve conflict. A positive outcome can be achieved if both partners are willing to work together for reconciliation.
A couple counselor can help you improve your relationship. You can start online couples counseling as low as $60 per week by filling out a short questionnaire.
Can My Marital Relationship Be Saved?
Each couple's situation is unique. It can range from infidelity to a lack communication. There is still hope for reconciliation, if you are able to use the guidance of experts such as empathy, self-care and couples therapy. Dr. John Gottman says it's a good idea not to follow the " four horsemen," which are indicators that may indicate the end of a relationship.
If you want to save your marriage, here are some tips to help you get started: be kind when discussing conflict; be gentle; practice self-awareness; know when to stop, look for the positives; listen with empathy; give each other space; practice self-care; stay away from the four horsemen; seek out couples therapy.
These are ten ways to save your marriage.
1. Be kind when discussing a conflict of interest
Even the most basic things can lead to arguments between couples. They might argue over dirty dishes, but that is usually not the point. It usually has to do more with the manner in which the issue was raised, the context and the meaning of the conversation.
Here are two approaches to dirty dishes, for example:
"Why can't the sink be empty? Do you think there is a maid in the house? You're so lazy. You are so lazy.
"Can you please clean the dishes?" Thank you for all your hard work around the house. Thank you for being so helpful."
Truth is, the way we speak can trigger old wounds in our relationships that we may not be aware of. A simple statement such as the one above can make the other person feel criticized, unloved, or even belittled. If you are in a relationship with someone you love and want to make it work, show kindness and be open to discussing conflicts. Also, learn to fight fair if you have different opinions.
2. Be gentle with your spouse
It's interesting to observe how gentle we are with others, but not with our spouses. It is easier to be gentle when you are with friends or someone you admire than it is with your spouse. Consider asking yourself this question, and then analyze your feelings.
3. Be aware of your own feelings
Sometimes it can seem like your spouse is the expert in pointing out all the mistakes you make. But only you can know how you feel. It takes effort to become more self-aware, but it can help you make better choices. To fully control your emotions, you must take the time to analyze your thoughts, actions, and feelings. Take the time to observe your emotions and try to identify them. Then, embrace them. There are no wrong emotions, but there are wrong choices.
4. When is the best time to take a break?
Learn how to stop an argument by becoming aware of your emotions. Ask your spouse to give you 10 minutes to calm yourself down before you can continue the conversation. Be sure to return after the 10 minutes. Do not waste that time thinking of ways to win the argument. Instead, take deep breathes and practice relaxation techniques to clear your mind. Remember that relationships are far more important than being right.
5. Look for the positives
On a daily basis, look for positive qualities and actions in your partner. Dr. Gottman says that actively looking for positive emotions will have a significant impact on your response to negativity. Your brain will find what it is looking for. If you're constantly searching for faults, your brain will always find them. If you choose to consciously look for positive attributes or actions, you'll find them.
6. Empathy is a way to listen
You will feel more connected to your spouse if you listen to their true feelings. Once your spouse feels that you are able to understand their point of view, an argument can often turn into a conversation. While validating your spouse's feelings does not mean you agree with them, it does mean you can step into their shoes.
7. Keep away from Criticism
Negative criticism of your spouse is not a good idea. It is not easy to feel attacked. Even the best intentions can lead to negative outcomes. Many couples who have been in therapy for some time say how it feels to be heard and validated from their spouse. Use your words carefully, never use "I" statements to address a problem, and always state your feelings and needs.
8. Give each other space
It is crucial to allow your spouse time to calm down after an argument. This is slightly different than knowing when to take breaks. Instead, it focuses more on your partner's desires for time and space. Respect your partner's choice of when and how they want to return to finish their conversation.
9. Take care of yourself
Your relationship will thrive if you take care of yourself. Your happiness, love and dreams are what you want to share with your spouse. But how can you do that if you don’t have them? Your happiness is yours. It's not something someone else can give to you. Find out what brings you joy and make more of it. You can make a list of the things that you can do to recharge. Your list could include things such as taking long showers, getting your hair done, gardening, and reading a book. Being able to take care of our own health will make us more available to our spouse emotionally.
10. Seek Couples Therapy
Today, help is easily available online or in-person. Many therapists can now be reached via secure video or other virtual channels. Although it can be hard to share your most intimate feelings with someone new, it is possible to save your marriage by seeking out help. A couple therapist will help you find the right solution for your union and provide guidance to ensure a happy and successful partnership.
A directory such as My Denver Therapy can help you find the perfect therapist based upon price, experience, and speciality.
Last Thoughts on Saving Your Marriage
There are always chances for your marriage to succeed. Although the exit door may seem like the best option, it is possible to make your marriage work. If there has been physical abuse, that is an exception. It's better not to keep doing harm to yourself by continuing to stay.
Additional Resources
The first step in our journey to better mental health and emotional well-being is education. Choosing Therapy has partnered up with experts in mental health and wellbeing to help our readers make the next step on their path. Referrals to My Denver Therapy by these companies may result in My Denver Therapy being compensated.
BetterHelp (Online therapy) What are the next steps in the relationship? Is there a way to improve the relationship? BetterHelp offers online therapy that is convenient and affordable. BetterHelp begins at $60 per week. Fill out a short questionnaire to be matched with the best therapist. Get started
Online Therapy.com (Couples Counseling). - Could your partner and yourself benefit from couples therapy? Find out. The Online Therapy.com standard plan offers a weekly 45-minute video session, unlimited text messaging, and self-guided activities such as journaling. They recently added instructional Yoga videos. Get Started
Search the Directory of Therapists To find a qualified therapist that is skilled in couples marriage counseling, visit this page. Search by specialty, availability and cost. You can view therapist profiles and watch introductory videos to get a better idea of the personality of the therapist so that you can find the perfect fit.