Title: Cardassian Courtship
Series: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Pairings: Garak/Bashir
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 10.494
Warnings: Uhm... sex? Like you need a warning... ;o)
Beta: PrelocAndKanar did a quick grammar check. All mistakes are still mine, though.
Feedback: Yes please.
Disclaimer: I don't own any sex-oozing Cardassians or puppy-dog-cute Doctors. Or even the concepts thereof. *sigh* Not mine. At all. Oh I only wish.
Summary: Bashir suddenly connects some dots.
Link to this fic on Livejournal and Dreamwidth.
***
This fic is also available as a podfic.
Read by: me.
Duration: 66:08 mins.
***
* * *
Dr. Julian Bashir was exhausted. It had been the longest week he could remember for a fair few years, and he was very relieved that it was finally over. A whole week of mind-numbingly boring lectures and conferences was too much even when it was conducted by some of the greatest medical minds in the galaxy. As much of an honor as it was to be invited to this gathering as such a young doctor, Julian felt he could very well have done without it.
As he took his seat in the transport shuttle behind two young Cardassian women, he felt his eyelids go heavy almost immediately. Well... he had a five hour trip ahead of him back to the space station, so he had plenty of time for a nap if he liked. But just as he felt himself teetering on the edge of sleep, he was jarred out of it by one of the Cardassian women in front, who was addressing her companion in a rather carrying voice, at least to his enhanced sense of hearing. He frowned and tried to ignore her, but it proved impossible. After about ten minutes of general gossip about Gul this and Legate that, he was just about to lean forwards to kindly ask the young ladies to keep their voices down when the conversation took a turn that made him completely forget about sleep.
“... and would you believe it, then he introduced himself?! I knew who he was of course, but we hadn't been formally introduced. I can't tell you how flattered I was. I mean even my father didn't introduce himself to my mother, despite all the tales she has told me about how desperately he pursued her!”
“Are you serious?! See, I told you that dress did all the right things for your figure! What did you do?”
The girl blushed a dark grey on the slice of neckridge that was visible to Bashir from the seat behind, and lowered her voice just a little.
“Well... have you seen him? I mean he's gorgeous! So how could I refuse him? We had lunch.”
The raptures of the friend went on for quite a while about the gestures of the apparently very eager Cardassian suitor her companion had been so fortunate to encounter. The doctor was very intrigued. Cardassians very rarely volunteered information about their social rituals to anyone outside their own circle, and considering how vague Garak was about practically any questions Julian asked, he was willing enough to endure quite a bit of girlish gossip to learn just a little more about Cardassian culture. In this case, courtship.
“...and then, would you believe it, he started complaining about how my dress was too bold and improper for a young woman, so of course I made him aware of the fact that it had indeed succeeded in capturing his attention. You should have seen him, he was ready to explode...”
Her voice dropped a fraction more, so Julian had to strain his ears a little to catch her next words.
“I swear, had we not been in a public place, I think he would have proposed right there!”
“Oh my! You're just so lucky! Why does that never happen to me?”
“As I've told you before, you need to be more aggressive! Humiliate him good and proper. You're too soft, I've always told you so...”
Julian was fascinated. His mind was in overdrive comparing mental notes of mating rituals of other species. Similar to the Klingons, Cardassians apparently got their romantic vibe from hostility, albeit of a more verbal kind. The doctor concluded that a good argument was the way to go if you wanted to win your Cardassian sweetheart, and this seemed to apply to both genders.
“...oh, and I haven't even told you the best part yet! When he left, he sort of slid behind my chair and put his hand on my shoulder!”
Her friend barely contained herself and gasped loudly enough to cover her own mouth and glance around the shuttle for anyone staring. Julian made sure to look out the window, while still listening intently.
“You're joking! In public?!”
“I swear, it's all true! And he said he would contact my father as soon as he was back on Cardassia! Oh, Denya, he's wonderful! I really hope father likes him and allows me to see him again, even though he didn't wait for formal introductions.”
Julian pondered this for a while. He hadn't gotten the impression that Cardassians were so bound by rules in courting, but then again, it might have something to do with status. The girls were obviously rather well off, judging by their very expensive clothing and jewelry. Lunches with a tailor for years hadn't gone by without teaching the doctor a thing or two about fashion and luxury clothing. Maybe it was required in higher circles to conduct yourself with more care. He already knew from experience that scandals had brought down more than enough Cardassian politicians over time, so it made sense really.
The women spent most of the journey debating the virtues of the particular young man. Apparently he was in the military and a very promising candidate for promotion to Glinn very soon. And judging by the women's reactions to his courting, Julian could only assume he was violently infatuated with the lucky lady. And contacting her parents? He must have more than simply carnal desires for her, then.
Julian did consider for a moment asking Garak about the class differences of Cardassian society, but considering how many lies he had been subjected to in the past, the odds of getting a truthful answer seemed rather slim. But he might bring it up anyway at their next lunch. Garak was always particularly animated when the talk turned to Cardassian culture, and as frustrating as he could be, it hadn't escaped Julian that Garak was at his happiest when discussing his home world. So he supposed a few hours of annoying subterfuge was a small price to pay, to ensure some small pleasure for his friend. And the banter always reached the best peaks when the discussions got animated, thereby also providing Julian with plenty of entertainment.
It was always a diverting challenge to find ways to get under the Cardassian's skin, even though Garak had the upper hand nine times out of ten. But then again, that made the victory so much sweeter when it did happen. He might still be a novice on Cardassian norms, but he did know Garak rather well by now, and was feeling more and more equal to the intricate jabs at his intellect he was subjected to at every single lunch.
Julian smiled as he thought back to their last lunch, right before he left for the week. He had gotten a particularly cutting remark across and Garak had been too infuriated through the rest of the lunch to even attempt a reply. But Julian knew him well enough to not be surprised when he was bidden farewell at the airlock later by a perfectly friendly Garak. Their next lunch the following day would no doubt be challenging, as Garak must have been spending the week planning how to get the upper hand again. Oh well. It was all in good fun.
