Pulling The Plug

Title: Pulling the Plug.

Fandom: Supernatural.

Pairing: Dean/Castiel

Rating: R

Word count: 1443

Spoilers: Season 6-ish. Nothing specific.

Warnings: Fallen!Cas. Mentions of human waste products.

Feedback: Yes please.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything even remotely related to Supernatural.

Beta: mithrel. Thanks, dear!

Notes: This fic was born from a combined weariness of reading the same type of unrealistically perfect Dean/Cas anal sex scene in an endless row of fics. Plus,

soundsfishy and I agreed that some crappy first-time sex was needed. Sadly, this involved a lot less actual sex than I planned, but I hope it sounds realistic anyway.

Summary: Being human involves some really crappy things and Cas struggles to deal with it.

Link to this fic on DW and on LJ and on AO3.

“Cas, come on! You're being ridiculous!” Dean scowled at the locked bathroom door.

“No, Dean, I'm being entirely sensible.”

Dean waved his hands around in agitation. “Really? So locking yourself in the bathroom like a little girl is the sensible thing to do here, huh?”

“I sincerely doubt any little girl has ever had to deal with this particular brand of mortification,” Castiel replied dryly, his voice slightly muffled by the door.

“Morti- Jesus Christ, Cas, it's not the end of the world!” Dean argued.

Castiel breathed a sigh heavy enough to hear through the door. “Maybe not for you. But this merely serves as a grim reminder of all I used to be. And it's unhygienic.”

Dean squinted at the door, suddenly suspicious. “You asked Sam about safe sex, didn't you?”

There was a pregnant pause before Castiel countered: “It was warranted, wasn't it? You certainly omitted some key pieces of information!”

“That's bullshit! I told you everything you needed to know!” Dean yelled, his frustration growing by the second. “I warned you that this could happen, and at the time I didn't hear you complaining!”

Castiel's voice suddenly got louder, indicating that he was now right behind the door. “You withheld that information until I was so aroused I could barely remember my own name! I find that deceiving!”

“It's not like I planned it!” Dean protested. “I didn't think we were going there yet!”

“That's no excuse!” Castiel's voice was thin with outrage and Dean backed away from the door slightly, rubbing his forehead, trying desperately not to scream something really ugly back at Castiel, when there was a gentle knock on the door to their motel room.

“Dean? I... I can't find my flashdrive. Do you think it's in your room?”

Sam's voice made Dean sigh and bang his head gently against the wall. It seemed the entire universe was out to cockblock him today.

“I dunno, Sam. You'll have to come in and look for it yourself.”

There was a pause before Sam asked cautiously: “...are you naked?”

Dean ripped the door open and snarled when Sam cringed at finding him wearing only his boxers. “Jesus, you are such a pussy sometimes!”

Sam rolled his eyes and edged into the room. “Well, excuse me for valuing my eye sight, Mr. I'm-too-cool-to-put-a-sock-on-the-doorknob!”

Dean rolled his eyes right back and slammed the door shut. “Bitch.”

Sam threw the expected “Jerk” back while Dean stomped back to the bathroom door, which was still firmly locked.

“Sammy, could you tell Cas that whatever health and safety lecture you gave him doesn't mean that body fluids give you cooties?”

Flinching, Sam cast him a wary glance. “I'm pretty sure I don't want any part in this.”

“Well, tough!” Dean growled. “Since you were the airhead who put the fear of sex in him, I think it's only fair that you get to kick it out of him again!”

Sam held out his hands and backed away from Dean towards the general mess on his table. “And now I know I don't want any part in this...”

He turned his back on Dean and started looking for his lost flashdrive among the clutter, while Dean seethed silently. “Right. That's it! Cas, you open this door right now, or so help me, I will use Sam's big, fat head to knock it down!”

Castiel's voice was muffled again, so Dean assumed he was now hiding in the shower or something. “Violating my privacy will not make this go away, Dean. And it will certainly not encourage me to resume sexual activity any time soon, either.”

