The Morality of the Consumption of a Fellow Human, as Explained by a Very, Very Hungry Man

The stage opens with two men sitting openly in the light. One is tied up, including a rope around his mouth. The other man, the CANNIBAL, sits amicably across from him.

CANNIBAL: So, how was your day?

The other man struggles

CANNIBAL: Right, yeah, the gag. Sorry about that. You were, uh, screaming a lot. I just… you know, distracting, right? It uh… made me feel pretty bad. About, uh… you know. Eating you.

The other man continues struggling

CANNIBAL: It’s good rope though! Made it myself. When you’re stranded on a deserted island for… two weeks, you get a lot of free time. It’s, heh, you know, not like I have to spend much time eating, or anything.

Well, I mean, I tried eating stuff that isn’t you, but I couldn’t exactly find much. I think I saw some small game at… one point? But I, uh, made a whole lot of ropes! And traps! But, uh, you already know about the traps, right?

The other man is not amused

CANNIBAL: Yeah, I, uh, never caught anything. Until… well, until you. Just, I mean, imagine that! You’re trying to get any food at all, but not a single animal gets trapped… and then you! It’s got to be some kind of… I dunno, divine intervention? Look, I’ve got to eat you. If there’s a man upstairs, then he wants me to. Right? Because all of this is WAY too crazy to…

Speaking of, are you religious? Yeah, I became a Christian the moment I needed food here. That’s the uh, that’s the expression, right? Well, I mean, if you do believe in heaven, then you’re totally going there. This is, uh, like, basically self-sacrifice, for, uh… me. So, maybe, stop struggling?

The other man struggles even more

CANNIBAL: Look, one of us is going to have to die. Honestly, starving to death here would be a way worse fate than dying quickly. And, uh, don’t worry. I’ll kill you before I eat you. Wait, well, uhm, it sounds bad, but it’s a rock and a hard place, uh, sort of situation, you know? In some ways, I’m basically doing you a favor, right? And, hey, I designed that snare for some kind of animal, not you. So, like, it’s basically your fault, uh, that you’re in this situation. Sort of a… like, a bad… mistake, on your part… Okay, wait, no, that was rude. Bad luck got you here, you got dealt a crummy hand, I shouldn’t’ve… okay, okay. Whatever. Sorry guy. I’ve got to… I’ve got to eat you at some point.

The other man is tiring, and his struggles and grunts are slowly being reduced to whimpers. The CANNIBAL does not act, however.

CANNIBAL: It’s just like eating anything else, you know! I, uh, somebody once told me, like, as a disturbing fact, that human flesh tastes just like pork, you know?

The other man is crying

CANNIBAL: I’m, uh, I’m sorry. This shouldn’t’ve happened, I should… look, put yourself in my shoes. I am so, so hungry. Day after day, everything hurts. I just… I can’t sleep! Can you imagine that? I’m so tired. I’ve slept, maybe, five times, for the two damn weeks I’ve been here! I’ve done everything to find food! I HAVE EATEN DIRT! TWICE! I ate a patch of odd berries, once. They made me sick for the whole day, puking, and feverish, and… and once it was finally over, I ate more! I was just… I was hungry! And I’d do it again! I can’t… if I am willing to do that to sate my hunger, then what’s so wrong with this? Please! Please let me do this! You’ll be saving me from this! One of us needs to die! I won’t be able to stop myself!

The other man is cowering, curled up on the ground. The CANNIBAL takes a moment to calm himself

CANNIBAL: I… you know, I originally came here on vacation? Before, uh, the plane crashed, and… Yeah, uhm… worst vacation ever, right?

The other man is collapsed in despondency. There is a moment of silence.

CANNIBAL: B…bon appetit?

The CANNIBAL moves toward the other man.

END