Even though, Harley, Walter and I had spent several years as a cohesive unit, we didn't really know that much about one another personally. Harley, even knew less about us when we separated almost 40 years ago. As a cub, at first, and then as a grizzly reporter, he delved into getting the skinny, the scoop and the real truth about each of us. Didn't realize it at the time, but in the back of his mind, he was going to bring us all back together for one more encore at Sammy's.
Walter & Ralph Over The Years
I remember Young Walter from grade school at St. John's. Every day either his mother or father would drop off all the Verbanic kids in their big white Cadillac. Most envied them, but they might get to ride in it when Mother Verbanic, Helen, provided part of the transportation to athletic games on Saturday mornings. John Boy was one year ahead of me, Walter was a year behind me, James and Randy were in 2nd and 3rd grades and Little Loretta was in Kindergarten. They were a hard working and industrious family. Many envied them for what they had accomplished, but I don't think many understood, the effort and gambles it took them to amass and hang on to their good fortunes. They may have had one of the better homes, finer cars, more expensive clothing or many things others just dreamed about having. However, Helen and John, never spoiled them and the kids all had to contribute their efforts to maintain that status for the entire family. Most importantly, they taught their kids never to look down their nose and think they were better than others, just because they were better off materialistically and financially. They also taught them other good and moral basic values. A few of them bitched to me about some of the things they had to go through over the years and I always responded, Would you rather had been me and grown up with my family?
Walter was born to be a wheeler-dealer. He wasn't much of an athlete, though he participated. He spent most of his time trying to make a buck and flip that buck. To many of the kids he sold the plastic pocket protectors, pencils, pens and pads from his father's promotion stash at the beer distributorship. You weren't cool unless you had some of those "Miller High Life" items. The nuns finally put him out of business with that deal, but he was always buying, swapping and selling things he knew others wanted. He continued doing that over his entire life.
He also developed an appreciation for the finer things in life. When he honed in on something he may want, he laid out a "plan" on how to attain it. While others were having good times, he worked diligently to make his "plan" a success. Out of the blue one day, Walter would show up with his new treasure and leave everyone dumbfounded as to how he got it or where it came from. He was not a selfish person and would often share his treasures with others. He always wanted something a little bit better and maybe it was his way of showing and inspiring others that they could have some of these things if they got up off of their asses and put out a little bit of effort. Know that over the years when I may be struggling with personal problems or other issues, he would always say, Don't give up Ralph. Here's what we do. First we need a "plan". Then don't act as if everything is a dig deal. We'll soften them up, find where they're vulnerable. We toy with them for a while, then you bring in the heavy guns and win. It's easy brother, trust me.
Through our teenage years, seldom came into contact with him other than during the summers or vacations at parties or dances while home from boarding school. He was always the dapper one with the fine threads and knocked-out car. Know a lot of the jocks at Ward and Wyandotte thought he was a prick, but you had to give him a lot of credit, for in a way he was becoming his own self-made man. He had a certain "arrogance" about him that I think many took the wrong way. In his own strange way, he weeded out those not willing to trust or gamble on themselves and mentally declined to abet them in being satisfied with the status quo. He had bigger fish to fry and wanted to fish with the best fisherman.
The one thing that Walter had over all the years that his siblings didn't have, was the unlimited support from his mother Helen. Have heard it from a few, In mom's eyes, Walter could do no wrong. She loved and did everything possible for all of her children. In one of our many serious conversations, he said to me, Ralph, you know you and I have gotten away with doing a lot of strange things in life. Mom has always been there to protect and encourage us. I often think that when she sees our dreams come true, it allows for many of her dreams to come true. Probably why he said it so many times over the years, If Helen could only see us now.
He came into Sammy's from time to time, but was never one that got out of control. One day Gordon was working and I was playing the pinball. In walked Walter, looking for a crash test dummy. He had purchased a new Corvette and wanted someone to take a ride with him to back up his feelings about the "non-performance" of the car. Crazy Ralph, just getting his reputation started, would do anything to kick it up a notch. We got on the Kansas Turnpike and he floored it. Between 125-130 mph the front end lifted up and we were hydroplaning. All he said was, See, it a piece of shit. I'm taking it back. Thank God he drove back a little slower and bought me a few Hamm's. A few days later he shows up with a new T-Bird and asked Sam if he had a part-time job so he could pay the insurance on it. Don't know if it was Gordy or who wanted to get more time off, so Sam hired Walter for a few nights a week and the "Infamous Three" came to be.
