Carnal Recon

Title: Carnal Recon.

Fandom: Supernatural.

Pairing: Dean/Castiel.

Rating: R

Word count: 573

Spoilers: If you know who Castiel is, you're good.

Warnings: None, really. Mild cheesiness maybe.

Feedback: Yes please.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything even remotely related to Supernatural.

Beta:

tli was a darling and looked this over for me. Thanks!Notes: This is another one of the things I never planned on posting. Back when I wrote it, I had a half-baked thought that it was supposed to be part of a longer thing, but it never got longer, and it seems complete, short as it is. But I think it's funny, so I'm sharing.

Summary: Castiel in a sex shop.

Link to this ficlet on LJ and on DW and on AO3.

The little bell on the door tinkled as Castiel stepped into the dimly lit shop. He headed straight for the counter, where a heavily pierced woman was reading a magazine, looking bored. When she looked up and spotted him, she smiled. ”Hi there, sugar. How can I help you?”

Castiel didn't hesitate to answer. He was on a mission. ”You can help me by offering your knowledge of the wares within your shop.”

The woman smiled even wider, and pushed her magazine aside. ”Why of course, that's what I'm here for. What's your pleasure, handsome?”

Glad that he had found someone willing to help, Castiel explained: ”I'm in love with a man named Dean, and I wish to learn how this - that is to say my – body works, so that I may be able to pleasure him adequately, should he choose to accept my proposition.”

There was a pause, and for a moment Castiel worried that he might have to ask again. The woman blinked slowly a few times, as if digesting his words. Then she grinned at him. ”You say it kinda funny, but you have no idea how happy it makes me to meet someone who's actually willing to ask for advice, before doing God knows what to themselves!”

Castiel refrained from telling her that God did indeed know what, and instead allowed the helpful lady to drag him further into the shop. She parked him in front of a disturbingly colorful wall, which at closer inspection turned out to be made of literally hundreds of various phallic objects stacked on shelves.

”Am I right in assuming you're completely new to all of this?” the lady asked, kindly.

Castiel nodded. ”Dean is the first person to... tempt me.”

”Oh, honey,” she cooed at him, ”I sure hope he's worth it.”

”He is,” Castiel said firmly, unsure of why she would think otherwise.

As it turned out, the lady, who informed him that her name was Jennie, seemed to be under the impression that Castiel was a monk who had recently left a monastery to pursue the love of his life. Since he himself had no explanation at hand that didn't involve Heaven, Hell, demons and angels, he didn't disabuse her of the notion. She compared his situation to that of The Sound of Music, whatever that might be. Castiel assumed it was a cultural reference, and decided that he would ask Dean about it another time.

In any case, that particular cultural reference was apparently close to her heart, because she didn't even frown when Castiel informed her that he did not have any money to buy any of her wares with. She simply told him not to worry about it, and then proceeded to show him many interesting items. He only felt slightly guilty for not correcting her misunderstanding as he followed her around the shop, taking all her advice to heart.

She was a very good teacher, and a while later, she put together what she called a care package for him, kissed him on the cheek, and wished him good luck. He thanked her sincerely, left the shop with a bag full of interesting things and a mental checklist of what to do with them. He would educate himself thoroughly, and when the time was right, he would put his new knowledge to good use.

Hopefully Dean would appreciate his efforts.

End.