Link to this fic on Livejournal.
Title: Jodie's Hair.
Author: Lady Drace / Minna Hermansen.
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: If you have a problem with same sex relationships, then please don't read.
Beta: Ain't got one. Feel free to point out any really awful mistakes.
Feedback: Yes please.
Disclaimer: All the characters in here are fictional. Any resemblance to anyone you might know is a case of bad luck.
Summary: John is rejected and gives up on love, until he finds it again in a very unexpected way.
It all started when Jodie cut her hair.
Ever since we were toddlers, Jodie and I had been best friends. Jodie's silver-blonde hair came down to her waist, because her mother seemed to think that was the only look acceptable for girls. As a kid, looks couldn't matter less to me, and if it weren't for Jodie's mom, she had probably felt the same way. Being pals and all, gender wasn't a big issue with us. I was still best friends with Jodie, even after I discovered 'the fair sex'. It just wasn't the same with her. But then came that faithful day.
Jodie had been sent to the barbers for a slight trim, and had been given her usual strict orders on how little length would be tolerated. But on this particular day, the old barber who ran the shop wasn't in for some reason, and Jodie managed to persuade the poor young girl in training as a hairdresser, to cut off all of that long hair. Her mother had a fit of astronomical proportions, when Jodie came home with a boy-short haircut. But her wailing and crying could not bring the locks back, and after several furious phone calls to the barber and even more yelling at Jodie, she was finally allowed out of the house to show off the shameful hairdo.
When I saw her I was stunned. I was too young to know it then, but later when I think back, her hair was set in a style much like the 20's boy-ish starlets. That aside, I thought she looked absolutely stunning, and that was the first time it ever really came home to me that Jodie was a girl. Other girls was at that point still only mildly interesting to me. Well as mildly as the word goes in a period of raging hormones.
But from the day Jodie cut her hair, I was hooked. Absolutely hooked. I followed her everywhere to the point of irritation to her. On top of that I went from being casual and natural around her, to being tongue-tied and stammering. Of course this meant that she ultimately didn't enjoy my company much anymore. She started avoiding me and by the end of that same summer, our friendship was a thing of that past. You might say that it was the haircut that drove us apart. But I never forgot Jodie, and I still followed her around a lot. Although now it was usually from a distance, as she generally fled very fast when I said 'Hi' or something.
At fourteen I was still so madly head over heals in love with Jodie, that all other girls seemed to loose their appeal. They were nothing to Jodie. Even through the next couple of years, when Jodie was doing one teenage rebellion after another, and ended up looking like something from another dimension, I still only had eyes for her. However, eventually it became so painful to hunger so badly for someone who never returned my feelings, that I accepted when my parents gently suggested that I attended high school somewhere away from home.
I applied for a place in another state and never really moved back. Later I found my own apartment in the same city as my college and it felt more like home than anything had done in a while. But my mind was still on Jodie. In school I earned a reputation as being either gay and in the closet or a study freak, since it was no secret that I never dated or went to parties. After all at that stage in life, parties are largely meant for meeting dates, which made no sense for me. As Jodie wouldn't be there, why go at all. But love would find me of course. Although not all all as I thought it would.
I was in the middle of a larger written paper, and that day I decided to treat myself to a little sun and air at my favorite coffee shop. So I sat outside in the sun right next to the door and scribbled notes when something caught my attention. A sort of flutter at the edge of my range of vision. I rubbed my eyes, thinking I had been reading too long when I saw it again. I turned to look into the dimmer light of the coffeeshop and my eyes immediately found the flutter.
It was a dress. A white knee-long dress with some delicate flowery pattern. It was made of some very light material that made it wave at the edges in the light breeze. But I forgot all about the dress when I saw what was in it. It was a girl. But not just any girl. She was probably the most beautiful thing on the whole damn planet. And at that point I hadn't even seen her face yet, as she was leaning against the counter with her back to me giving her order.
From her white strapped shoes to her sleek short chestnut hair, she was in my opinion the very image of feminine beauty. Her haircut brought back the memory of Jodie's the day she cut it and gave all the more sweetness to the whole situation. I was hoping she would never turn around. That time would stop at that very moment, so I could just sit there and gaze at complete beauty forever more. But of course time had to go on sometime and after a blissfully long moment, she got her coffee and turned around.
