Anger Management

The information on this page and the links on this page are not a substitute for professional counselling. If you have difficulty controling your anger, you should seek professional counselling.

People who are in counselling should discuss the content of these pages with their counsellor or physician, before attempting any of the strategies discussed. At times we feel angry, because we feel our self worth has been attacked. When you feel yourself starting to get angry, remind yourself that your self worth does not come from people, situations or events.

You are worthwhile strictly because you exist. Your value cannot be increased or decreased by anything you do or by anything anybody does to you. Nobody can take away your self worth without your permission. We tend to think an act causes an emotion. That is not true. Acts and events in our lives do not cause emotion. For example, one day a little old lady is driving 60 in an 80 zone. You cannot get around her. At first, you feel frustration. But soon the frustration passes. You arrive at your destination, a little late, but calm, cool and relaxed. A few days later, you get caught on the same road, behind a slow driver. And you become enraged. You curse and yell at the slow driver. The difference between the two days is what takes place in your mind. Your thoughts create the difference.

(Acts or Events) + (Beliefs or Thoughts) = Emotions

We have little control over the events in our lives or how others act. We can, however, have some control our beliefs and our thoughts. We can change the emotions we feel by changing our beliefs and our thoughts.

Pain, frustration and suffering are compulsory in life. We cannot escape them. We do not have to choose misery. Misery is optional. As a rule, we tend to overlook positive things and dwell on and exaggerate the negative and over-generalize. When we do not notice the positive, focus on and exaggerate negative events and over-generalize, we set ourselves up for unpleasant emotions.

Take the example of being caught in traffic behind somebody who is driving very slow. I may exaggerate how bad the situation is, by thinking, "I will never get to work at this rate." Then I may over-generalize by muttering, "People are always doing this to me." And I will not see anything positive, such as the beauty of the countryside or the neighborhood. All I do is focus my attention on my frustration.

Whenever you find yourself looking only at the bad side, thinking this "always happens to me" and expecting the most dire results possible, you will experience unpleasant emotions. In short, you may well get totally pissed off.

The good news - we can identify the thoughts and beliefs that cause us to get angry. We can replace those beliefs with beliefs that do not result in our feeling such strong and negative emotions. On the next page, are some common beliefs that can result in anger and other painful emotions. As you read each of the illogical beliefs that can cause unhappiness ask yourself the following questions:

1. Does this belief sound logical?

2. Does life actually work like that?

3. What things do not support this belief?

4. Do the people I know who do not share this illogical appear happier than I am? Then replace the illogical belief with a belief that makes more sense and that helps you cope with life's events.

Albert Ellis Institute. Rational-emotive therapy, a form of cognitive therapy, can assist people who struggle have difficulty controlling their anger. The Albert Ellis institute is one of the pioneers of cognitive therapy. Information about cognitive therapy and a list of rational-emotive therapists around the world can be found on the Albert Ellis Institute's web Site.

Controlling Anger. Article on the American Psychological Association web site. Article includes information on what anger is, anger management, anger management strategies and if you need counselling. Mental Health Net. This internet site has a textbook on psychology on the internet.

The chapter on Anger and Aggression discusses recognizing anger, theories and facts about anger, mental processes that result in anger, relationships and anger, methods for coping with anger, dealing with aggressive people, and strategies to cope with violence or bullying.

A Christian Perspective on anger.