Julian did begin to wonder if some of Garak's ideas were rubbing off on him. He could easily remember how confused and somewhat hurt he had felt at the first many of Garak's insults, but as they had never parted with hostility, he had always kept coming back out of intense curiosity. By now it was second nature to him to expect a heated argument at least once a week... and even to look forward to it.
These thoughts kept his mind busy until he arrived at Deep Space Nine. It was late by station time, so it would fit perfectly if he turned in immediately. The Promenade was all but empty as he made his way to his quarters. Rubbing his eyes and yawning, he failed to notice that the lights were still on in Garak's closed shop and that the man himself was in the window, rearranging the displayed items.
When he spotted the doctor passing by, his face lit up and he immediately dropped what he was holding to bolt out of the door and catch him before he was many steps away.
“Doctor! How nice to see you back again. I trust you had a pleasant trip?”
Julian jumped a little at the voice right behind him, but smiled nevertheless when he recognized his friend.
“Hello, Garak. Well... to be honest, it was terribly boring.”
The very familiar expression of mock outrage appeared instantly on the tailor's face.
“Boring?! You've spent a full week in the company of brilliant minds in your very own field, and you found it boring? I thought you said it was an honor even to be there?”
Julian yawned again and adjusted the strap of the bag over his shoulder.
“An honor yes... but that didn't make it any less boring listening to dusty old professors with about as much charisma as one of your clothing racks.”
Garak rolled his eyes.
“Really, what is it with humans and disrespect for their elders? On Cardassia, young people listen when the older and more experienced talk. It's a sign of respect and let's face it, the greatest advantage of advanced age is the wisdom of experience, so there is an obvious reason to listen and learn, obvious even for a dimwitted human – no offence. Frankly I'm disappointed to find that you didn't take advantage of the unique opportunity to learn directly from so many of your elders.”
Julian yawned again, and decided that he would leave the rest of this otherwise entertaining debate until their next lunch.
“Garak... it's late and I'm very tired. I promise, you can spend the whole of our next lunch lecturing me about proper respect for my elders, but right now I really need some sleep. So... see you at the replimat tomorrow?”
Garak sighed in that overbearing way that clearly said he considered the doctor very inconsiderate, but he was still perfectly polite when he wished the doctor goodnight and gently squeezed his shoulder as a parting gesture.
Julian turned away smiling and proceeded towards his quarters. He was struck by the memory of the very first time he had met Garak. How he had introduced himself and played all surprised when Julian stammered out the rumors he had already heard of the Cardassian spy. The mock offended face had been the same. He had been so nervous. He had been so sure that Garak had wanted to milk him of all the Starfleet secrets he didn't know anyway. He remembered with a grin how shocked he had been when Garak had put his large, warm hands on his shoulders as he left...
Suddenly his heart stopped. He froze in his tracks and promptly dropped everything he was carrying. He felt like his mind had suddenly decided to have a major meltdown, as the new information of the day coupled with memories and suddenly formed dizzying new patters.
No no no no no.... it couldn't be... he couldn't have...
As much as he felt the world suddenly turning inside out, his brain wouldn't let him ignore the facts that suddenly made all too much sense.
Informal introduction... aggressive debates... hands on shoulders... Julian felt his knees turn to jelly and reached out for the bulkhead for support. No... no, he was being silly. He was jumping to conclusions here. He was sure Garak had introduced himself to people before...but a voice chirped in his brain: 'Perhaps, but who else caught his eye across a room full of people?'
No. No, Julian was sure he couldn't be the only one exposed to the playful arguing... he strained his mind to the extreme trying to find an instance where he had seen Garak arguing with anyone as he did with him. Playfully, continually, purposely insulting... Come on... there had to be at least one other person...
And then there was the touching. Try as he might, he couldn't think of a single person Garak had ever touched outside of his profession... except maybe that Cardassian kid... but he had also nearly bitten his hand off, so maybe had he sensed on a deeper plane that it was an intimate gesture. Also... hadn't Julian himself jumped at the contact? Hadn't it sent his heart racing with sudden uncertainty? Hadn't he wondered that very same day exactly what the tailor wanted?
His heart was about to pop out of his chest and he suddenly couldn't just stand there anymore. Letting luggage be luggage, he ran full speed back to Garak's shop. But the lights were now out, and the tailor had obviously left for the night. Julian considered simply going to the Cardassian's quarters, but stopped dead in his tracks again. What would he say? 'Hello, Garak, just dropped by to ask if you've been flirting wildly with me for last few years?'. Not only did it sound stupid, but what on earth would happen if he found out it was true? Would Garak try to seduce him? Was that what he was already doing?
Julian got dizzy again, and decided he'd better get back to his quarters. He suddenly felt dead tired. The emotional turmoil was exhausting and he dragged himself back to his quarters, his brain buzzing with new, strange thoughts all the way. And for that exact reason, the sleep he so badly craved eluded him for hours and hours. So many questions... and the worst part was, there was absolutely nobody he could ask. At least nobody who would know... except of course the man himself. Oh, this was insanely frustrating!
It was just so... so... Garak! To make him feel this way and toy with his feelings for his own savage amusement... but then again, he must have noticed along the way that Julian didn't understand the Cardassian flirtation as he never responded... oh dear god... what if that's what he had been doing for years? Returning the flirtatious acts without knowing it? Had he not struggled to give back what Garak did to him? To return the favour and win his little victories. What if Garak had seen it as favorable responses to his advances?
And worse still... he had after only a very short while accepted the - in his eyes - casual caresses of the Cardassian, and even returned them occasionally. Oh God, he had been so stupid! He had from his treatment of a few Cardassians in the infirmary learned early on that the neckridges and shoulders were very sensitive indeed. And here he had been fondling Garak's presumably erogenous zones frequently for years! In public!
Even though he was quite alone in his quarters, he was so embarrassed that he hid his face in his hands and felt his whole body burn from the awkwardness of the whole thing. And how had poor Garak interpreted his responses? Had he unknowingly given his friend hope, where there was none?
