Siblings of Children with Autism: The Other Angels
A story:
Sammy runs through the house in nothing but his Depends®. On a typical day, this would not be unusual and Mallory would be unconcerned. But today is not typical. Today is the day Robert is coming to pick her up for her first prom. Robert knows Sammy has a disability but no one outside the family knows all the things that go on in this house. Mallory has worked hard to keep it that way. She loves her brother and does so many things for him but she just can't handle it all today! Mallory is one of the thousands of siblings of children with autism who have had to grow up faster, become so much more responsible, and had to deal with things that their peers cannot even imagine. She doesn't seek sympathy or special privileges, just a touch of normality. Normality has been lacking in her life since she was born. Sammy was born first and Mallory followed 18 months later. It was about the time that Mallory was born that her parents started to notice that something was wrong with Sammy. At first, Sammy took Mallory under his wing but it was not long before Mallory surpassed him in so many ways. Mallory became the eldest, the teacher, the babysitter, the responsible one, the "other angel." She never resented the attention Sammy got ("that would be so unfair") but she sought normality and loved to spend time at her friends' houses where she saw whole families of normal children who never did the things that Sammy did. So, she waits for Robert to come, vowing to be out the door before he gets to the first step. Sammy comes up behind her (Mom has dressed him, thankfully) and he plays with her hair lovingly as he says, "Malz has a boyfriend!" Her heart melts, as it has so many times before, and she says, "Yeah, and my boyfriend is gonna think you are the handsomest big brother in the world! He'll be here any minute!" So they both wait for Robert to come and meet one of the strangest families in the world. Welcome to the world of autism, Robert!
The story above is only semi-fictional. When I visit this family, my heart constantly goes out to the child with autism, that's my chosen profession, but as I look around at the siblings and see their struggles up close, I realize that autism is a "family disorder" too. I have no great wisdom of my own to share except to say that the Lord knows autism and He knows the struggles that parents and siblings of those with autism go through and He will help. Thankfully, the Lord has led many people to share their wisdom about the struggles the siblings go through. Below are some links I have reviewed that should help you to become more aware of the needs of siblings of those with autism:
Reviewed Web Sites Dealing with Siblings of Those with Autism
Siblings of Autism and Related Disorders - A wonderful web site devoted to the sometimes forgotten or "lost in the shuffle" siblings of those with autism. An uplifting and long-overdue message for these "other angels".
The Sibling Support Project - "The Sibling Support Project is a national program dedicated to the interests of brothers and sisters of people with special health and developmental needs. Absolutely great! Also deals with adult siblings.
Siblings - National Autistic Society (UK) - A very helpful web site with personal stories of siblings of those with autism, links, and recommended books.
Book: Siblings of Children with Autism, A Guide for Families - by Sandra L. Harris, PhD. Published by Woodbine House - 1994. A frequently recommended book for families of those with autism.
Living with Impairment: the Effects on Children of Having an Autistic Sibling - A very thorough research article by Patricia Howlin. Great information, food for thought, and practical suggestions to help minimize the negative impact of autism on the family.
My eXtra Special Brother by Carly Heyman - Carly was 16 when she wrote this book about her experiences growing up with her brother Scott, who has Fragile X Syndrome. Carly is a wonderful young lady, who I have recently met, and is completing her degree in Occupational Therapy.
DISCLAIMER: This site is intended to provide basic information resources on Autistic Disorder. It is not intended to, nor does it, constitute medical or other advice. The author of the web site is not a medical doctor. Readers are warned not to take any action with regard to medical treatment or otherwise based on the information on this web site or links without first consulting a physician. This web site does not necessarily endorse any of the information obtained from any of the links on this page or links that other pages may lead you to. Neither does this web site promote or recommend any treatment, therapy, institution or health care plan. The information contained in this site is intended to be for your general education and information only and not for use in pursuing any treatment or course of action. Ultimately, the course of action in treating a given patient must be individualized after a thorough discussion with the patient's physician(s) and family.