I was ogling her with no power to control myself and she fixed her blue eyes on me with a bewildered look. She had something about her. I couldn't quite figure what it was. Something exotic maybe? No, something special. Something that I had seen in no other girl before. Not even Jodie as far as my memory could tell me. But no matter what it was, her front matched her back absolutely perfect. She was so beautiful I forgot to breathe and gasped for air when I heard her talk to me.
"Excuse me, do I have a stain on my dress or something?"
Her voice was deep and mellow and she smiled with a wonderful twinkle in her eye. And after a few seconds I realized that I'd better say something. Sadly, the only thing I managed to stutter out while still gasping for air was:
"Uuuh... n-no."
She looked like she was about to turn away when she suddenly asked:
"Hey, do you mind if I sit here?" pointing to the other chair at my table.
"Uh yeah, sure!" I gibbered and hastily scooped my books and notes together to make room for her cup.
Still transfixed by her I just sat there with my things clutched to my chest, and she looked like she was trying not to laugh. Thank God she then decided she better take action, or I might have sat there in a trance for the rest of the day.
"So, what's your name?"
It woke me up a little and I roughly stuffed my books into my bag and stuck out my hand.
"John. John T-townsend".
She shook my hand with a firm grip.
"I'm Olivia Burnett. Nice to meet you."
Thankfully she maintained some sort of conversation, because I was completely tongue-tied and nervous. So I thank some higher power that she was willing to look past that and try to connect anyway. When her cup was empty, she rose to leave. I was close to a panic, when she took my hand and fished out a pen from her handbag. She scribbled her number on my palm with a wonderful tickle and said:
"Call me" before she crossed the street and left me there.
My coffee was cold and my head was spinning. What on earth was that? I never even knew creatures like this existed. Olivia. Wow. For the first time in years, Jodie was driven completely from my mind. Where Jodie had been dangerous and exiting, Olivia was a classic sorta person. Classic beauty, classic manners and God a wonderful look in her eyes. I sat there for the rest of the day, lost in daydreaming of my lovely Olivia.
In the evening I screwed up the courage to call her. She sounded almost relived to hear from me as if she didn't really expect it. I wondered at it, for who would not want to call such a beauty? But I managed creditably well to invite her out to lunch the following day and had to restrain myself violently not to call her again and again all night. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I could only think of her.
The following day I was an hour early at the restaurant and I think I must have been occasion to general amusement sitting at the table for so long sweating with the flowers in my hand. I had bought her some roses and they were starting to droop from my hot sweaty palms, before she showed up. She wasn't dressed up very much, but I thought she looked even more stunning than the day before and I had to gather my strength before my voice came back. I managed to compliment her looks, give her the flowers and pull out her chair for her without embarrassing myself too much and the lunch went well.
The lunch became dinner, and early night had arrived before we left the restaurant and made our way to her home. She lived close by, so I walked her home in the warm summer breeze, not believing my luck in being with such a stunning beauty. To my great wonder however, some people seemed overly rude to her. Staring and pointing occurred several times on the short way home and as we turned into her street some old guy looked at her with what looked like disgust and said "Freak!" right in her face and walked off in another direction. She seemed only slightly put off by this and continued the conversation like it didn't happened. I was stunned and couldn't help but ask:
"What the hell was that for?"
She looked a bit sad.
"Well, some people are just prejudiced I guess".
I was totally lost.
"Why would they be? What's there be prejudiced about? You are such a beautiful girl!"
For some odd reason, this seemed to stun her and she froze on the sidewalk staring at me.
"You think I'm...?" she started and tears welled up in her eyes.
I wondered if she had serious self esteem problems or something, because I just couldn't belive this fantastic looking woman was never told how gorgeous she was. I tried to put my arm around her to comfort her, but she pulled away.
"What's the matter Olivia? Have I done something wrong?"
The question just seemed to make her cry even more and tears were leaking down her cheeks. She drew a deep shivering breath and said:
"This was a mistake. A huge mistake. I just thought..."
A sob cut her off and I was in agony from seeing her pain.
"Olivia, please tell me what's the matter. I'm sure we can figure it out together."