After mulling over it for a while his logic took over. If he had been responding favorably, why hadn't Garak made a serious move yet? Some of his signals must have been directly negative, even considering he was a human. If Garak still was encouraged by his actions after years and years of flirting, he would have to be either very much in love to keep waiting for Julian, or he was simply keeping up his advances for amusement while hoping that maybe some day Julian would give in, without really wanting anything but... sex. Either scenario was frightening to say the least.
Ok... there was nothing left to do but prepare for each possible scenario. He could keep things as they were. Garak didn't know about his newfound understanding after all, but given that he still didn't know exactly what Garak deduced from his behaviour, he found it at best a temporary solution.
He could also choose to assume that it was all a huge misunderstanding and simply stop doing things he now knew would be encouraging to his friend. He could tell him what he had learned in a way that wouldn't unsettle Garak too much, and he'd learned enough from his excellent conversational skills to simply wrap up his words in a way that would probably not be too bad. He could try to make it look innocent and pretend he had never noticed the advances from his side. Julian could immediately see a huge hole in that plan. Garak would not be fooled. And he would hide it well, but he would with absolute certainty be either embarrassed or hurt. And neither was acceptable to Julian. It would most likely put an end to their relationship. No. He would not choose that solution unless he saw no other way.
So... that left one last option... so far the most unsettling. He could... simply let Garak... have him. Putting his unease about the idea aside for a minute, he considered it thoroughly. If it was just sex, then their friendship might survive through it. It just might. But if Garak was in love with him... then there was a real problem. Because Julian was most certainly not in love.
Right... so far the most favorable option in all respects was to assume there was no love involved and let himself be seduced. But that lead to another important question. Could he consider Garak an object of sexual interest? The part that he was male was not half as intimidating as the other obvious differences, like race and age. Julian had thought of men before as objects of desire, but had never met one he felt comfortable enough with to go through with anything. He had no doubts at all that Garak would be an excellent lover. He knew him well enough to know that as much sting he had in conversation, just as gentle could his touch be and he would never do anything to genuinely hurt him in any way.
That thought was comforting and Julian finally laid himself back on his bed, letting his eyes go out of focus, while playing out a possible scenario in his mind. He imagined Garak as he always was. Polite, hinting at intimate scenarios. In his mind's eye, Julian let the hand Garak always placed on his shoulder move as if on its own accord. To his neck, gently cradling the back of his head. Fingers running through his hair, stroking his cheek. So far, no real unease. So what if Garak kissed him?
He pictured Garak's face in front of him, moving in, slowly, sensually, before finally capturing his lips in a gentle kiss. Carefully exploring and enjoying. The doctor in him caught the signs before his conscious self connected the dots. He heard himself breathe heavily and felt heat spread dangerously fast on his face and neck. He was just about to get up and check his temperature, when the image of a naked, sweating, panting and moaning Garak sprang into his mind and something easily recognizable sprang to attention quite suddenly. He bolted upright in his bed, shocked at his own reaction.
Well... that was... unexpected to say the least. Maybe it was just the frustrations of the journey manifesting themselves in this way, since Garak was so much present in his mind right then. As an experiment he tried to imagine the naked form of the last woman he had slept with. She had been very hot. No doubt about it. But she had not been relationship material. Thankfully, she had felt the same way. So he had no scruples picturing her flushed face and pliable body under his, as it had been the last time. To his surprise however, his lower body was thoroughly unimpressed.
Hmm. He couldn't remember a time when the image of one of his previous lovers hadn't brought at least a blush to his cheeks. All there was room for in his mind at present seemed to be a certain Cardassian. Oh boy. This was going to be tricky. He resigned himself to facing the thoughts surfacing no matter what he did, so he laid back down and let his mind wander. Predictably, his mind jumped right back to the image of a very aroused Cardassian claiming his body with firm stroking and thrusting.
Before half an hour had passed, Julian had finally admitted defeat and hurriedly stroked himself to completion with his mind as a very willing visual aid. Breathing heavily and feeling horribly sleep deprived, he decided he would sleep on it, and decide what to do in the morning. After all, he was still technically on leave, so he could use his free morning to consider the matter and then talk to Garak at lunch, no matter what he decided. That seemed a fair compromise and he finally dozed off in the early hours of the morning.
Predictably, nothing went as planned. He slept very late, and only barely had time to freshen up before he was to meet Garak at the replimat. So as he made his way to the promenade he was acutely aware that he was utterly unable to conceal his unease. He arrived first and sat at the table fidgeting until his lunch companion showed up. He twitched as soon as he spotted Garak entering the replimat and blushed uncontrollably when the Cardassian smiled at him as usual. The reaction of course didn't go unnoticed and Julian felt himself be perused intently as Garak sat down.
Barely through the initial greetings, Julian had to admit defeat. He couldn't possibly attempt to hide this from Garak. The older man had exceptional observational skills and would probably have picked up that something was amiss, even if Julian had been able to keep a straight face. Which he most certainly wasn't, due to his overactive imagination currently supplying him with images from his earlier fantasy, with the added terrifying bonus of hearing, seeing and smelling the real Garak. But Garak seemed merciful enough to let the subject rest initially and they ate in an atmosphere pretty much like their usual one. Garak had of course taken Julian up on his word and spent a good deal of time lecturing him about the proper respect that should be shown to one's elders.
Sadly, Julian couldn't hide his relief either, as the subject was far from his thoughts, so he was hardly offended. He should have known that his lack of reaction would prompt his companion to try new paths to make him uneasy. And with his usual sharpness, Garak managed to suddenly turn the subject slightly around, to push exactly the buttons that were tender to Julian. He was just chewing the last of his food, when Garak casually remarked that another good reason to respect those older than you, was the obvious fact that older people were more sexually desirable.
Julian choked on his food and through his watering eyes, he just caught a quickly concealed triumphant grin on Garak's face. Oh god. He was doomed.