We both know what went down over the next couple of years. Walter later would go into business with Buttons as American Music Company. You and I continued to terrorize 6th Street. He would do his correspondence courses on PBS's "Sunrise Semester" and get into the NEW SCHOOL in NYC. Along the way I got married to Lynn and he got married to Janie. We were married a week apart by Judge Walter I. Biddle in Leavenworth, KS. We all swapped roles as bride/bridesmaid and groom/best man. Naturally, Helen sent each couple off with tears in her eyes and welcomed us back with great joy and enthusiasm. Walter and Janie moved into Giz's log cabin on Leavenworth Road, when he went down to the University of Miami to start the Sculpture Department there, and Lynn and I moved into a house close to the Art Institute. Once a week we would get together at 341 N. 6th and Helen would have a nice spread, including doggy-bags, for us. Walter and I would go out and hit all the joints on 6th Street. Meanwhile, Helen, Janie and Lynn pulled out lawn chairs into the front yard along with a few bottles of wine and got "snockered" watching the circus along 6th Street. Little Loretta, not imbibing, joined them from time to time. Perhaps that is one reason Loretta has kept in contact with Janie over the years. She grew up amongst all these guys and finally had a few gals around her to get another perspective on life. Loretta was the first one to ever buy a piece of my art. I had that Art Show and Sale on the sidewalk below my apartment on 6th. As we were all aspiring to be poets, actors, photographers and other ilks, I dabbled in trying to be a painter. One of the small pieces I did was a prostitute leaning up against a lamp post. Loretta got enchanted with it and ran home to get $5 worth of change from her savings to pay me for it, even though I had offered to give it to for free.
Walter moved on to NYC and the NEW SCHOOL. Two years later I would move on to Oklahoma. Was fortunate to visit them in NYC thanks to the Scharhags. We also made sure that we all came back together if their was some special family event in KCK. Once we even met in Tennessee to go camping in the Smokey Mountains for a week. Don't know what caused their break up, but strangely everyone remained friends over the years.
Walter got his Masters at KU. I made several trips to KCK in the interim while he adjusted to the divorce. When he got married to Kathy Brozin, we continued our relationship as if nothing had changed except the names to protect the innocent. When I went through my divorce with Lynn, he made a few trips to Oklahoma to make sure I was okay and as usual always had a "plan" for me to get moving again. The best part of our relationship was that we had great trust in one another and could openly and freely discuss things with one another that we couldn't discuss with our mates or family. Later, down the road there would be times that challenged that confidence and confidentiality, but it held true most of our lives.
Know that the two of you worked together at the newspaper and later City Hall for a while. Thought the last time I saw you and Katy was when you visited us in Oklahoma. However, it was on one of my trips back to KCK, when you were working on an article for the paper about the elderly twins who attended all the wrestling matches up at Memorial Hall. That's when I lost personal contact with Katy and yourself. Don't know what transpired between you and Walter, but understand the competitive and challenging natures and different personalities the three of us had/have and none of us wanted anyone to be in control of our reins. Thank God, I wasn't involved. Take this as a big compliment. Like the CIA and FBI, Walter over the years, kept a "file" on you. He always knew where you were, what you were doing and lauded your accomplishments. He kept me informed about you over the years. Know he wanted to have more interactions with you, but as he put it, I don't know how to deal with Harley. Also on some of our escapades in California, or elsewhere, he would often ask, What would Harley suggest we do in this situation? Those few years we spent together, terrorizing, did produce a very special bond amongst us. The most important part of that was that we each had two others out there supporting us whether no one else understood what we were all about. When you may have felt like you lost, there were two who were convinced you won. After all, we wrote the scripts and determined the winners and losers.