She took a step away from me and looked me right in the eye.
"You don't know me."
Then she turned and ran away. I just stood there like an oaf, not knowing what to do. What had happened? It was the most wonderful night of my life and I had thought she had enjoyed herself too. And now this? I didn't understand anything. After standing there looking stupid for a while, I made my way home.
The next day I sent her flowers with a card begging for forgiveness for whatever mistake I could have made. I got no answer and after 3 days of painful waiting and listening to the phone not being answered, I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to see her and find out what the hell had gone wrong. I went to her apartment and was on the brink of knocking, when something caught my eye.
The mailbox next to the door had a weird error. It said: Oliver Burnett. I wondered a bit why she didn't change it as it was obviously a mistake, but I was too focused on my purpose, so I knocked and waited. No answer. At one point I thought I heard movement inside, but nobody came to the door. So either she wasn't home, or she didn't want to see me. I knocked several times before I gave up, but still I couldn't bring myself to go home. So I just sat on the stair to the next floor a few feet from her door and waited. I hardly knew for what.
A while later, an old lady poked out her head from the door opposite to Olivia's. She saw me waiting and asked with a smile:
"Excuse me, you haven't seen Oliver today, have you?"
I shook my head.
"No sorry, I've never met him."
I assumed now that Oliver was her brother or something. The old lady smiled and sighed.
"Oh well. He said he'd be home today. I'm going out you see, and he promised to watch my cat while I was out. He doesn't like to be alone and Oliver has such a nice touch with animals."
I suggested we knock again, as I wasn't quite sure nobody was home, but the old lady refused.
"If he doesn't come to the door I'm sure he's not home."
At this point however, Olivia's door opened and there she was. Not in her dress today, but in a t-shirt and jeans. I couldn't help but notice she was very flat chested today, but that didn't matter to me. So what? I hope that wasn't what upset her.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Hollis, I fell asleep and didn't hear you knock."
The old lady smiled.
"Well technically I didn't. This young man here did."
Olivia looked at me like I was air.
"Oh. Well just send Willie in and I'll watch him like I promised."
I stood there stunned. Her crying had been awful and the wonder about her not answering had been just as bad. But her ignoring me was worse. I felt like a ton of bricks fell to the pit of my stomach as the old lady fetched her cat and they said their goodbyes without Olivia looking at me once. The old lady was back in her apartment and Olivia was about to close the door when she hesitated. She poked out her head with a disbelieving look on her face and asked:
"You really don't know why I don't wanna see you anymore?"
I shook my head with a face I'm sure said it all.
"Oh well, come in then. I guess I owe you an explanation."
I followed her into her dim hallway. It was a small apartment, but very cozy. And my immediate impression was: 'wow, this really is a girl's apartment'. It was tastefully decorated and everything was meant for comfort or beauty. But my focus was on Olivia as she turned in to the living room and offered me a seat on her couch. She acted the hostess and offered me coffee, which I refused. I would much rather talk. Right now. I couldn't bear not knowing what I'd done. She sat down in an armchair and looked at me with that disbelief still in her eyes.
"You really don't know?"
I stared at her.
"No!"
She sighed heavily.
"Ok, listen. What do you think when you look at me?"
I swallowed and felt I was on very thin ice. But I wanted so badly to clear this up, so I said what was on my mind.
"That you are the most insanely drop-dead beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life."
She looked down.
"Most of it may well be true, but you got it wrong on one crucial point."
I was completely lost and my face showed it. She raised her eyebrows at my blank expression.
"Didn't you see what it said on the mailbox?"
I frowned a little without catching on.
"Yeah, but that's just a weird error isn't it? Or does your brother live here too?"
She laughed her wonderful soft laugh again, but I was so saddened by the tone which all to clearly told me there was something I wasn't getting.
"Didn't you hear what Mrs. Hollis called me?"
"Yes but..." and then it hit me...
"Uhm... is she old and demented? She can't possible confuse you for a guy??"
Even as I said it I got the feeling that I was the one who was horribly wrong. Olivia gave me a hard look and I felt sweat starting to form on my brow.
"But you're not... you can't be..."
I felt like I had dropped into another dimension where everything was turned upside down. Olivia had tears in her eyes when she spoke again.