“My dear doctor, are you alright? I've told you before that it's no good bolting down your food like that.”
Seizing the opportunity of another subject (Garak's favorite insult seemed to be Julian's eating habits) he flared up and immediately offered the offended face Garak wanted to achieve. But alas, he should have known he wouldn't get off so easily.
“There's nothing wrong with the way I eat! I simply eat faster than you. Nothing wrong with that.”
Garak rolled his eyes.
“Nothing wrong indeed. Coming from the man currently coughing his lungs out all over the table. You know, you should just generally slow down. How are you ever going to enjoy anything if you hurry through it? Do you see what I mean about the advantages of age? As you age, you learn to slow down, and consequently derive more pleasure from all the joys life has to offer.”
Julian felt himself blush again, but made a valiant effort.
“So you're saying that you get more pleasure from this food than I do? Is that it?”
Garak smiled wryly and all Julian's alarms went off in his head at the twinkle in Garak's eye. He got the distinct feeling that he had just walked into a trap.
“Alas, this particular meal has little to offer, I fear. I'm sampling the pleasures of human culture, you see, and this... this... stew is simply not to my taste. But I'm convinced that if I keep looking I'll surely find other elements of the human race to satisfy my... tastes.”
The meaningful look at Julian had exactly the calculated effect, and the doctor squirmed in his seat, knowing he was busted. He hadn't been this flustered by Garak's innuendoes since their very first lunch. Well... he supposed he might as well get it over with. It would be wormed out of him soon anyway. He folded his hands on the table and tried to avoid Garak's eyes as he began:
“Look, Garak... we need to talk...”
To his intense surprise however, he was cut off.
“I'm very sorry, doctor, but it seems time has eluded us, and I must return to my shop.”
Julian glanced at the chronometer on the wall, and found it was true. Their lunch hour was actually over. With surprise he watched Garak leave with his usual hints that he would be 'very' welcome in his shop if he wished to talk more.
He couldn't believe how Garak had let him off the hook like that. He could be in no doubt what was on Julian's mind, so why had he let him go? Maybe... maybe Garak didn't want things to change between them? Julian sighed heavily. He couldn't stop the change. It had started the second his brain connected the dots, and now there was no way back. So how to deal with it? Honestly, he had no clue. Mostly because he very much doubted he would ever find out what Garak wanted. If he asked he would probably be served a lie, and even if he didn't, how would he know? The boy who cried wolf and all... And there was no denying it, Garak was a superb liar.
He slowly made his way back to his quarters, planning on reviewing some medical files before his leave was over tomorrow. But when he sat down with the files, he knew it was a lost cause. He was simply too preoccupied. And all of a sudden, something else occurred to him. He had completely forgotten to take his own feelings into consideration. Sure, he 'could' be Garak's lover, but would he want to? Considering his thoughts of the night before, he had to admit that he felt an attraction.
What did he want? He wanted to keep having lunch with his most intellectually stimulating friend, that's what. He didn't want to lose Garak. And frankly he didn't feel like changing his way of interacting with him, even if it bordered on sexual advances. From his very human perspective, the touching was wonderful. For him it felt very natural and Garak's touch had been one of the few things in their relationship he had ever found to be a perfectly clear message. That Garak was indeed fond of him.
So what if he had misunderstood the deeper meaning? Julian suddenly got an intense urge to go the tailor's shop. Not to talk, but to touch. He wanted to feel the touch again, to be confirmed in the warmth of the gesture, and return it with his newfound knowledge. And if their relationship advanced into something more... he still felt very unsure, but he wanted it. He wanted something more, now that he suddenly had the chance to reach out and take it. Was he in love after all? Or was it simply because he was swept off his feet by the apparently very deep affection his friend had shown him for years without his knowledge? Nobody had ever wanted Julian badly enough too keep up advances for so long. Years... years of gestures and teasing suggestions.
And all of a sudden, he knew how he could find out if Garak wanted to advance their relationship. How could he not have seen it before? It was so simple! Garak had told him about it himself (and in this particular case he had a sneaking suspicion it was the truth or very close to it). Body language and actions spoke so much clearer than words and it was a very valid interrogation method. On Cardassia you could even be judged for a crime with no other evidence than your bodily reaction to the right questions. He knew Garak wouldn't betray much, but he had the advantage of knowing him very well, and had great hopes of catching him with his guard down if he just went about it right.
The plan formed rapidly in his mind. And best of all... it was going to be damn fun! With a grin like a giddy schoolboy, he went back to his medical files, while looking forward to their next lunch.
* * *
At their next lunch, Julian was deliberately a few minutes late to make sure that Garak arrived first. And sure enough, the tailor was sitting at a table reading a datapadd to pass the time. Taking a deep breath and hitching just the right face on, Julian made his way slowly to his friend. He sat with his back to him so everything was perfect. The tailor heard his footsteps and made a slight move, as if to turn around, but before he could, Julian stepped up very close behind his friend, and placed both hands deliberately on the warm, scaly shoulders.
Garak hesitated, and Julian couldn't repress a smile. A reaction. Perfect.
“Hello, Garak. I'm sorry I'm late.”
A slight squeeze to the shoulders and then he slowly let go and went to his seat, letting his one hand linger just a little longer on the shoulder nearest to him. As he sat down, Garak's face was rather blank, but he was quite friendly.
“That's perfectly all right, doctor. I was just passing time perusing one of your ghastly love stories again. I thought maybe a second reading would increase my understanding of it, but so far I must confess I've not had much luck.”
How fortunate. This choice of subject would suit Julian's plan perfectly.
“Which one is it?”
Garak placed the padd on the table and pushed it away with a single finger, as if it was uncomfortable even touching it.
“Romeo and Juliet. I'm afraid it's still quite pointless to me.”
They debated their earlier conversations on the very same book as they got their food and returned to the table. After a few mouthfuls, listening to Garak's displeasure with the story, Julian decided there was no time like the present. He laid down his fork and folded his hands in front of him while fixing Garak with a steady gaze.