Walter eventually went to work for an advertising agency in KCMO, Barickman Advertising. As mentioned in past writings, that is where the association of him and my last wife occurred. Later he went to work for another agency, Young & Rubicam, the largest auto advertising agency in the US. He worked his way up to Regional Account Executive for Chrysler products in the Midwest. Part of his territory included Oklahoma. He came down many times to shoot commercials that included Barry Switszer, the head football coach at OU. It allowed us to spend time and enjoy his vast expense account. He boosted the agency's income with unconventional campaigns and got on the radar of the corporate heads in Detroit and Chicago. About a year after I had moved to California to work for Starkman, Walter got transferred to LA. The gentleman there, who was in charge of the Toyota account, was going to be retiring and Walter was being groomed to take his place.
When he arrived in LA, there was another one of those, If Helen could see us now. He ended up moving into an apartment right behind my office in Beverly Hills. That was a good thing on one hand, but a bad thing on another. Like my relationship with Fred Orr, the guy he was to replace, stayed on also. We both had a large collection of sun glasses which we would wear mornings, afternoons and nights. You don't give two crazy hunkies unlimited credit cards and tell them to go out and enjoy themselves. The good thing was that we both knew our real responsibilities and continued to overachieve in our professions. The big, If Helen could see us now, came when Toyota sponsored the Long Beach Grand Prix. They rented the top floor of this recently completed office building, that I had designed, for their hospitality headquarters. You could see the whole course and thus the whole race from it. Naturally we got ripped and toasted many times to Helen. Don't think either of us understood what the other was involved with or what either of us were actually doing, but it sure gave us an excuse to celebrate any victories.
In the business and corporate world, the powers are always aware of their competition, movers and shakers and upcoming stars. Walter was in a holding pattern, but didn't go unnoticed. Mitsubshi, who was the largest truck manufacturer in the world, was about to enter the US market with their automobiles. Dancer, another auto advertising agency in Orange County, was looking for someone with experience in marketing Japanese products. They hired him to head up the national Mitsubshi account. Can say my brother did one helluva job. He cut back on his craziness and dove in head first. Though he drove one hour back and forth, he stuck to his "plan" and put them on the map. Think that is when he got into his world travels, for he would often have to go back and forth to Japan. Our time together got limited, but the good thing was that he seldom had to wear sun glasses. On occasions, I felt left out because I knew he was saying, Helen if you could see ME now.
During that time we bought season tickets to the Greek Theatre to see Smokey, Marvin, Teddy and many others. We also put together a cooking group to have a monthly gathering of friends not associated with our personal professions and get a real gauge of what was going on. It was good for a few months but then turned into a Plato's Retreat. I had moved on to Dworsky's and when available, Walter would stop by "Ralph's burgers and 3 for 5 champagne on Sunday evenings". One evening he stopped by with a psycho, who he had caught trying to steal a hubcap off of a MBZ in Palm Springs. He was totally infatuated with her for some reason. Later I would find out why and it would cause great discourse in our relationship. Someone told me that Walter's date had a surprise for me in the kitchen. When I went in to see what it was, she was naked but had wrapped herself up in saran-wrap. I was totally offended and asked Walter to get her out of there. His response was, Isn't she something? You don't go beyond certain limits in life. In the meantime, she had waddled across the street to the fire station, whom all were my friends and allowed me to be almost be one of them. Went across the street and dragged her back pulling her by her hair to my place. Sick thing, she was enjoying it. I told her I would kill her if I ever saw her again and to stay away from Walter. Probably shouldn't have done that for every time after that, when around me, she caused some kind of a big scenes, almost as to punish me.
What I didn't know at that time, Walter had met her parents and seen her lifestyle. Her father owned a large engineering company that produced after market auto parts, owned a bank and had a huge home in Hancock Park, equivalent to Beverly Hills or Bel Air. The whole family were either psychos or borderline, as I would later learn from those who knew them. None of the siblings were capable of carrying on the family heritage capably and in the back of my mind, I saw Walter developing another "plan".
Trying to keep our relationship going became a major effort. He almost became the same person she was. Couldn't phantom it, but they both ruined many of my gatherings with their absurdities and actions. Had to step back and back and back, for Walter wouldn't talk to me, but only address the temperature along the coastline. Often thought, as he referred to my catch, that this was his catch. Bluegills are sometimes better than marlins in some peoples minds. Toxic elements aren't always in the rivers, but sometimes contained in those we associate with and are infiltrating our aspirations, if we aren't careful.
