Fresh from the AP  - 2023 Report

Never before has the Redyr Cup benefitted from a match report written by someone who is both an accredited member of the Press and someone with a number of Pulitzer Prizes to their name. Since there is a complete absence of anyone matching this description ready, willing and able to report on the titanic struggle that is the Redyr Cup (both Stephen Jones (Rugby World Cup apparently) and David Walsh (Tour de France) declined to attend) we count ourselves lucky for the following match report; sent to the newsroom by your roving field reporter William R Jenssen III.

There are sporting clashes that get the blood racing. The drooling anticipation of an epic clash. The Ashes, the RWC final, The Ryder Cup when played in Europe, sometimes even the Calcutta Cup. Much is discussed, debated, and  disagreed beforehand and it all adds to the impending battle.  

This was not one of those fixtures. 

Tim “I’ve only ever lost one Redyr Cuo singles game” Coller was playing “Sleepy” Bill Jenssen. It was an also-ran fixture, an afterthought, coming after the winning team had been decided. And when Bill couldn’t find the ball after his first drive, shanked his second into the rough, and hacked painfully and continuously along the left, the bookies were already paying out.  Tim was contemplating a win on the 10th, or maybe 11th, as he had kindly given Bill shots.

But then something strange happened. Bill for the first time in the weekend started hitting the ball cleanly, and straight, and roughly where he was aiming for. And sometimes on consecutive shots. He found the green with his first shot on the 2nd and putted calmly to take a hole back. The 3rd was Tim’s hole but somehow Bill nailed a 15 foot putt leaving Tim struggling for a half. At the stroke index 1, 4th hole, the two were close to each other after their second shots. Tim took on the bunker and then calamitously found the far side rough from the bunker, then back in the bunker. Bill, with a couple of shots to spare came in through the side door. Tim didn’t even bother to putt.  Tim took the next hole, but thereafter the Coller camp was rattled as Bill hit cleanly and consistently. He made his shots count and by the end of the 11th there was clear water between the two opponents.

Then came the 12th. Bill and Tim both hit good drives, Bill even complimenting Tim on the shape of his ball’s flight. TC, the spotter, and Tim’s team mate, gave a big thumbs up and they descended the hill to find Bill’s ball just shy of the green, and Tim’s ball was….. well, it should have been there but it wasn’t. They looked, re-evaluated the flight, scratched their heads, looked again, Tim decided TC was the worst spotter in the history of spotting and spent much of the ball search, and indeed most of the next hole explaining this fact to everyone within a quarter mile. Bill birdied, so it was dormy 6. Tim now channelled his anger and won the next two holes. Then it was the 15th. Bill’s drive went straight but a bit left, Tim’s went right. You know, that out-of-bounds horrible part of the course right. They crested the fairway to commence the search, and with horror realised that the slow playing singleton in front was taking his second shot. After accepting Bill & Tim’s sincere apologies, he told them where Bill’s ball was. It was just off the fairway but in long grass. Without guidance it was unlikely to be found. Such are how fates and  fortunes are decided. Bill chipped out and was on the green in 3, with a shot in hand. Tim hacked his way eventually to the green where he gentlemanly conceded. Bill had won 5 and 3.

In the end, Blue had already got both hands on the Cup before the game was over. It didn’t decide anything in the overall context of the match, but for at least one of the contestants it was a hard fought contest, played in great spirits. An as entertaining and enjoyable a round as Bill has ever played. And he had beaten Tim. No one could ever take that away from him now, though he did consciously determine not to rub Tim’s nose in it, and practically never mentioned it again on the group’s whatapp for the next few weeks.