“Garak, what exactly is your idea of love?”
The Cardassian returned his gaze calmly.
“I'm not sure I understand what you mean?”
“Well, we've discussed poetry, mystery novels and great works of literature for years, but we always seem to get nowhere when our discussions reach the subject of love. I'm starting to wonder if we are simply talking about two entirely different things. So now I thought it was time to ask you about it, to avoid future confusion.”
Garak huffed in a dismissive kind of way.
“Well, your question was rather vaguely put, if you don't mind me saying so. The answer you get depends greatly on what exactly it is you're asking. If, for instance, you're asking about my view of love as a Cardassian and I reply from the assumption that you meant my personal opinion, the answer would not deliver the desired information. You will have to be much more specific.”
Julian chewed the inside of his cheek, considering how to continue.
“Hmm. I see your point. But I think I'll start with your personal perception of love, since my goal was to lessen confusion in our private conversations.”
Julian could have sworn he saw the tailor grin to himself before hitching his confused face back on.
“I'm afraid you're still being very vague, my dear doctor. Love is a thing of many facets. My love for the Empire is very different from my love for... say... poetry. And if you are talking about my most personal thoughts of love, you should perhaps consider the possibility that such things are simply too private to share. So what exactly do you hope to gain by posing such a difficult question in such an unclear manner?”
Tough cookie, eh? Well, Julian was not nearly done yet. But he decided to play along for now and let his frustration show as he always did.
“Garak... sometimes I wonder if you avoid answering my questions, purely for the satisfaction of confusing me.“
This time Garak's smile suddenly looked very sincere.
“Really, doctor, I thought you knew that already. Besides, you must admit that our lunches would not be half as entertaining to you, if you did not still hope to discover I am the Cardassian spy you've accused me of being from the very first time we met. And I must admit that I find great pleasure in watching you try to decide what is a lie and what is not. I'd say we have a mutual interest in keeping things confusing. If I suddenly decided to confess everything, would you not then be bored?“
Julian was pretty thoroughly shocked. How could Garak so quickly and efficiently pinpoint what the conversation was really about? It was so accurate sometimes that it was quite scary. But never mind. If they both knew the game, it was going to be even more fun.
“I don't know. Do you have anything to confess?”
The Cardassian didn't even attempt to hide his wicked grin this time around.
“Of course I do. We have all done things that would warrant a confession to someone. But I fear my confessions would not give you the answers you want.”
Julian had gone so far as practice this next particular facial expression in front of a mirror, to get the exact effect he wanted. So, prepared to read anything his friend's face might reveal, he smiled in a way he would describe as flirtatious, maybe even sexual, and just as a finishing touch, he attempted a rather feminine flirt of bowing his head a little and look at Garak through slightly lowered lashes.
“As interesting as your whole idea of confession might be, you're still avoiding my question. What is your personal view of love? Provided of course, the question is not too... personal.”
Julian could not have asked for a more interesting reaction. The look seemed to take Garak completely by surprise and his jaw dropped the smallest notch before he caught it and then clamped up completely. He was silent for so long that Julian considered asking him if he'd even heard what he said. But instead Julian averted his eyes and took a casual sip of his drink, before returning to his perfectly normal relaxed gaze. When a reply finally arrived it sounded... annoyed? Perhaps. There was certainly a strain to Garak's voice that wasn't there before.
“I thought I explained this to you already. If you ask so vaguely, you must expect a vague answer in return.”
Making his exasperated sigh so pronounced that it pretty much sounded as fake as it was, Julian pretended to be ready to give up as usual.
“Fine! Let me hear a vague answer then.”
Garak flared up in his very familiar way, that usually showed how much he was enjoying the argument when it turned to half hidden insults and insinuations.
“Oh please! Would you really forsake all concerns of accuracy, simply to have some blurred image of my opinion, on which to base your perception of me? Would you display an incomplete mosaic, simply because you have found one small piece? You know as well as I do, that the mosaic will never be complete, and you will never even begin to glimpse the big picture before you have gathered many many more pieces.”
Time for one more nudge. This time Julian's face stayed calm, but he let his voice drop to a slow, husky murmur he usually only used in bed with a particularly arousing companion. His voice was practically oozing sex.
“So... what you're saying is... I need to start small?”
Obviously utterly unprepared for another body language attack so soon, Garak's jaw dropped completely this time and his eyes searched his companion's face with unconcealed wonder. The cogs were obviously spinning very fast, trying to gauge his friend's intentions. It took a very pronounced swallow and a small cough before Garak could resume.
“That... might be advisable, yes...”
Reverting to his usual voice and manner, Julian took up the conversation again as if nothing had happened.
“All right. Answer me this then. What is the first word that comes into your mind when I say the word love? One simple word, that's gotta be small enough.”
Garak looked very suspicious, but his voice was the same mockingly insulting as always.
“Would you really have me define all my views on love in one word? Doctor, have mercy on a poor tailor...”
“No, that's not what I asked for. The first word. The very first. I don't expect it to be any kind of truth. Simply a word. A word connected to your perception of love, and maybe we can start from that point. When I feel that word has become a reasonably fitting piece of the mosaic, I will ask you what the second word that enters your mind is. I will not give this up, no matter how much you manipulate my words.”
Again Garak looked genuinely surprised, but this time he seemed content letting it show. Either that, or he had caught on to Julian's game and had already turned the tables. A warm smile appeared and he leaned forwards just a little.
“Weeeell. Looks like I managed to teach you something after all, Doctor Bashir.”
The leaning in didn't escape Julian and he kept the steam up now that the debate was going in the direction he had hoped for.
“First word please.”
Garak's voice dropped, as if he didn't want the next table to hear, which was of course a possibility, but by now Julian was positive that Garak was catching on to his game. He would have to be ready.
“Very well. 'Selflessness'.”
Not a word he would have expected, but with Garak, the trick was to expect the unexpected. Julian followed suit and let his voice drop to 'confidential' level.