The evening before they were married, her father Frank gave Walter a signed check for $3 million. Most thought it was one of those stag party gifts, but Walter would never answer my question, if it was real or not and what were the stipulations.
The next day, they were married by Cardinal Mahoney in Beverly Hills, and drove off in a Duisenberg convertible to a reception at her parents home in Handcock Park. I was not Walter's best man. Most questioned that on his family side, but rather one of his business associates filled that spot. The hard part to take of the whole thing was that he ignored almost all of his family, including Helen and John. One thing I will never forgive him for. He literally treated his family like SHIT. When Helen, John and the family have to rely on an adoptive son, how would it make them feel? They spent most of their time with Marion and myself. We did our best to make their trip and the event a good one. Meanwhile, Walter hobnobbed with his new in-laws and their upper crust associates.
I was happy for him on one hand, but many things he did just rubbed me the wrong way. Also, not only myself, but many others that knew him, couldn't put up with his psycho wife. Through his father-in-law he got listed in the "Blue Book Registry" and became a member of the Jonathan Club. He also purchased a very nice home in the hills just above Beverly Hills. Over the next few years we still did things together as long as his wife wasn't involved. When I moved to NYC, we would always go out together, when he was there on business or we would see each other in KCK at one of his family's functions.
He had his vasectomy undone and the joke to many was They're having Rosemary's baby. His wife was finishing up he doctorate in Child Psychology at USC. I had quit drinking about that time and Walter suggested that she may be able to help me get through any rough spots. I ran away from that "plan" as fast as possible. They had a beautiful little girl, Lauren and her mother enrolled her in acting classes at the age of 2 months. Little Lauren actually became the cover baby for Carnations next year's calendar. He doted on his little girl and you knew she was going to be spoiled rotten. I started calling him "Helen", for he got into making sure everything was done right and at just the right time. He got really pissed at me one time when I told him, You're a brave man Walter, trying to raise those two kids by yourself.
His job at Dancer, doing Mitsubshi, required him to do a lot of travelling. He would often be gone for a week or more at a time. His wife was not only unstable, but also a super heavyweight drinker and pill-popper. She would disappear from time to time, and for several days at a time, with Lauren. Her family would call me to find out if Walter was out of town and if they were with him. They always wanted me to call KCK to find out if anyone back there had any information. That really irked me for they never accepted the Verbanics on equal terms. I was doing some work at one of Walter's sister-in-laws home. Cindy was a little out there, but a decent and caring person. She had tried to rid herself of her family, by marrying a plumber I knew. That day his wife showed up with Lauren and they both looked like they were homeless and had been sleeping under a bridge or in an alley for a few days. Thank God I didn't lose it, I let Cindy have the honors. When Walter got back into town, I called him and tried to talk with him, but he just shut me out. This went off and on for a few years and Walter finally gave up his position at Dancer in hopes that he could change everything.
Over the next few years he became Head Account Executive for many auto brands, including Volkswagen, Jaguar and Lexus to name a few. He didn't have to travel as much and didn't have to make those long drives in the mornings or evenings. That helped a bit, but the train was off the track. After she accused him of poisoning her dog with snail bait, she chewed his arm and it required 85 stitches to close. He finally had had enough and filed for divorce. Fortunately, whatever the deal was that he had made with his father-in-law didn't matter any more. Also, business wise and financially he was in good shape. He hated the joint-custody of Lauren, but as he told me, She only has to go through the weird shit half of the time. Think he also believed the in-laws would finally have to step in and do something about their daughter, which they never did.