“Screw the flashdrive,” Sam muttered and left as fast as he could. Dean didn't care. He would have his sweet revenge for this later. Clearly, this was all Sam's fault. And he would be sorry he ever stuck his nose in where it didn't belong and told Castiel all of this crap.

“Look,” Dean started, not sure what he was going to say, but desperate to resolve this somehow. If nothing else, just so he and Castiel could get back to what had so far been a pretty damn satisfying experience. And it couldn't have been that bad for Castiel either, since he'd apparently been willing to get it on even after Sam's words of sexual doom.

“Just... talk to me, Cas. I don't get why you're freaking out. It was just a little gunk on your junk! Nothing to blow a fuse over!”

Dean stepped back in surprise when the door was suddenly flung open and Castiel was practically in his face, clearly pissed off. And naked. “No, Dean, you're right, you don't get it!”

“Then fucking tell me!” Dean lunged at the opportunity to yell in Castiel's face. “Because from where I'm standing it's not a big deal! If it bothers you that much, then fine, we'll have a quick wash or move the action to the shower! Pulling the plug like this is a little cruel!”

“Cruel?!” Castiel bellowed. “You want to know what's cruel, Dean?! Cruel is finally getting what you didn't even know you wanted, only to have it scream your inadequacies in your face!”

Dean blinked in the face of Castiel's rage and shook his head in confusion. “Sorry, you lost me...”

Castiel breathed hard and ran his hands through his already wild hair, making him look slightly insane. And he was still naked. But Dean pretty much forgot about that detail when Castiel deflated and leaned heavily against the wall next to the bathroom door.

“I'm human, Dean. I no longer have anything to offer you that someone else cannot provide just as easily. You would do better to find someone who isn't liable to fall to pieces every time nature calls.”

“Now hang on just one damn minute-” Dean protested, but Castiel was clearly just getting started.

“It's disgusting! I knew, logically, when I let myself fall, that this would be something I would have to deal with, but it's proving more difficult than I expected. It's filthy and vile, and potentially passing on all sorts of unpleasant diseases. And it's utterly unavoidable,” Castiel trailed off morosely.

Dean stared at him with shocked disbelief. “I'm gonna kill Sam. I'm gonna kill him.”

“Dean,” Castiel admonished, but this time, Dean didn't let him continue.

“No, Cas! This time you listen to me!” He was gratified to see Castiel snap his mouth shut and apparently settle in for whatever Dean had to say. As a reward for that, he lowered the volume of his rant just enough for the rest of the motel not to get an earful.

“First of all, no! I can't just go find someone else. Jesus Christ, Cas! I know I'm not big on declarations, but goddammit, if you think what we have is around every corner, then you're an idiot! And as for the rest... this isn't a fucking third world country! We have plumbing, showers and health care! The chances of actually catching anything life threatening are astronomical!”

Castiel merely blinked at him, so Dean bowled on.

“So yeah, I'm gonna kill Sam for making you think that sex will be what kills you, rather than me being a total pushover and letting you go hunting with us. Jesus.”

Dean finally ran out of things to say and for a long moment, the silence between them was tense. Eventually, Castiel cleared his throat and said quietly: “I'm sorry I... pulled the plug.”

“Don't worry about it,” Dean replied awkwardly.

“This is all still very new to me,” Castiel explained. “Can you... be patient with me?”

Dean licked his lips and watched with satisfaction how Castiel's Adam's apple bobbed furiously. “Oh, I can do you one better,” he grinned. “See, I happen to be a very flexible guy.”

He stepped into Castiel's personal space and only just stopped before their chests touched. “As much as I love the whole fucking part, there is so much more we can do. And I think you'll be surprised at just how... creative I can be.”

Castiel heaved a shuddering sigh and Dean mentally congratulated himself on his seduction technique. And when Castiel finally closed the distance between them so they could get back on track, Dean wasted no time in proving that he wasn't all talk. Not even close.

End.