“Oooh, tricky. But then again, maybe not. You could be referring to the willingness to sacrifice your own needs for a lover. Or for your Empire perhaps. And yet, it might be even simpler. It might be the simple fact that love for someone or something shifts your focus away from yourself.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, Julian was sure the tables had been suddenly turned on him. Garak was now openly staring at him, and very pointedly licked his lips in a suggestive way that made the doctor sweat nervously like he hadn't in years. Oh darn. Keep it together. If he lost it now, he would never know anything. He would have to gamble.
“Oh my, you have been an attentive student, haven't you? And since the goal here is to achieve greater mutual understanding, then perhaps I may ask the same thing of you? Your first word?”
Perfect. Garak had apparently decided to take the bait. Now, would he let himself be caught, or would he evade at the last minute?
“Certainly. 'Passion'.”
Julian whispered out the last word, lacing it with as much sex as could possibly be woven into a single word. Garak was now on to him, and didn't let any reaction show. Instead he treated it like a relaxed debate on just about any subject.
“Very good, doctor. Passion can apply to partners, activities or subjects. A very informative first word there. But it's hardly a surprise that you value passion in love. It's no secret that you are a very passionate man, Doctor Bashir.”
Time to go for broke. Keeping his voice husky and his manner inviting he put in the finishing touch.
“I suppose not. I put my heart and soul in everything I love. My job. My friends. My lovers. When I see something I like, I must have it now. Not in another week.”
With that, he rose from the table, leaving his lunch all but untouched. Stopping beside Garak, he laid his hand on the upper arm of his companion and slowly let it slide to the shoulder for a firm squeeze that wrenched a little intake of breath from the Cardassian and even from the side his stunned face was quite visible.
“I have to go back to the infirmary now, but I'm really quite tired. I think I'll go to my quarters soon and have an early night.”
And with that open invitation, he left Garak sitting with the remains of lunch and looking quite out of breath. Now it was all up to Garak. Oh he would have his revenge for this like everything else, of that Julian had no doubt. But at least Julian would know if Garak showed up at his quarters tonight... he would know.
* * *
The hours passed along in excruciating doubt in the doctor's quarters. Would he have a visitor or not? And more importantly, what would happen if Garak did show up? Julian prepared himself to wing it from there.
The doorchime went off, making him practically squeak with shock. Fidgeting and sweating, he answered the door. He couldn't decide if the sight of Garak was more a relief or a shock, but he was dizzyingly happy to see the tailor outside the door. Garak did want him. The thought made him warm and tingling from head to toe, until he realized that his guest did not look happy. At all. On the contrary, he looked absolutely livid with barely contained fury. Garak indeed looked ready to kill whoever offended him first, so Julian kept his mouth shut, sincerely worried about what reaction he might trigger if he spoke. So he settled for simply stepping aside and let Garak stomp past him into his quarters.
His bewilderment only increased as Garak kept stomping back and forth in apparent violent agitation. Had he stepped so thoroughly in it that he had seriously offended his friend? No. He wouldn't be here at all if he was really offended. But on the other hand, Julian had never seen Garak look as angry as this. And knowing all too well how strong the Cardassian was by nature, he thought it best not to provoke any reaction, that might lead to violent outbursts.
Finally Garak stopped pacing and fixed Julian with a withering stare. It was so intense that the doctor had to fight to suppress a sudden desire to run for cover.
“Doctor Bashir.... you are without comparison the most arrogant bastard of a human I've ever had the misfortune to meet!”
Absolutely tongue tied, Julian simply stood there with wide open eyes, unsure of what to make of his friend's outburst.
“You claim to know me and, dare I say it, even like me, and still you decide to put me through such a humiliating spectacle! I can't believe you would ever do that to me!”
Oh God... he really HAD stepped in it...
“I'm... I'm sorry...”
Wrong reply. Very wrong.
“Sorry..? You're SORRY?! Oh, my dear doctor, if you think I will let you walk away with a pathetic excuse after what you put me through today, you are sorely mistaken! You know, I never thought you had it in you to be so cruel. And after all I've tried to teach you about respect for those of more age and experience than yourself, you simply go ahead and make an absolute fool of the silly, old Cardassian!”
“I.. I was just trying to... ”
“Trying to do what exactly? Make me look foolish? Toy with my feelings? Or even worse, try to seduce me so you could have your night with the ageing alien spy?! In either case I don't appreciate it. You can take your depraved sexual needs elsewhere, thank you!”
Depraved... what was he talking about? As Garak seemingly tried to kill him by looks alone, Julian was thoroughly confused. This made no sense. Garak had come to him, and still he seemed about to explo...
Suddenly it made terrifyingly much sense! If Cardassian gentle lunch flirting was what humans considered a heated debate, then serious advances would probably be nothing short of a screaming, flailing argument in Julian's eyes. And Garak was still simply standing there, murder in his eyes, apparently waiting for him to respond. So this was the game. And it was far too late to back out.
Taking a deep breath, Julian steeled himself for 'combat' and drew himself up to his most impressive height.
“Who are you calling depraved, you old moth eaten tailor?! If you actually think I wanted anything to do with a slack, old sack of stale kanar like you, then you are the one sorely mistaken!”
Garak suddenly grabbed him hard by the shoulders and kneaded them roughly while yelling him in the face.
“You presumptuous little tease! Giving just enough encouragement to keep me coming back for years, and then simply shutting down as soon as I make a serious move! Well, no more! I'll teach you to regret the day you had the idiotic idea of making a fool of Elim Garak!”
Nose to nose, Julian snarled at his aggressive companion.
“Go ahead! Gimme your best shot, you sorry excuse for a Cardassian...”
And then he was being kissed. It was absolutely nothing like he imagined. It was rough, bordering on violent. A battle for dominance. And he liked it. His shoulders protested to the vice-like grip of the grey hands and he felt his teeth scraping harshly against Garak's. His blood was pounding in his ears with the ancient instinctive fight or flight reaction awakened by the painful grip. But at the same time, he felt a serious tingle of pleasure at the feeling of the hard body pressed tightly against his own, pushing him against the cold wall behind him.