For the next year or two he got back to being old Walter and I saw more of Helen come out of him in regards to Lauren. He was a really good and conscientious father. Sometimes when things are going along smoothly, the bottom falls out. One rainy morning while he was on his way the office after dropping Lauren off at school, a woman putting on her make-up didn't see him stopped and rear-ended him. At first everyone thought it might just be minor whiplash, but over the next few months things deteriorated. He developed equilibrium problems, vision problems, memory problems and all sorts of other problems. Flew up to Portland, OR with him for some treatments, because he would be totally disoriented after one and needed someone to help get him on the plane and back to LA. Don't understand all the medical stuff, but they basically said the impact of the accident had severed some of the hairs in his inner ear and were almost short circuiting his sensory perceptions. Was a terrible thing to see. A man who had almost a photographic memory having to write down on a pad the ingredients for his daughter's lunch sandwich. Again don't understand it, but they tried to dislodge those broken hairs by vigorously shaking his head and then having him rememorize neurological reaction via physical therapy. Simply the man was fucked up. He tried to do his job during that time, but often went brain dead or fell asleep during a presentation and the agency had to relieve him of his position and responsibilities. The legal actions in regards to the accident wouldn't finally be resolved and he couldn't get disability until 3-4 years down the road. It was really a sad thing to see anyone go through and especially for me to see Walter going through it all. In the end, I think he came back mentally and physically to 70-75% of the Walter I had known during our relationship. Know that he went into an almost survival mode.
During that transitional time, he hooked up with a bleached-blonde honey from Bakersfield. She had a daughter 20 and one Lauren's age and had been married a few times. Guess if I was in his position, a blow job and a little humping may be better than what he was going through. I once asked him what he saw in this woman and he said, She's the only one who ever offered to make me a drink. They moved in together in his home. On one hand it was a good thing. Lauren almost got equivalent of a sister and Walter got a little pressure, supposedly taken off of him. To make ends meet, he had to rent out his home for a year and moved into an apartment in Beverly Hills until the legal actions were over and his disability finally came through. Shortly after that her older daughter became pregnant by some low life. Debbie, his wife, always had to be the queen bee. Though she was 40 and Walter was 53 or 54, she unannounced, quit taking the Pill. She was past the point where, legally anything could be done to abort, before she informed everyone. Was not the best thing that could have happened at that time in any of their lives. Walter, again being Helen, demanded they get married so his new offspring could come into this world legitimately and have the father it deserved. They got married in Las Vegas and this time, I was his best man and had to keep my mouth shut when those words, If anyone knows why this couple.......let them speak now, were said.
They moved back into his home in the "Hills" shortly before his son Christopher Glen (Who will always be Vinco to me) was born. Like other queen bees I have known, she had to get back to the gym, have her nails and hair done and spend her time with her friends, sometimes into the later hours. Meanwhile, Walter did his best Helen interpretation to keep the household going. One evening she came home totally drunk and out of control. Think he had finally reached his limit. A large argument occurred and she called the police and said he was beating her and threatening to kill her with a gun. Naturally in LA and many other places, they take the woman's side regardless of what is evident. All his guns were locked up and she didn't have a mark on her. The strange thing was that his psycho ex-wife bailed him out of jail and took Lauren home with her. When the restraining order went into effect the next day after his appearance in court, neither him or Lauren could return to their home for their possessions. It was like a bad movie.
I tried to negotiate between him and Debbie, not taking either side, but trying to do what was best for the kids, for they were the ones being affected the most by the situation. I let Walter stay in my studio, as not to have to live in a motel while certain legal actions were going on. I made it clear to the both of them, that I was not taking either side, but only wanted the to resolve things to minimalize adverse effects on the kids. My interactions and conversations, with each of them were confidential, as if I were their doctor or lawyer. Things seemed to cool off a bit, but then all hell broke loose. Walter had wire tapped my studio phone and was using what was said between Debbie and I in his assault against her. She quit talking to me and I asked Walter to move out of my studio, as he apparently didn't trust or appreciate my "plan" to help resolve things. Perhaps, in a strange way it was a good thing. Neither one of them had a shoulder to cry on or be understanding with them. In about two weeks, Debbie, her daughter and Vinco moved to Bakersfield and Walter and Lauren were able to move back into their home.
The war didn't end then and similar to the war with his psycho wife, went on for the rest of his life. Until his death there would always be unresolved issues with both of them. He fought many custody battles over Vinco and ran up huge legal bills. Finally, he gave in and accepted partial custody. He got pissed at me when later I told him, Think of all the money you wasted trying to win a war that you couldn't. Think of all the things that you could've done for Vinco, like you did for Lauren with all that money. Like it or not, you have created a wedge between them and hopefully they will become more understanding over the years towards one another. We often claim that we are doing something for someone else, but in reality we are subconsciously doing it for our own ego.