"Well now you know, and I hope you see now why we can't be together."
The only thing on my mind at that instant was that I would never see her again. And it hit me in the stomach like a punch. I jumped up from the couch and started pacing the room.
"No no no no, this can't be the way it ends!"
Olivia gave me an angry look.
"Well then, are you gay?"
I stopped pacing.
"I.. don't think so..."
She cut me off.
"Could you have sex with a guy?"
The harsh questions felt like buckets of ice water thrown in my face.
"I don't know."
She was now really upset and her cheeks glowed red from her frustration. Even in the horror of the situation, I thought she looked absolutely beautiful.
"Can you take a guy home to your mother and introduce him as your boyfriend? Can you sleep in the same bed with a guy every night? Can you marry a guy?!"
She almost screamed the last thing at me. I just stood there frozen to the spot not knowing what to say. Could I? I really didn't know. But I wasn't gonna give up Olivia. So I took a deep breath and tried to convey my thoughts to her.
"Look Olivia, I don't know about all those things, ok? All I know is that you are the best thing that ever happened to me, so give me a chance please! Give me a chance to figure this out! We can figure it out together, I'm sure of it."
Olivia obviously didn't believe any of it, because she started barking at me again.
"Right ok, so you're gonna try me on like a pair of pants, and if the price isn't right, I'm back on the rack! Is that it?!"
I was gibbering again.
"N-no no, that's not what I meant!"
She jumped to her feet and looked like she was about to explode.
"Then what did you mean, huh??"
She stomped around ranting on and snarling at the walls.
"Maybe I'm just stupid enough to think there are decent guys in this world at all! I'm not asking that damn much! Just a nice guy to buy me flowers and take me out once in a while!"
I commented her rant without thinking.
"I thought I already did..."
Olivia froze and stared at me. Then she seemed to deflate and sat heavily down on the couch. She chuckled a little and hid her face in her hands.
"Great. Just great. When I finally meet a guy willing to date me as I am, and treat me like I've always wanted, he only does it because he thinks I'm a girl. Great."
I quietly sat down on the couch next to her.
"Well I still think of you as a girl. You look like a girl to me."
She leaned back on the couch and threw her head on to the back of it.
"Well then I might have been just a little too successful. I don't want to be a girl, but I love pretending to be one. And I feel much like one. But the way my body is... it's still me. And I'm not gonna change it."
I could see a tear trickling down her cheek and I couldn't help it. I reached out and stroked her hair. She sighed and closed her eyes. Then she suddenly pulled away and stared wildly at me.
"No, I'm not gonna do that, unless I know you're serious."
Now it was my turn to have my head in my hands.
"Please don't torture me like this! I just wanna be with you! I don't see why I can't just do that? You're still Olivia to me."
I didn't look at her, but she was very quiet. I could feel her move on the couch and then felt her arm over my back. I sat up and looked at her. She was crying even more now.
"Are you really willing to try it out? And... you're not... disgusted or anything?"
She looked like she hardly dared hearing the answer and I wanted to set her heart at rest so I put my arms around her and pulled her close. Then I whispered in her ear:
"Of course I'm not. As long as you keep the toilet seat up!"
She practically screamed with laughter and relief and when I went home later that night, I was elated. Confused but happy. Olivia was mine. She was a guy, but she was mine.
I dated her properly for a pretty long time. Mostly because I thought she deserved it, but it also gave me a little time to figure things out. Even if it turned out I couldn't do the whole gay thing, then at least I wanted to give her some great times. And when I was with her, I was never aware of it. It seemed like a minor issue really. And it turned out to be just that. A year later we moved in together. My parents took it very well and Olivia's family were thrilled that she finally met a decent guy after a lot af deadbeats.
When taking Olivia home to meet my parents, we ran into Jodie. Her hair was long again and she was pregnant. Olivia got very nervous when she saw her, as I had told her of my former feelings for Jodie, but I felt nothing but joy at seeing her again and I congratulated her with the baby and her seemingly decent husband and she was thrilled that I had finally found someone.
"So I can get a little peace" she joked.
I had come full circle and ended up in a place I never imagined. But I liked it. In fact... I loved it.
The End