He was tempted to simply give in and be dominated, but somehow he realized that was not what Garak wanted. So he put up a fight. He tried to walk the line gently at first, but it was only a matter of seconds before he was pinned so thoroughly he was forced to fight in earnest to be able to breathe. Hoping he wouldn't hurt his companion, he finally resorted to pinching the sensitive neckridges hard, which had the desired effect of slacking the grip enough for him to twist out of the painful embrace.
Gasping for breath and feeling a very insistent thumping in his sore shoulders, he did his best to keep at a distance from the incensed older man slowly advancing on him.
“Ah, the child learns...”
Julian kept backing away and spat out with venom:
“Child indeed... now who's depraved?”
Garak stopped in his tracks for a second, once again, making Julian fear he had gone too far. Then a down right terrifying smile spread on Garak's face.
“Oh, my dear doctor, you have no idea...”
And then he pounced with a speed Julian was completely unprepared for. Locked in a steel grip, arms pinned to his sides, he had no choice but to surrender his neck for rough nibbling and biting, just shy of breaking the skin. The pain and pleasure melded together in an all consuming haze, the likes of which he had never felt before. Even the smell of Garak seemed suddenly different, like it had a more spicy peak to it, and it did nothing to still the fire spreading rapidly through his mind and body. The scent and feel of Garak was intoxicating and the combined effect of all the sensory input was mind blowing. The result was that he completely forgot he was supposed to be resisting, and couldn't suppress a loud moan when a searing hot breath washed over his ear.
The grip suddenly loosened and for a moment, Garak seemed to stop dead. The abrupt absence of pleasure awoke Julian from his haze and reminded him that the game was still on. Struck with sudden inspiration he let himself go completely limb, and the result was perfect. Garak was surprised enough to let go and Julian simply slid downwards and out of his grip. As soon as he was free, he flung himself around Garak's knees and jerked them sideways as hard as he could, while flinging himself away. Garak stumbled and almost fell, giving Julian plenty of time to put himself well out of reach again.
This game was much more to his liking than he had imagined and he couldn't stop himself from laughing when Garak turned to face him again, with a look that could have broken down grown men in interrogation rooms... and probably had.
“Having fun?”
The aggressive growl only stoked the bubbling amusement taking over Julian's actions and he decided to let himself display it with a wide grin and twinkling eyes.
“Actually, yes.”
Garak advanced slowly like a prowling lion.
“Not for long, my young, naïve friend.”
Julian giggled in a way not unlike the way a child does when a parent approaches with tickling fingers and considering that Garak was still advancing he must be doing something right.
“You're too slow, old man... if you want me, you'll have to catch me!”
With that he blew a kiss to the lion on his heels and hightailed to the other end of his quarters, Garak in close pursuit. The chase was dizzying and wreaked havoc in Julian's quarters, but frankly he couldn't care less as he jumped over his couch and feigned a move to the right, only to slide left and feel the wind as Garak passed no more than an inch away.
The quarters were small and Julian had to employ all he had in way of inventiveness to find new ways to go to escape his pursuer. He giggled madly all the time and very nearly squealed in delight as he felt Garak's hand almost closing on his uniform, without getting enough of a grip to slow him down.
The chase came to an abrupt end when Garak decided playtime was over and practically threw the couch between them to the side, leaving Julian no escape route but the bedroom behind him. His last attempt to escape from the doorway was futile and Garak trapped him thoroughly in his arms again, pushing them both into the room towards the bed.
And then suddenly the game changed. Going from aggressive hunter to passionate lover in the blink of an eye, Garak swept Julian completely off his feet. Literally. And Julian was all too happy to let Garak assume dominance. All there was in his world at that moment, were those searing lips, firm hands, strong arms and that very special spicy smell that was Garak and yet different. Completely absorbed by kisses more passionate than any he could remember having experienced ever before, the sound of his uniform ripping at the seams was distant and insignificant.
He was surprised when he felt cool sheets against his suddenly bare back and even more so, when shockingly hot scaly skin connected with his own, as his lover lowered them both onto the bed. Where had their clothes gone? The thought lasted all of two seconds before it was utterly unimportant.
The only thing that mattered was the way his whole body shivered from firm, fiery caresses. He could have sworn that Garak had grown a few extra hands, because it felt like he was being touched everywhere at once. His own hands were useless and simply opened and closed wherever they landed randomly on the back, in the hair or on the shoulders of his partner.
Moaning and crying out at every breath, it took a while for Julian to register that Garak was letting out a low hum, without ever seeming to need to draw breath. The sound drummed against his neck as teeth grazed and tongue soothed over the hypersensitive skin there. Any doubts he might have had were now only noticeable by their absence. And frankly, there was very little room in his passion-fogged brain for any thought besides 'yes please, more'.
Whatever he had expected or imagined of the act itself it was nothing like reality. It was more passionate and yet more gentle, wilder and yet under stricter control by his experienced partner than he ever dreamed of. And just when he expected to be penetrated and finally claimed, he was surprised again, when Garak simply locked both their arousals between them, creating friction in a way that was immediately effective. Julian felt the hard body above him shudder violently, and promptly his vision exploded in colors and patterns on the back of his eyelids. He climaxed so sharply that he screamed soundlessly and dug his nails into the tough scaled back he was holding on to for dear life.
As he came back to the surface of his sex-drowned mind, by the aid of his now very sore areas of 'foreplay', he found that the surprises were by no means over. Garak was not even out of breath, but simply lay there over Julian, not letting his full weight rest on him, while looking at him with a tender kind of look he had never seen on his friend's face before. Wriggling slightly he found he was wet. Very wet. More so that he would have thought. That new, spicy smell was very thick in the smaller room and feeling some of the hot wetness dribble down on the side of his hip where Garak's groin was lightly resting, he could only conclude that it was not only himself who had reached climax from the passionate exchange, despite the lack of penetration.