He sold his home in the hills after I had helped him get it remodeled in order to get a maximum return, out of my own pocket. The funny part of that is that Walter and I never involved ourselves with each other financially in any way over our long relationship. We were supportive in every other aspect, but money never came into play. Hated that he had to give up on of his dreams, but always was confident that he would come up with another "plan".
After he moved into a "high rent apartment" on the Westside and tried to maintain his image and dignity, for not only himself, but his children and family, I knew that he was in dire straights. He prostituted himself to get his ex-in-laws to be able to get Lauren into USC and hopefully get into the "Blue Book Registry" down the road. He did everything, and in his heart, to give Vinco, what he could to make him feel special and wanted. When there was no more blood to be extracted from the turnip, he made the decision to go back to KCK. It was a decision that he resented, however he thought it was the best thing that he could do at the time for his family would make sure that his kids would be taken care of if anything may happen to him.
Know that he hated going back to KCK. Humility is not something most of us want to deal with. When we almost get there, none of us want to answer the question of why or what caused us not to quite get there. Hate all of the statisticians out there that predict outcomes. Know that when he got back to the Midwest, he had another "plan", which I always admired that there was another ace up his sleeve.
Fortunately for me, over the last two years of his life, we spent a lot of time together both in KCK and in Las Vegas. Here, he really enjoyed laying out in the hammock by the pool. When I was in Kansas he helped me as a plumber to get things done on my nephews home and we had the moments to go down "memory lane" and also engage in our personal frustrations. We worked together on a book together about our times at Sammy's and what "plan" us old farts could come up with to make a few bucks or just terrorize the world one more time. He always "planned" his visits when he could be involved with Lauren or Vinco. I didn't resent that, for I was fortunate to have more time with him. Also, as the SOB was a great cook, I could put on a few pounds with each of his visits. We still debated heavily, but ended up hugging at the end of the day.
Young Walter still remained a bit secretive until the end. I had very little knowledge about some of his other personal involvements later in life. Had told him not to include me in any of his possible next wives to be. Perhaps that is why Lauren didn't allow me to attend his cremation, for she thought I knew more than I knew about his Greek honey. None of us control anyone else's life and thankfully others don't want to drag us into or be involved with the repercussions.
On previous trips he got to spend time with Lauren and Vinco. We took side trips to Arizona to visit his psychic and tea reading cousin, Janet Roper. We both were at the age where we were evaluating our past and wondering if we had not been "hard-headed-hunkies". We always came up with the same conclusion, we would always do it the same way again and could live with that or we would have nothing relevant to say down the road.
After spending time with Lauren and Vinco over the holidays he came up to Las Vegas to spend some time with me. Knew when I picked him up at the airport that he was not feeling quite right. At my place he complained about the pain in his lower back and legs. Walter was not one to panic. However that next morning he told me to get him to a doctor to find out what was going on, for his pain was more than he could endure. We went to one specialist and they sent us to a radiologist that confirmed he had major clotting that was a result of pancreatic cancer. Took him to a nearby hospital, where they were able to stabilize him, until he could get back to KCK and get permanent care. We hugged at the airport on his departure and I never got to hug him again. Two weeks later, he would pass on and thankfully Lauren and Vinco made it back to KCK to spend an hour with him.
I wanted to go back to KCK and spend time in his last days, but we had already said our goodbyes over the last few years and both of us wondered who would be the first to go. Can tell you that given our choice we would chosen to have perished together in an accident. Some wonder why I never got up to speak at his memorial at Skradski's. In a strange way, I was selfish and didn't want to negate what he had brought into my life. Others could mourn his departure, but inside I was overly jubilant for having him share his life with me for over 47 years.
I know that somewhere down the road we shall meet again and perhaps we shall not be as big of assholes a we were on this lap around the course. Is a very difficult thing for me to not have that special person to call and get a response to any of my questions. Took down the hammock and hope someone wants to replace Walter and have me put it back up and continue to make life a wonderful thing, especially with a wonderful friend.