His first reaction was to apologize. He was quickly becoming aware that he had done very little to return the wonderful caresses bestowed on him and he felt bad that he had just taken and not given.
“Garak... Elim... I'm sorry, I should have paid more attention to your needs...”
And then another surprise. Garak started to laugh. Quietly at first, but soon rising to a roaring, howling laugh that echoed through the war zone that was now Julian's quarters. Julian was stunned and simply let Garak laugh until he rolled over to his side and settled down next to him, propped up on one elbow, still chuckling.
“My dear, dear doctor. Every time I think we've reached another level of realisation in our interactions, you surprise me with your naïve conclusions and make me wonder if our races are simply too different for true understanding.”
Julian frowned, not entirely sure if it was one of Garak's usual insults or a completely valid point. Garak noticed his lover's doubt and leaned in to place the softest kiss on the now rather swollen lips of the younger man.
“I don't want to hear you apologize for your efforts in bed ever again. I'm sorry I laughed, but it's unfathomable to me how you can be the perfect lover – at least from a Cardassian point of view – and then still doubt yourself. Judging from your frankly amazing performance of thoroughly seducing me in the classical Cardassian manner, I was simply taken aback by the realisation that it was not as planned as it felt.”
Julian's eyebrows all but disappeared in his hairline. Was this Cardassian lovemaking? Could he simply have made all the right lucky guesses? It seemed almost too unlikely.
“Well... I'm very glad you liked it, but... I must confess I had no idea what I was doing most of the time after you showed up.”
Again Garak chuckled.
“Maybe so, but after your surprising and very effective move at lunch, you could have reacted practically any way you liked and it would have produced the same delightful end result. It's the Cardassain way, after all. The conversation is half the act itself. Everything you did after I arrived was more or less just added spice. And, my dear, I can honestly say this night has no equal in anything I've experienced before in my considerably longer life.”
Garak's words made Julian blush hotly and avoid the blazing look now directed at him. He was flattered and happy. But he had to ask...
“This might be a silly question... but why didn't you... take me?”
After a slight pause Garak's trademark wicked smile appeared and there was a definite twinkle in his eye.
“Would you rather have me attempt an unflattering lie about our physiological differences or would you prefer a much more flattering one perhaps even closer to the truth you so naïvely pursue?”
Julian rolled his eyes, but couldn't help but smile. The familiarity and yet the novelty of the situation was a powerful feeling and he snuggled up against the ridged patterns of his lover with a deeply contented sigh.
“Why don't you choose? I'll never know the truth anyway. And frankly I don't care. The truth isn't all it's cracked up to be sometimes.”
The scaly chest against his cheek suddenly rippled as if shivering with cold. Looking up at Garak's face he saw myriads of emotions flowing across the usually masked Cardassian features.
“I must be getting old and confused... I thought I was here with Doctor Julian Bashir, a rather naïve, young Terran. Who is this Cardassian in human disguise, and what have you done with my dear doctor?”
Julian poked Garak in the ribs, making him giggle uncharacteristically.
“Don't tease me... unless you mean it.”
The giggles subsided to a soft murmur against his hair.
“I'm sorry, doctor. I just cannot get used to your newfound understanding. I have tried to explain these things to you for years and after one week at a medical conference, you suddenly understand everything. If I didn't know any better, I would suspect you of not having been to the conference at all...”
Julian raised himself up on one elbow, fixing his brown eyes on the smiling blue ones.
“First of all, unless you plan on having a physical examination right here and now, then stop calling me doctor. Secondly, this newfound understanding you claim I have is as much a lie as any you tell me every day. At this moment here with you, I'm sorry to say that I really don't care. You came to me. That's all the truth I need right now.”
Snuggling back into the loving embrace gladly offered he smiled to himself.
“Now... tell me a good, old lie. A big, fat one, meant to flatter me shamelessly so you can have your way with me all night.”
The arms around him tightened and he clearly felt the ridges on his lover's face as he rubbed them against his scalp.
“Who needs lies for that? You know as well as I do that I can have you either way.”
The ridges rubbed delightfully against his ear and he heard himself whimper.
“...true... but I would like one anyway. Tell me you love me.”
The rubbing stopped and the voice above him was suddenly hoarse.
“That's... a very big lie...”
Julian nodded against the chest and nibbled a ridge, making Garak gasp quietly.
“I know. Tell me anyway. I want nothing but the very best lies from you.”
Garak pulled him up to face him and the blues eyes were very serious.
“Believe me, my dear doctor, you deserve nothing but the very best.”
Julian frowned.
“What did I tell you about calling me doctor?”
The old wicked smile was back in a flash.
“What if I wanted a physical? No tricorder. The old fashioned way... the hands-on approach.”
A giggle bubbled out before Julian could stop it.
“Well... I suppose this is an emergency. There just isn't enough time to go to my medical bag, is there?”
They rolled together playfully, until Julian lay on top and made a very big issue of 'applying vital oral pulse massage' to Garak's 'obviously fatal blood flow defect' on his shoulder ridges.
“Now... how about that lie?”
Garak's eyes were closed and he seemed to not hear a word. So the doctor stopped his 'treatment' until the blue eyes opened with a puzzled look.
“Tell me you love me.”
His lover's voice was husky and low.
“I... I don't want to hurt you.”
Julian leaned in with a knowing smile and nibbled the full, grey lower lip.
“That's why I want a lie...”
Garak's eyes fluttered closed again and his voice was all but inaudible with shivering pleasure as the nibbling continued down his neck.
“You devious human... who knew -”
“Tell me.”
For the longest time the only sound was ragged breaths and rustle of linen. Julian's tongue was busy making a pleasurable trail down his lover's abdomen when he stopped again and once more whispered:
“Tell... me...”
Feeling the very hot breath so close to his most intimate place, Garak reveled in the delicious torture of waiting for delight and he drew out the moment for as long as possible before ending it.
“Yes... I love you.”
With a glowing smile Julian finally continued his journey downwards.
“I know...”
* * *
End